Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler Are Engaged

Kristin Cavallari, the former Laguna Beach and The Hills star, got engaged to Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler this past weekend. People says:

A source close to the couple confirms to PEOPLE that Cutler proposed over the weekend during their getaway in Cabo San Lucas.

"He surprised her with a quick trip to Cabo to ask her to marry him," the source says.

Kristin is 24 and Cutler is 27 in case you love those sort of details. If you want to know more about these two all I need to say is that for Jay Cutler, he pussied out during the playoffs this year and as for Kristin, she loves doing coke and apparently at last year's Super Bowl:

The Hills star raised eyebrows for all the wrong reasons during Super Bowl weekend in Miami: "She was wasted the entire time," a source says in the new issue of Us Weekly. "She was going around to everyone, asking them to score her some coke." (Cavallari's lawyer refutes the allegations to Us; MTV declined to comment.)

But those close to the hard-partying Cavallari, 23, say that such antics have become more and more typical. "Her issues are becoming apparent to everyone," an insider reveals. "She's getting scary-thin and not showering regularly...She's clearly unhealthy."

First of all, she's really really hot so she can do whatever she wants. Second, since when was being wasted the entire Super Bowl weekend a crime? Third, the skinnier the better. Fourth, I like both Kristin Cavallari and Jay "Plastic" Cutlery and I'd rather watch this marriage on TV than the Royal Wedding. In other news, she's been to more Super Bowls than Jay Cutler ever will.

Heidi and Spencer are Still Together - SHOCKER

Yes, this is a current picture of Spencer - taken a few days ago.

After all of the news of a split between Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt there are now reports that it was fake and they are still together. I know what you are thinking, "Their split was fake? No way! That is shocking!" but alas yes, it was all fake - sort of like that show they used to be on. Apparently Heidi's friend Lauren Stone (whoever the hell that is) stopped by her house and Spencer was there. She tells RadarOnline...

“I saw Spencer, he seems really normal. He actually showed us his new project he’s working on. He showed us a clip of the movie. I thought it was really funny. I think it’s about a lifeguard that’s trying to get girls. And the lifeguard is kinda of like a douche-bag type of guy, not too cool.”

There's a few problems I have with what she has to say. 1) Spencer can never seem "normal". The man is fucked three ways towards the weekend. 2) His project is about a douche-bag lifeguard trying to get chicks. Ummmm, is he just keeping a journal of his day-to-day activities and trying to turn it into a movie? If his project is anything other than that I think we should all be worried about our general safety. Stone then talked about how Heidi seemed to be doing fine when she said...

“She’s telling us how she’s gardening a lot and writing music and she seems to be really happy.”

Oh jesus. Not writing music. Anything but writing music. I would rather see Susan Boyle naked than listen to a Heidi Montag song, especially one that she wrote. If this is what we get when "professionals" write songs for her god only knows what she will write. At least this post gives me a good excuse to post this picture again.

*Click to enlarge those bad boys*


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Spencer Pratt is Fucking Crazy

As I'm sure you already know, the Hills series finale was earlier this week and ended with a great bang: it proved to all its dumb-ass followers that the entire show is fake. But the real story is that Spencer Pratt ( The "Sp" of "Speidi", if you will) tried to crash the finale. The problem with these reality shows is they give completely useless people the strange idea they actually matter in this world. In everybody's eyes, Spencer is a nobody that doesn't deserve the fake fame he received. The great part about the story is, because he's a fucking psycho, he knew he wouldn't be allowed at the finale. Now most people would simply give up, but not Spencer. He got the awesome idea to dress up like an old man. They'll never know! Unfortunately for Spencer and fortunately for everybody else in this world, his idiotic attempt to sneak in failed and he was promptly removed from the premise.

The Hills Finale Reveals What Everyone Already Knew

The Hills ended for good tonight but I'm not going to give a summary of the episode because if you care about what happened you probably already watched it and if you didn't watch it you don't give a rats ass. I just want to talk about how everything ended. On Tuesday evening I posted about how Kristin Cavallari said the show was fake. Everyone in the world already knew it was fake and cast members have hinted at it before but it wasn't until the finale that the show actually referenced it.


