Molina Traded to Rangers

Baseball bores a lot of people, but those people are communists. Just to keep the communists happy I have included a picture of Selena Gomez in a bikini. In case you were wondering, she's 17...buttttt turns 18 three weeks from today!

Alright, back to the greatest sport in America. One of those Molina brothers (Bengie) was traded yesterday. The Giants traded him to the Rangers for Chris Ray and a player to be named later. Bengie takes his .257 average and 3 HR to Arlington where the favorable hitting conditions should help him improve the power numbers. The Giants will move young phenom Buster Posey to catcher full-time (he was playing mostly 1B while Molina was catching). This is bad news for fantasy owners as they prefer Posey to play 1B since it is a far less demanding position and you can play everyday.

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Cristiano Ronaldo Is a Fraud

I hope people stop comparing Cristiano to Beckham now. They may have both played the same position for Man U and captained their national teams and even wore the same number but make no mistake about it, Becks won when he had to win. Becks showed the fuck up in clutch situations and buried free kicks. The team always relied on Beckham and got rewarded for it. I don't know if Cristiano was even on the field yesterday. It'd be alright if he played like shit and played his dick off but this dude didn't even try yesterday. I've been saying it for years now. He's all flash, no substance. You can't win with someone like that. It's the same reason why these youtube sensations who do tricks and juggle can't do shit on the field. Gotta be a team player in the ultimate team spot. It takes more than good looks and tabloid stories to lead a group of grown men on the biggest stage in the world.

Silly Bandz: The Second Coming of Pogs

The 80's had baseball trading cards and slap bracelets, the 90's had pogs, Pokemon cards, and Duncan yo-yos, and now we have an elementary school trend; the silly band. Even though silly bandz are meant for 6 year olds, I think this transcends the 6 year old demographic. I would go so far as to say that it is acceptable for people up to 60 to wear, and I am proud to say that I wear silly bandz. Now, a lot of people hate on my silly bandz saying things like...

"You look like a fag wearing those colored rubber bands."
or
"What the hell is on your wrist?"
and my favorite
"You have silly bandz? You must be some sort of asshole."

All of these things have been said to me, and I don't care. All their hate stems from one word: jealousy. They are jealous they don't have the self confidence to wear things like multi-colored rubber bands. I mean seriously, who wouldn't want a rubber band that turns into a saxophone. Anyone who says they wouldn't want a saxophone silly band is lying to them self and the rest of the world.

If all this wasn't enough evidence of why silly bandz are fuggin' amazing I'll give you another - a ton of girls wear silly bandz and are always open for trading them with other people. Today alone I have given two girls my number, and how did I meet them? SILLY BANDZ. You can go from a non-silly band wearing fool to a silly band wearing guy with a smoking hot girl. God bless silly bandz.

I'm also pretty sure wearing Silly Bandz makes you as cool as this guy...and who wouldn't want to be as cool as this doode.

Perfection at its Finest - Toy Story 3

It is rare when a sequel lives up to the original. Cough*Caddyshack 2*Cough. It is even more rare when the 3rd is just as good as the first two. Toy Story 3 did just that. There was a lot of hype surrounding the release and people I talked to before seeing it hailed it as "perfect". I was afraid it wouldn't live up to my lofty expectations but it did that and more. Pixar managed to combine all of the great elements and characters of the first two movies and bring them back in 3D. Toy Story 3 is enjoyable for all ages, except for my grandpa who fell asleep at parts...but that is to be expected. Hell, rotten tomatoes even loves it - they gave it a 99%.

I'm not going to give away what happens because everyone should go see this movie but it revolves around Andy going to college and leaving his toys behind. They end up in a day care that presents all sorts of challenges. What I loved most about the first two films were the intricate plans the toys concocted to avert danger and Toy Story 3 continued this trend. Overall I'd give the movie a 100% because it was flawless.


The 3D looks even better drunk so we have provided a drinking game to help make that happen...

Drink Whenever

...Ken acts gay
...the toys talk about Andy or college
...getting played with is referenced
...Lotso is in a scene or referenced

Chug Whenever

...the aliens say "The Claw!"

Paul Pierce Joins NBA Free-For-All

The NBA free agency period starts in less than 9 hours and it's going to be wild, like Robert Downey Jr. at an open bar. Paul Pierce decided to opt out of the last year of his contract (he would have made $21.5 million) and joins a ridiculous list of players set to cash in. Pierce will be 33 in October so he probably only has 1 big contract remaining. It's a semi-risky move, walking away from $21.5 million in hopes that he can sign a big contract, but it should pay off.

There are two scenarios rumored to be taking shape right now. 1) Lebron and Bosh sign with Chicago. 2) Lebron, Bosh and Wade sign with Miami. If scenario 1 happens, Miami will be looking to add a big time player and that might mean Paul Pierce. The Heat currently only have Wade, Beasley and Chalmers under contract so they have a ton of cap space. If scenario 2 happens, Chicago will be looking to add 2 top free agents and Pierce could be one.


