Antoine Dodson Stops His Sister From Being Raped

4 years ago we were blessed with this hilarious video about a crackhead leprechaun from Mobile. Today we present you with another gem straight out of Alabama. A true diamond in the rough. If there ever was a way to make attempted rape funny, this is it. The name "Antoine Dodson" will soon become an overnight internet sensation after he helped stop his sister from being raped. Apparently his sister woke up to a strange man next to her in bed and started screaming. Antoine rushed into the room and helped her. He described the situation by saying...

“He’s climbing in your window, he's snatching your people up, trying to rape em, so y'all need to hide your kids, hide your wife and hide your husband because they’re raping everybody out here...We got your t-shirt. You left fingerprints and all. You are so dumb. You are really dumb. For real...You don't have to come and confess that you did this. We're looking for you. We, we 'gon find you. So you can run and tell that, homeboy!”

His grasp of the English language would make Mark Twain jealous. Antoine was overheard saying how jealous he was that the man tried to rape his sister instead of him. No crime has gone unsolved in Alabama the past few days because Antoine is on every case. He just puts on a new bandanna and starts solving shit.

Brohan Santana

Okay, enough is enough. Professional athletes seriously need to stop acting creepy and raping people. You may remember that last October Johan Santana was the latest member of the professional sports fraternity to be accused of rape. Well the case is closed because they couldn't prove lack of consent but "TMZ obtained a copy of the report filed with the Lee County Sheriff's Office on October 28, 2009" and some of the quotes are priceless.

The report continues: "Johan began to pull at [the accuser's] skirt/skort and attempt [sic] to place his hands into her underwear." According to the document the alleged victim "told Johan no multiple times but Johan persisted."

The report gets more graphic, when the accuser claims Santana penetrated her, grabbed and bruised her calf, and "ejaculated on her upper thigh."

The accuser claims she "cleaned her thigh with her underwear" -- and then returned to a tennis court with Santana, and actually watched him play tennis with someone else.

There's no doubt in my mind this was just another consensual case where the girl was looking to profit. Still, athletes need to know better because it happens all girls are money grubbing pirate hookers.

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