The World Cup Begins In Less Than 1 Day

You think if they put the World Cup pairings in brackets then that shit would catch on like March Madness? Oh. Most people don't care about soccer? Well I do. I really fucking do.

Group A: France and Mexico
I don't have a ton of faith in those picks actually. Mainly because a host country has never not advanced to the 1 and done round and the french have vaginas. I really don't like France as a country or as a soccer power. And don't even get me started on Mexico. I don't want to say that if there should be a terrorist attack on any group, they should target Group A but if there is let's just say I'm looking the other way.

Group B: Argentina and Nigeria
Again, I have no faith in those picks. Argentina is obviously the best team in this group but Messi never shows up when he plays for the national team and the fans know it. He's just not loved in Argentina the way he's adored in Barcelona and that shit would effect anybody. He's like Neil Armstrong. Dude goes to the moon and now he's back and nobody gives a shit. As for the Nigeria pick? I have no fucking clue. I refuse to root for South Korea and the Greeks are all a bunch of gays. Seriously. Homosexual. Look it up. Those Spartans fucked each other on the daily.

Group C: England and THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
Pretty simple here. I'm never gonna pick against the red, white and blue. Can't do it, won't do it. I don't think it's out of line when I say I full expect them to beat England. Look, it's as much of a mismatch as there has ever been in soccer. England has a strong midfield but the midfield might be where they fall. Gerrard, Lampard, Cole are all guys that star on their club teams so what's gonna happen when they have to play team ball? Mayhem. The US midfield/forward is too dynamic. This aint the same verticle game of old. Dempsey, Donovan, Altidore, Torres, Ricardo Clark, Bradley and Benny are all dudes who have a bit of flair to their game and can make a game breaking move at any point. But the question is can anybody stop Wayne Rooney? Nope.

Group D: Germany and Ghana
Fuck this group. Fuck Germany. Love Ghana even if Essien is out. Stephen Appiah is the captain and he'll have the black stars ready.

Group E: Netherland and Cameroon
No idea. Samuel Eto'o is pretty good. Netherlands are always pretty good. 

Group F: Italy and Paraguay
Put Italy in the group with France and Germany as countries that I despise. They are what's wrong with soccer. dive, dive, dive. And Paraguay is a soccer country, I think?

Group G: Brazil and Ivory Coast
I'm picking Brazil to win the whole dinner. They're too good. I pick Ivory Coast over Portugal mainly because Cristiano is coming into this thing like the fucking savior of soccer or something. I haven't seen something like this since Ronaldinho got his cock sucked by the world in 2006 and we all know how that ended for him and Brazil that year. Plus, I think Drogba is gonna play with a broken arm and inspire the hell out of his teammates. June 20th is when Brazil and Ivory Coast square off.

Group H: Spain and Honduras.
Spain is gross. They're on the Brazil level of good. Way too many weapons for the Spaniards. Torres, Villa, Ramos, Puyol, Cassilas, just to name a few. Honduras is a tough squad, too. Don't sleep on those latin american soccer countries. They're like the small towns you expect to beat in travel soccer and then Rocky Hill comes to Burlington and gets fucking thrashed 6 years in a row.


I don't know what the bracket looks like in the round of 16 or whatever but just know it's gonna be Brazil, Spain, England, and Argentina in the final 4. Brazil/Spain final is gonna be madness.