Teams such as the Nets, Knicks and Clippers will also be looking to add a player like Pierce if they miss out on the Lebron/Wade/Bosh sweepstakes. In any case it likely means the end of the "Big 3" in Boston. They had a good run and will need to rebuild with Ray Allen also possibly leaving and Kevin Garnett's contract up after next season.

Why Wasn't I Invited To This Party?

A modified version of the ballyhooed free-agent summit that was initially suggested and then downplayed by Dwyane Wade has indeed taken place, ESPN.com has learned. Sources close to the situation said Monday night that three of the biggest names in basketball -- Wade, Chris Bosh and LeBron James -- met over the weekend in Miami to seriously discuss their futures, with a focus on the increasingly plausible possibility of those three teaming up with Wade's Heat. Yet sources with knowledge of the meeting stressed to ESPN.com that James, while clearly intrigued by the possibility of forming a star-studded Miami trio with Wade and Bosh, has not yet committed to leaving his hometown Cleveland Cavaliers for South Beach. One source did label Miami as the new frontrunner to land James in a package deal with Bosh and a re-signed Wade but also cautioned that James was "non-committal" with the start of free agency fast approaching.

First off, let's cut the shit and the hype. Lebron isn't going to Miami and Lebron isn't going to New York. New York is a joke. It's an overrated city, the fans are faggots, it's gross, and every New Yorker thinks they live in the best city  in the world but probably haven't been outside of the tri-state area. He's not even going to play with Dwayne Wade. They might be best friends but both of those guys are alpha dog caliber players and two alpha dogs can't co-exist.  Plus it's Miami. Half of those fans don't even speak english and that would drive me through the wall. ESPN loves to talk about this super trio teaming up but even they  know it's not happening and they know there isn't a chance in hell it's happening. I can't see Lebron going anywhere but Chicago or staying in Cleveland. He might not wanna play in MJ's shadow but maybe he has plans to make MJ be remembered in his shadow. I don't know. I know if he wants to be MJ he better get to work right now because he's still 6 titles behind him and 5 behind Kobe. 

Hey Paul, It's Called Band Of Brothers. You Should Rent It Sometime.

Add one more marquee name to the most anticipated free-agent class in NBA history: Paul Pierce.  The All-Star forward has notified the Boston Celtics that he will opt out of the final year of his contract before Wednesday's deadline, which will make Pierce an unrestricted free agent for the first time. Pierce's agent, Jeff Schwartz, confirmed the decision in a text message to ESPN.com. By opting out, Pierce forfeits next season's $21.5 million salary and adds another layer of uncertainty to Boston's general outlook in the wake of a wholly unexpected playoff run that took them to within one win of the championship. Ray Allen also becomes an unrestricted free agent this week, while the organization continues to watch for popular coach Doc Rivers to decide if he wants to continue with the team or take a temporary leave from the bench grind to spend more time with family. Pierce, though, could wind up emerging as one of the more interesting big names to track. Sources close to the situation told ESPN.com that Pierce will begin free agency by talking first to the Celtics when the market opens on Thursday at 12:01 a.m., but the 32-year-old is preparing to field other offers. 

Dude. What the fuck? What happened to wanting to retire as a Celtic?  I understand you gotta get paid but you're leaving $21.5 million on the table for what? To go around the league and flirt with other teams only to come home and roll into bed with your wife and kids? I don't like this one bit. Right now our starting lineup looks something like this: Rajon Rondo, Kevin Garnett. That's it. Oh, and we most likely don't have a coach so that's another pro we can put on the list for Pierce to take us back. I'll tell who we really want though. Ryan Gomes. He just got traded to Portland to clear up space and was then released so he's a free agent and he's coming. It's only right to bring the Waterbury, CT native and former Providence Friar back to the God's country.

Lady Gaga Is a Man

Now when you first read this headline I'm sure you thought, "Holy hell! Someone finally has photographic evidence of Lady Gaga having a fat, fat dick!", but you are wrong. This photo of Lady Gaga dressed up like a man is brought to you by Japan, a country that has also contributed this to society...



And incase you were wondering, this is Japan's version of a hipster (the blue and pink hair is sooooo ironic).

So either Lady Gaga is a genius at being crazy, or just another crazy genius. It's time America started to appreciate the craziness of Gaga. Sure she is crazy and dresses like a man sometimes, but Vincent van Gogh chopped of his own ear and gave it to his girlfriend just on a whim, and he is still a genius. That's right, I just put Lady Gaga and Vincent van Gogh on the same level....no regrets. At least Gaga hasn't gone van Gogh on our asses and wanted to chop off one of her body parts...wait never mind she wants to amputate one of her legs for the sake of art.

Steve Carell Pulls Out

That's what she said...


