Lindsay's Furry Vengeance

Lindsay Lohan has quickly become the scum of the Earth. At one point in her life she was loved by everybody (mainly me cause I totally got a thing for gingers). She was cute in The Parent Trap, hot in Mean Girls, and a freak in Freaky Friday (clever, I know). She was graced with a fire crotch that I would love to extinguish (I'm on a roll tonight) (I'm also really enjoying using parenthesis). Now however, she has turned into an ugly, anorexic, coke whore who has become a cancer to the Earth. After skipping her last 4 billion court dates, Lohan decided to go to the Cannes film festival last week, knowing she had a court date in a week. Can you guess what happened? She "lost" her passport and was unable to return for court. Seriously Lindsay? So now there is a warrant out for her arrest and a 100,000 bail placed. Rumors have it Lindsay is attempting to pay in cocaine and old scrunchies.


She's a pathetic waste of space now and it really upsets me. I mean, she isn't even a damn redhead anymore. Her mother doesn't ever keep her in check and has actually been seen out drinking with her daughter at 4 am the night before court. Michael Lohan is a joke as well. The family is an ugly piece of shit. They make the Gosselins look like the Tuohys (Blindside family btw, because who really knows who that family is? I almost put Bullock but decided that family is fucked up too. She did look good in The Blindside though. Too bad she's not a neo-nazi like Jesse James's main hoe. Whelp that was a sufficient rant - I'm gonna end this in parentheses now).

Moral of the story: Lindsay is a cancer to the earth and she will probably be dead soon from pure stupidity.