Old Dogs

Recently I worked up the courage to watch the film Old Dogs starring Robin Williams and John Travolta. For anyone who has seen Wild Hogs, this movie is surprisingly not similar at all, besides the fact that it’s a poor attempt for a bunch of has been actors trying to show their range by being in a family movie that is not animated by Pixar. Lets face it, by what I can only assume was overpaying the two leads for this movie, they only had enough money left in their budget for a supporting role by Seth Green, who isn’t even tall enough to ride on Space Mountain, and a brief cameo from the late Bernie Mac.

Photo courtesy of IMDB

This movie is basically about a couple of geriatric butt buddies who have always put their fast paced lifestyle and career in front of starting a family and slowing down. Without ruining the good parts, which is basically anytime something stupid happens to one of them because they are old and old people are dumb sometimes, they basically raise a couple of bastard children for two weeks and decide that maybe spray tanning in your mid 50s doesn’t lead to true happiness. In the end they start a family, so here are the drinking rules that I have established for this movie if you ever have to sit through this and you are trying to maintain interest:

Drink every time:

Dan (Robin Williams) acts like a pussy

Charlie (John Travolta) tries to be tight
Ralph White (Seth Green) acts jewish
The kids fuck something up

Amanda (Lori Loughlin aka Aunt Becky from Full House) is on screen

Chug every time you wish Martin Lawrence or Don Cheadle were cast instead

... And if you really wanna get fucked up, drink whenever there is a Japanese person in the scene...


On a scale of Spanglish to Billy Madison, this was between a Little Nicky and Click