Steve Carell is leaving The Office after this season and talked to E! about it...

"I just think it's time, I want to fulfill my contract. When I first signed on I had a contract for seven seasons, and this coming year is my seventh. I just thought it was time for my character to go."

If he really thinks it is time for the greatest character on TV right now to go he has lost his marbles. I could watch Michael Scott's antics all day and I'm not sure the show can keep up its greatness without him. I know other characters are hilarious but no one is as great as Michael Scott. Carell talked about the future of the show and commented...

"It doesn't certainly mean the end of the show. I think it's just a dynamic change to the show, which could be a good thing, actually."

Okay, I believe him when he says it doesn't mean the end of the show and that it will be a dynamic change but a dynamic change is definitely NOT a good thing. The show is perfect the way it is and should stay that way until it ends for good. Carell has other things going on and I respect that but when the seventh season ends next May I will be in a very sad state - like when Zach Braff left Scrubs. Scrubs was awesome until he left, then it turned into a less funny, shittier version of itself. I would rather have The Office end early with Steve Carell than try to go on without him, see the ratings tank and have the network pull the plug Gary Coleman style. Too soon?

Michael Scott you will be missed. You have been a source of entertainment and inspiration (for my awesome corny jokes) the past 5 years and the show will never be quite the same without you.

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Party in the City Where the Heat is On

It is being reported that Lebron James, Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade will sign with the Miami Heat when free agency starts on Thursday. This news comes a few days after it was reported that Lebron and Bosh to Chicago was a "done deal". I don't believe anything with Lebron news until it actually happens so take this news with a grain of salt but I have been predicting Lebron to the Heat all along. The Heat will have to move Beasley and his laziness if they want to free up enough cap space to sign the 3 but that shouldn't be too much of a problem.

P.S. Hey Blog Dylan, I listened to the podcast...specifically the part where you called me out about predicting Lebron to the Heat because you picked the Bulls...how's that karma treating you Riiiiccckkkyyy?

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Jon "Dragon" Gosselin Searching For His Zen

Jon Gosselin recently got this awesome idiotic looking tattoo that took 14 hours to do.


Seriously? I really hope that's just a henna tattoo but I'm pretty sure it isn't. How soon before he regrets this decision...Week? Month? Yesterday? The man actually wishes he was a 25-year-old living on the Jersey Shore. His fat ex-girlfriend Haley Glassman commented, “I think congratulations are in order. He has successfully turned his back into an Ed Hardy t-shirt. It’s what he always wanted [to look like Ed Hardy]…so mission accomplished!” Ah yes, every 33-year-old's dream...to have 8 kids, get divorced, date an ugly fat girl then get a stupid looking dragon tattoo on your entire back.

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World Cup Coaches More Entertaining Than Actual Play

Since the U.S. has been eliminated from the World Cup I pretty much lost all interest. This video helps confirm the fact that the happenings around the game are more entertaining than the games themselves. The announcers sound like they have peanut butter on the roof of their mouths but I'm pretty sure they were giving a play-by-play of the booger eating ordeal because they got bored of the game. Anywhooo this is just plain gross...but enjoy!

Megan Fox Marries Her Dad

Look who has the white iPhone

It has been reported that the Transformers star married Brian Austin Green last week while they were in Hawaii. He is 12 years older than her at 36...I know, I know not nearly old enough to be her dad unless we're in Iran. I'm pretty sure she has been in Hawaii for over a month now - I guess that's what happens when you get fired from Transformers, you take a sweet vacation.

Starz first broke the news and said:

“They had a fairly large wedding, but there were clearly more security people than guests!” the insider tells Star. “They had so many security people that they had to call in local security because the hotel security alone wouldn’t do. It was very hush hush. Everyone was sworn to secrecy.”

The location of the wedding — which took place Thursday or Friday — was the Four Seasons Hualalai at Historic Ka'upulehu on the big island of Hawaii. The hotel has many amenities like a golf course and a spa. The hotel is known for throwing big, A-list weddings.

“The place is perfect for a Hollywood wedding,” says the source. “It’s very romantic and scenic. Megan and Brian had already been there for a few days. It seemed like a spur of the moment thing. I don’t think it had been planned long.”

Great job those people did of keeping the secret. Also, what the hell is it with all the marriage news today? That takes another rich slampiece off the market.

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Is Kitty Purry Married?

Katy Perry was engaged to Russel Brand - for god knows what reason - but she might have already married him. She was being interviewed on The Graham Norton Show when she slipped up by referring to her "mother-in-law" and saying "that's why I married him" at 19 and 35 seconds respectively. I really hope this isn't true because that means it ends all hope for the rest of us to woo her. We all know how much Blog Dylan loves her tits so we may have to put him on suicide watch in case this news is true.

R.I.P. Senator Robert Byrd

His death was anything but barbaric.

