Hayden Completes The Holy Trinity Of Ugly

“Hayden Panettiere suffered a meltdown at a recent bash, drunkenly climbing on top of a pool table and breaking down in tears, according to eyewitnesses. The 20-year-old “Heroes ” star “turned into an out-of-control party animal” at the home of Dole Food Company heir Justin Murdock, a fellow partygoer told the Enquirer.“Hayden was the party guest from hell!” added the source. “She was a complete drunken mess!” “Hayden was sobbing uncontrollably on her hands and knees on top of the pool table with her boobs hanging out of her dress,” said the eyewitness. “Her girlfriends tried to help her down and pull up her top, but she kept pushing them away. Everyone was shocked at how drunk Hayden got.”

It's not always easy to get over a first love but she's really helping. First, she dates this 30 year old boxer. Yuck. Next, she dyes her hair dark brown in an attempt to shake things up a bit , stops tanning and looks vanilla. Then we have the final factor that is my biggest turn off. I think I could be in love with a girl and if she busted out this move at a party, she's getting a slap to the mouth and no text back in the morning. The drunk, crying, obnoxious, tiny girl on a table, attention seeking whore. It's like if I could go head to head in a dual to the death against anything it would be this type of behavior. Having said that, there is an exemption. If Hayden wants to drunkenly get up on the table, no tears or sobbing and starts to rap along to Whoomp There It Is, using the bottle as a microphone and later recite the 2004 Red Sox line-up then she's mine forever. No questions. Ring on the finger and we're introducing you to mom in the morning.


P.S. How pissed is Prestige Worldwide about the new NFL rule changes? Good to see him fired up. The Real World is tonight too so I bet he blew a load in his pants when he remembered that during pre-calc this morning.


P.P.S. I'm fucking bringing it this week. like FUCKING BRINGING IT. if this was NBA Jam, I was heating up on Tuesday morning and am certifiably on fire at this point. Just feed me the rock. BOOM-SHACKA-LACKA!