The main plot line of the finale was Kristin going away for a few months to Europe because she needed to figure out her life. Brody tried to convince her to stay but Kristin got in her car for the airport anyways. As she drives away, with Brody visible in her rear-view mirror, a montage of clips from the show is played - very similar to The O.C.'s finale. Brody stands there as we see the Hollywood backdrop being rolled away behind him - realizing they are filming on a studio lot (not in front of Kristin's house as we thought) with a backdrop and all. The camera pans out and shows that Kristin's car didn't really move at all. She gets out of the car and hugs Brody as the camera pans out revealing all of the cameramen and crew-members. Video of the scene is below.

I was completely surprised by the ending as I didn't expect the producers to finally admit everything was staged and fake but they probably wanted a unique way to end it and they certainly accomplished that. My naive cousin called me after watching it, screaming into the phone about how mad she was that the show was fake. Either she refused to believe it was fake all along or girls really do have smaller brains than guys. Brody talked about the ending on the after-show and said,

"The thing is, as you saw on the end — what's real and what's fake, you don't know. Our relationship, the entire time could have been fake. That's one of the questions: what was real and what was fake, and we left it [open]."

"Could have been fake"?!?!? Okay Brody, the show is over - you don't need to try and cover it up any longer. I was born at night, but not last night. LC and Whitney came back for the after-show while Spencer continued his extremely weird ways by tweeting a picture of him dressed up as an old man.

The Hills is Fake - SHOCKER - Plus Finale Tonight

The Hills SERIES Finale is tonight (10pm) and will end an era of 4 plus years of train-wreck television. PEOPLE Magazine interviewed Kristin Cavallari and she said "Nothing you see on TV is real. Fans need to understand it’s all entertainment. It’s all in fun. I would never put my close friends or a real relationship on a show." SHOCKING. cough*sarcasm*cough. I admit I will be a little disappointed next week when there isn't a new episode because the girls were all slam-pieces and their careers are sure to go down the shitter without The Hills. Seriously, what marketable skills do Kristin Cavallari, Audrina Patrdige or Heidi Montag have besides their looks?


The cast is hosting a finale party at The Roosevelt Hotel tonight and Spencer Pratt isn't invited but he tweeted hints that he might crash it, saying "Anyone craving a little misbehaving?" He also tweeted, "Booking my room @Roosevelt Hotel Hollywood now that I have no place to live I think i should just move in there today [to] stay near the action." Spencer was kicked off the show after threatening to kill a female producer and has promised to go out with a bang saying, "every dog has it's day. and tomorrow is my day."

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Another One? Really?

Apparently the blonde chick with the huge tits from the Hills is making another album. And by album I mean a strange combination of the sound of animals dying, fingernails on a chalkboard, and me farting. So I don't think I need to say that it will be a hit. This dumb bitch won't realize she's nothing in this life and just go away forever. Well she should leave her tits. My prediction of total albums sold is 1,200. Maybe 1,300 if she adds a picture of her tits.



My God I love those tits.

Kristin Cavallari Makes Money at the Pool

Is there a male version of Kristin Cavallari? I guess it's Brody Jenner but if there isn't I call dibs on that life. The girl has no talent and her only marketable skill is her sexy, sexy body yet she makes bank. The Hills star got paid to throw a pool party in Vegas this weekend. She also makes a reported $90k an episode for The Hills. Just so I have this straight - she gets paid $90k an episode to live her life, she gets paid to go to the pool and she gets to hang out with Audrina all day. How do I get that life?

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Speidi Jr.

Everyone's favorite trashy celebrity couple, Heidi and Spencer, might be welcoming the next generation of evil into the world. Heidi Montag is in the middle of a "separation" from husband Spencer Pratt but a lot of people believe it is just for publicity. Heidi and Spencer do something soley for publicity? No way...not in a million years. . Now it is being reported that Heidi is afraid she is pregnant. I'm not sure what to believe with these two anymore because the only truthful part about their relationship is the fact that Heidi's boobs keep getting bigger.

In the article it says an "insider" tells Star Magazine "She and Spencer had an active sex life right up until the day she walked out door, and she was terrified that she could be pregnant." Lesson #1 if you don't want to get pregnant - wear a condom. Lesson #2 - birth control. It's not that hard. I'm sure this is all another publicity stunt but heaven help us if it isn't because there shouldn't be one of these little creatures running around.


I'm pretty sure that "thing" has a goatee.