Ugg Boots for Men Podcast 2

When I Said That I Loved You I Meant That I Loved You Forever

Yesterday sucked. No other way to put it besides saying that it fucking sucked. I tried to put my feelings into words and all I could come up was that it fucking sucked. Wind out of my sails. It was like you waited four years to get down on prom night and your date is on her period. So what do you do? Just tell her that she's dead to you and move on? No. If there's one thing I know, it's that if you found something you can love you can't let it get away. I fell in love with these guys when they started this run in 2008 and nothing changes that now that it's over. I don't wanna hear about how sorry they are for not advancing to the quarter finals. They have nothing to apologize for. Except coming out flat in every game they played. That's kind of a big deal.

Fun While It Lasted

The US bowed out of the World Cup today with a 2-1 loss to Ghana. After giving up ANOTHER early goal, the US equalized with a Landon Donovan penalty kick. Unfortunately, an early goal by Asamoah Gyan in the first half of extra time gave Ghana the lead. A couple half chances for the US were squandered and unfortunately for the States, the dream ended.



It's a great run by the States and they should certainly be walking away with their heads held high. I certainly hope this love for soccer continues after the World Cup and we can look forward to 2014.

Hey Ghana, The Jig Is Up Baby

I understand that Ghana has some likable qualities about their team but all that means jack shit today. Maybe I'll root for them if they play Portugal or something but not today. Because today they're playing me. Today, they're playing you. Today they're playing the greatest military power this world has ever seen and if you're honestly rooting for Ghana then I don't fucking talk to me. Seriously. You don't like our team then go move to Ghana. Let those poor assholes support you on nothing but critters 'cause I want nothing to do with you.

The Year of the Pitcher

That's right, ANOTHER no-hitter this year. This time it was Edwin Jackson of the Arizona Diamondbacks. It certainly wasn't the prettiest of no-hitters, Jackson walked 8 and threw 149 pitches but it counts all the same. This takes the tally to 2 no-hitters and 2 (3 if we want to go back to Jim Joyce) perfect games. This year is certainly a pitcher dominant season and who knows how many more we'll see.


This was the 3rd time the Rays have been no-hit since last July (Dallas Braden threw a perfect game against them earlier in the season). Which is good because fuck the Rays. Lets go Sox.

Little Fockers

The third installment of Meet the Parents is due to come out December 22nd and judging by the trailer it's gonna blow. Having no Dustin Hoffman is kind of a tell to me that the movie is gonna suck. Plus having the only clip in the trailer being Ben stabbing Robert's dick with a needle is a little uncomfortable to me.

Score Game Winning Goal. Check. Get Your Wife Back. Check

IRENE, South Africa — Landon Donovan’s dramatic goal on Wednesday didn’t just keep the United States in the World Cup. It also may have paved the way for a reconciliation with his estranged actress wife. Donovan and “Rules of Engagement” star Bianca Kajlich had an emotional telephone conversation in the early hours of Thursday morning after he had blown her an on-camera kiss just moments after scoring the winner against Algeria. And despite publicly baring his soul about “getting divorced” on several occasions over the past few months, Donovan told Yahoo! Sports on Thursday that the marriage is not over.

I knew it. Right when he followed his interview with a "Bianca, I love you" I said ohhhh that sly dog. Because believe it or not, chicks dig a hero who can save a country from elimination. I know. I thought the way to a woman's heart was being unemployed and writing on a blog but I suppose it doesn't hurt to be one of the classiest athletes of our time.

Bill and Boca

Carlos Bocanegra. Bill Clinton. Budweiser. This picture screams America and that is awesome. It requires no big post, just awesomeness of the picture.

Another One? Really?

Apparently the blonde chick with the huge tits from the Hills is making another album. And by album I mean a strange combination of the sound of animals dying, fingernails on a chalkboard, and me farting. So I don't think I need to say that it will be a hit. This dumb bitch won't realize she's nothing in this life and just go away forever. Well she should leave her tits. My prediction of total albums sold is 1,200. Maybe 1,300 if she adds a picture of her tits.



My God I love those tits.

Maybe He'll Start Winning Again Now

Apparently Tiger and Elin's divorce will be final soon and nothing big is coming out of it. Nope, certainly not a lot of money going to Elin or anything like that. Other than the 750 FUCKING MILLION DOLLARS going to her. Jesus Christ that is a lot of money. This leads me to believe that Tiger's got a lot more shit to hide because I'm sure part of this clause is she can't do any books or Oprah or shit like that. And if everything had already come out, no way Tiger's paying her 750 million to not say anything. Honestly, I don't give a shit about who's he's banging, I just want him to start winning again. Its no fun when he's shooting above par and not winning. Fuck Phil.

This Is America. We Are American.

Just Billy C and our captain enjoying the king of beers. Awesome.

LA Smackdown. Kobe's Wife Hates Lamar's.

Khloe Kardashian is feeling unloved--not because of her husband, Lamar Odom, but because of one of his Lakers teammates' wives. According to an insider, Kobe Bryant's wife, Vanessa, "hates" Khloe and her entire family, whom she sees as attention-grabbing fame-seekers. And instead of hiding her feelings, Vanessa refuses to have anything to do with the 26-year-old. "She won't sit anywhere near Khloe at Lakers games," the insider reveals, adding that because of Vanessa's dislike of her, Khloe has been shut out of the tight-knit circle the other Lakers' wives have formed. "At a dinner for the wives, Vanessa didn't want to invite Khloe," the insider shares. "She said Khloe is a 'fake wife,' and she didn't want fake wives there." The feeling is mutual. The insider says Khloe and Vanessa have "gotten into fights" in the past. And at the Lakers' NBA Finals game on June 17, Khloe brought Lamar's two children, as well as her mom, Kris, and siblings Kim, Rob, Kendall and Kylie--and they all stayed far away from Vanessa.

Ohhhhh snap! Vanessa Bryant didn't want fake wives at dinner? Really? A fake wife? Kinda like when sat there next to Kobe with a new ring on her finger after he admitted to boning/raping that little white girl in Colorado? That type of fake wife? I hate the ugly Karadashian but I might have to side with her on this one. Like she actually had a job before she met Lamar. I bet she dominates Lamar. I could dominate Lamar. He's a ninny but that's neither here nor there. I'm just curious to see what Khloe and Kobe's bitch fought about. Vanessa mentions something like Lamar is soft and Khloe comes right back with a "Oh ,well your husband raped a chick and probably raped you." Game, set, match.

Papelbon Must Die.

Listen, I love Paps more than the next guy but enough is enough. I have the right to embrace him whenever I want and the right to tell him to fuck off at a moments notice. And don't play me this loyalty shit. He's a closer, he's not an everyday player that had 4 chances a game to make an impact. Pap has 1 job and he's not fucking do it. At what point do we tell the Fonz to take a back seat and let Chachi(Bard) get some licks in there?

Lion Burger? Sign Me Up!

Yes, that is not a typo, a restaurant outside of Phoenix, Arizona is serving up Lion Burgers in the spirit of the World Cup. A whole lot of people are bitching and moaning about this move, but seriously, who wouldn't want to eat one of these majestic beasts?


"Someone please eat me! I'm tired of being so awesome all the time."

Here's the catch, they are only serving 20 burgers a night. That means you need to make a reservation IMMEDIATELY, that is if you can even get one. A whole bunch of animal rights activists (a.s.s.h.o.l.e.s for short) have been making reservations just so other people can't spend their hard earned money on some tasty Mufasa.


Being eaten by humans is a much better fate than being trampled by a stampede of wildebeests (SPOILER ALERT!!!)

I mean seriously come on P.E.T.A. First you want people to start calling fish "sea kittens" (seriously...they really call fish that), and now you want me not to eat lions? This has gone to far. I just wish there was a People for the Okay Treatment of Animals, or P.O.T.A for short. Being cool to cats and dogs is a great idea, but telling me I can't fish because fish have emotions is bullshit. I would be the first to enlist in P.O.T.A. I just want to have my lion and eat it too I guess.

Man Gets Shot. Doesn't Realize It Until Hours Later.

PEORIA, Ill. -- Tracy Durham remembers hearing the pop. But the gunshot wound the Illinois man discovered after a neighbor asked about his limp? That was a surprise. The 48-year-old Durham told police he thinks he was shot by a friend during a party late Sunday at his home. Police say Durham recalled calling the friend's girlfriend ugly. The Peoria man then heard a pop as he took a drink from a bottle of whiskey. But police say he felt no pain. Durham told officers he went to sleep around 3 a.m. Monday and discovered the wound about four hours later.

Someone find me Tracy Durham and put me in contact with him ASAP. Sign him up for the blog, the WBL, and just as my new best friend.  I mean say what you want about the Midwest but they know how to party in Peoria, Illinois. This dude obviously took my advice when I said I once brought a bottle of whiskey and a shotgun to a gathering and showed those fuckers the best damn party they've ever seen. Another reason I want to hang with Durham is this dude is ballsy in every sense of the word. He's the type of the fucker to call your gilfriend ugly then take a swig of your whiskey right in the face. Might even swish that shit around his cheeks then gargle it before swallowing and end it all with a stank fart. But let's not forget about the best part of the story. T-Durz gets shot and doesn't realize it until 4 hours later. He even went to sleep! I want whatever Tracy Durham is drinking and make it a double.

Brohan Santana

Okay, enough is enough. Professional athletes seriously need to stop acting creepy and raping people. You may remember that last October Johan Santana was the latest member of the professional sports fraternity to be accused of rape. Well the case is closed because they couldn't prove lack of consent but "TMZ obtained a copy of the report filed with the Lee County Sheriff's Office on October 28, 2009" and some of the quotes are priceless.

The report continues: "Johan began to pull at [the accuser's] skirt/skort and attempt [sic] to place his hands into her underwear." According to the document the alleged victim "told Johan no multiple times but Johan persisted."

The report gets more graphic, when the accuser claims Santana penetrated her, grabbed and bruised her calf, and "ejaculated on her upper thigh."

The accuser claims she "cleaned her thigh with her underwear" -- and then returned to a tennis court with Santana, and actually watched him play tennis with someone else.

There's no doubt in my mind this was just another consensual case where the girl was looking to profit. Still, athletes need to know better because it happens all girls are money grubbing pirate hookers.

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Longest Match EVER

Holy shit! Did anyone else watch the Isner vs. Mahut Wimbledon match? It is STILL going on! It started around 3pm local time YESTERDAY and just got delayed until tomorrow. The current score is 59-59 in the 5th set. That's not 59-59 points, it is 59-59 GAMES. Isner has had 98 aces and Mahut has had 95. Records are being smashed and frankly I'm not sure how both of them have so much endurance. It is incredible that neither of them has gotten hurt. I'd like to see those pussy soccer players try to play a 10+ hour match.

With the score tied at 58-58 Isner dropped a shot that Mahut had no chance at getting to but the little guy never gave up. He gave this diving effort when he knew he wasn't going to get to the ball and he had no extra energy to spare.


Mahut complained that he couldn't see the ball after he tied it at 59 and they suspended the match for a second straight day. Isner was visibly upset at the suspension because he wanted to try and win it tonight. I don't blame him because there's no doubt he will wake up feeling like he got hit by a train. The crowd even started a "Let them play" chant but we will have to wait until tomorrow to see the conclusion of this epic match...or maybe it will go until Thursday...

White iPhone 4 Delayed till Late July

Sad news for all 13 people waiting to get the white iPhone 4, it has been delayed till the second half of July. To all the people who are upset by this, I think it might be for the best. Now you will be forced to buy a phone that doesn't make you look like a complete ass. White phones are similar to white sunglasses; everyone who owns them are cocky douches.

And yes this is Dax Shepard, whose claim to fame is being a douche.

So if you were considering getting the white iPhone 4 sac up and get the black one and save yourself from becoming the next Dax Shepard.

Hey Ghana/Germany, We're Coming For Your Ass.

PRETORIA, South Africa -- Over and over, everything seemed to go against them.
A referee took away a win last week, and a linesman disallowed another goal Wednesday.Now there was just 3 1/2 minutes left in their World Cup, just that much remaining until all the doubts about American soccer would rise again.But then, in one of the most stunning turnarounds in World Cup history, Landon Donovan"This team embodies what the American spirit is about," Donovan said. "We had a goal disallowed the other night, We had another good goal disallowed tonight. But we just keep going. And I think that's what people admire so much about Americans. And I'm damn proud." scored on a lightning fast counterattack 45 seconds into 4 minutes of injury time. With the most amazing late-game moment in American soccer, the United States beat Algeria 1-0 Wednesday and reached the World Cup's second round, winning a group for the first time since 1930. 

People always wanna hate on Landon Donovan and I don't know why. To put it simply, he is everything that's right about America. Maybe he's not the flashiest or the most eye popping guy out there but he's the hardest working, quickest and smartest dude that has ever sported the red, white and blue and you gotta respect that. I'm watching the Germany/Ghana game right now and I don't really see why we won't be able to beat both of them. I mean it was a narrow 1-0 victory today but there was no question who the better team was out there. America, America, America. It very easily could have been 4-0 but then again that's what seperates us from a team like Brazil. They put those open netters in and we get frustrated and pop them over the cross bar.

P.S. I am getting eeehhhhh wicked hammered tonight.

James Blake (Tennis) Yells at Commentator During his Match

James Blake is either a badass or mentally unstable, but either way he is the man. Blake called out ESPN's commentator Pam Shriver during his match at Wimbledon for talking to loudly. Blake first told her that "I can't believe you played tennis, I can still hear you". This isn't so bad, just a friendly reminder to shut the hell up while he's bashing balls 1000 miles per hour, but Shriver couldn't take the hint. She kept flapping her musty old clap trap EVEN LOUDER than before and trying to defend herself. Blake then yelled "You wanna be an ass about it and act like I'm at fault?". Even after this Shriver didn't know to stop yapping. Finally ESPN cut away from the whole ordeal to show Rafael Nadal walking down a hallway...well played ESPN. Shriver should be thanking ESPN for cutting her off to prevent Blake going McEnroe on her. Video after the break.

The good stuff starts at 4:24
James Blake, I respect the hell out of you.

Jim Rome is a Prick

On a day where everyone should be celebrating a dramatic USA soccer victory Jim Rome is up to his usual asshole ways. Rome dissed soccer today on his radio show by saying that he would rather watch "timbersports" than soccer. Yeah that's right, "timbersports", and if you don't even know what timbersports are welcome to the club. A quick google search resulted in this picture.


"The anticipation builds as Ricky Bodean saws through a fucking piece of wood."

So let me get this straight Romie...you would rather watch steroid inflated hillbillies cut wood than soccer? I knew you were an idiot, but this has taken you to a whole new level. I just wish somebody would lay the smackdown on his ass again like Jim Everett did back in the day

Lawrence Taylor Spits Game Like Big Ben

LT has officially been indicted on charges of rape, criminal sexual assault and sexual abuse stemming from his May 6 arrest. He allegedly paid a 16-year old girl $300 to bang him. This raises two questions - 1) You are arguably the greatest defensive player in NFL history, why do you need to pay 16-year olds to sleep with you & 2) Who does it for $300? Im not exactly an expert on prostitutes but that seems pretty cheap to me.

Taylor is 51-years old, there's got to be some money cougars he could hit up - hell there's probably plenty of 25-year old girls who would bang him. He likely faces a maximum of 3 years in the slammer. What the f**k is it with professional athletes acting really creepy to ugly/underage chicks? You have millions of dollars - go find some legal slam piece to date.

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Yanks Go Marching On!

WHAT A FUCKING GAME!
Our loyal followers, please tell us you watched that game. Or lie. Because if you didn't you're a terrorist loving fuckface. In case you missed, the States dominated the game but just couldn't score. Until Donovan. Until the 91st minute. Until the stars aligned and we fucking scored. A brilliant distribution from Howard, brilliant pass from Jozy, (Fuck you Dempsey for missing it), and a brilliant finish by Donovan. We play the runner up of group D (Either Germany, Serbia, Ghana, or Australia. My moneys on Serbia) on Saturday at 2:30 pm. Don't miss it guys.


Here is the goal that sent us to the round of 16!

Oh yeah, here's the blown call that rivals the one from the Slovenia game.

Best of - The World Cup

With the World Cup nearing the round of 16 I thought I would share some of the more talked about/entertaining videos so far in case you haven't been watching. I don't want to flood the main page with a butt ton of videos so check them all out after the jump (hint - if you don't know what that means hit the "Read more" button below).


I'm not sure what's up with the "Hey There Delilah" background music but punching people is pretty entertaining.

Flying elbows are pretty cool too - especially when they are by France so we can make fun of them for being cheap bastards.

As if we needed more ammo to make fun of the French, their coach refused to shake the South Africa coaches hand after he lost. He went on for over 30 seconds refusing to do it. Very classy France. I'm going to go get some Freedom Fries.

I could have scored this one. If Nigeria had made it they probably would be moving on to the Sweet 16. Oops.

This is one reason I don't watch much soccer - too much flopping and diving.

A hip-check to make any NHL player proud. Now if only there was more of this and less 0-0 matches I might pay more attention.

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British people get wayyyyyy too into soccer - err, football.

Wrong place. Wrong time.

Annnddd finally the worst call of the World Cup...so far. Which call was worse - this one or the Jim Joyce blown perfect game?

Rindsay Rohan

Everyone's least favorite fame whore, Lindsay Lohan, plans to pose nude to promote her handbag line. Normally a sentence with the words "pose" and "nude" gets me excited...butttttt (that could be a large or small butt depending on if she's been hitting up the nose candy recently) does anyone really want to see her naked? I don't need to see a fire crotched, coked out, SCRAM bracelet wearing hooker naked promoting handbags that I will never buy. If you're going to get naked promote something useful like Natty Light. I'd rather see Helen Mirren naked...wait...that just happened?!?!?!?!?!? Alright I lied - my eyes are permanently scarred.


Ah yes, that brings me to the SCRAM bracelet she has to wear 24/7 - the one accessory in Lindsay's otherwise birthday-suit photo shoot. She can't take it off so people are wondering will it be in the pics? Will it be airbrushed out? Well a rep from her handbag company said, "We're thinking of having police on hand so we can remove the ankle bracelet for the pictures". Now I'm beginning to think this is all an evil plan by Lindsay to get the police to remove the bracelet so she can go get shit-faced for an hour. Genius.

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Miley is Still Classy

Here's another photo from Miley's MuchMusic Video Awards performance. I get that she wants to act slutty all the time (even though she says she isn't trying to be) but is the leg kick, nearly exposing her under-age parts, really necessary?

Oh yeah, she's also a really shitty actress and kept messing up while introducing Drake because she "couldn't read her cue cards". Well if she was a good actress she would have been able to improvise but it turns out the Disney Channel doesn't teach classes on how to become Leonardo DiCaprio.

Phillies Fans Are Awesome

We've given you plenty of reasons to hate Phillies fans (or "phans" as those fags like to call themselves) - vomiting on children, idiots getting tasered and kids drinking. Well this new video just makes us laugh at them - karma anyone? I'd like to personally thank the one person who was watching this game because you couldn't have captured a better moment. Note - it is right beneath the Minnesota score in the top left.

Bye Bye Bafana Bafana

South Africa made a run of it, but came up short of qualifying from the group stage to the knock out stage. Earlier today they won 2-1 over France (haha France you suck) and came up short on goal differential to Mexico. This means South Africa will be the first host nation in the history of the World Cup to not qualify from the group stage.


In more important news, the US plays tomorrow morning at 10 ET against Algeria. The scenarios of how we advance are as follows:
(A) Win versus Algeria on Wednesday.
(B) Tie and Slovenia-England tie IF England does not outscore USA by 2-plus goals.
(C) Tie and England loss.


So fucking come on Yanks and let's go through! Don't miss it.

What do the iPhone 4 and Pirates of the Caribbean 4 Script Have in Common?

That the owners of them are fucking idiots. Apparently some British guy goes into his normal cafe shop and finds the 194 page screenplay of Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides .


What kind of idiots do these people give unreleased, supposedly top secret items to? I mean this gets leaked into the wrong tentacles and Davy Jones could have a huge advantage of killing Jack Sparrow! And by our crush of Johnny Depp, we don't want that to happen. Luckily for Disney, the screenplay was given back to them barring any catastrophes.

France Is Down 2-0 To South Africa In The First Half. BAHAHAHAHAHA!

PORT ELIZABETH, South Africa -- There has been so much petulancy, ego and spoiled behavior at the World Cup that it makes Brett Favre's annual antics look downright magnanimous. Diva must be in the water, and drama is certainly permeating the air in South Africa. France staged a protest against its own coach. And the English players and their head man, Fabio Capello, appear to have a deeper split than Jesse James and Sandra Bullock. One thing these running soap operas prove is that American athletes don't own the copyright on rotten attitudes or fractured teams, despite the commonly held perception by many Americans that the foreign athletes who play for their national teams are somehow less selfish and entitled than the athletes who hail from the United States.


Everybody was asking me why I didn't blog about the destruction of the french soccer team. But honestly I couldn't. It was too easy, too predictable, too french. They're all a bunch of drama kings that drive great players like Zidane through the wall. And for what reason? Have any of them won shit? They're just living up to their billing as far as I'm concerned. They pulled out of Vietnam when shit go too hot and now they're pulling out of the World Cup because they think by not trying they actually save face.

I Don't Watch The Bachelorette But I Just Saw This Broad

You know how you hear baseball players talk about how they love to sit on the fastball and the inside heater is right in there wheel house. Well this chick is right in my wheel house. Let's go through the check list of what she has. Blonde hair? Yup. Looks phenomenal in blue? Check. Can she rock a belt that melts your dick and heart at the same time? Yes and Yes. Does she tilt her head every so gently that it invites you in and suggests where to sit? Uh-huh. Just an all around cutie. Not too skinny, not plump at all. And it's like a stab wound to the heart knowing that she's out there on ABC swapping spit with some jerk off from Chicago because he puts gel in his hair and writes a fantastic poem. You know who doesn't put gel in his hair and writes a belly aching blog? Me. This guy. You might even go to the extreme and say I don't give a fuck what my hair looks like, I curse like a sailor and I'm technically unemployed. What is there not to like? She'll look at me and say, "Winner, winner, take me to a chicken dinner." Only to Applebees, though. Money is tight.

Ty Lawson Taking One For the Team

Ty Lawson, guard from the best college in the world (UNC) and current PG for the best basketball team in the world (Denver Nuggets), is ready to sacrifice himself for the good of his team. What's that sacrifice you ask? Banging Kim Kardashian. Lawson may have immediately established himself as the best tweeter ever last night by posting:


The numbers don't lie and apparently there is something special in the coochie's of the Kardashians. 2009? Reggie Bush wins a championship while banging Kim. 2010? Lamar Odom wins a championship while banging the other one. Yeah, Kim has a sister. And she's ugly, you aren't missing much. Lets just say its not by accident Ty is offering to bang Kim. These NBA players will fuck basically anything with a hole, but I'm not sure if Khloe would fit in that category.

Rumors have it Kim is now dating Miles Austin on the Dallas Cowboys. So I'm not saying, but I'm saying: Dallas Cowboys early Super Bowl favorite.

Regardless of just his post on Kim, Lawson is a genius on the tweets. Twitter is so hit or miss. Many times you try to be funny and in reality look like a retard. Lawson is always funny. Clearly Lawson is hilarious.
In other Ty Lawson tweets - we think he should be hanging out with Golden Tate. (click for the pic)

Thoughts on a weekly Ty Lawson tweet category?