Wednesday Daily Post - Celeb Update

Just some links for everyone...

1. Jesse James is going to Rehab
2. Tiger Woods finished rehab, will speak at Masters Monday, may have gambled a lot of money with Charles Barkley
3. The Hills Final Season Trailer - it's hilarious to see Heidi try to cry
4. Selena Gomez thinks she's Taylor Swift with the heart symbol
5. Ashley Tisdale isn't good looking, but she is wearing Uggs
6. Heidi Montag wants her own show...shocker
7. Miley Cyrus was on Jimmel Kimmel last night - her movie "The Last Song" came out today and I recommend you see it - also, watch the interview
8. The Kardashian girls running looks really funny to me
9. Ke$ha looks like John Travolta - HILARIOUS!
   

If There Was Ever a Must Post Video, It's This

Out of all my favorite Gus Johnson lines I think it's, "He's in shape!"

Bobcat Walks Into House. What Does It Say?

PORT LUDLOW, Wash. -- A Washington state homeowner says he left his front door open for his own cats. He wasn't expecting a 35-pound bobcat to walk in, but that's what happened. The Port Ludlow resident told animal control officers he watched the wild cat jump over a couch, climb over a big screen TV and then jump up to a loft, where it made itself at home. Washington Fish and Wildlife Officer Win Miller says the bobcat apparently felt safe upstairs. With the help of a tranquilizer gun, animal control officers were able to secure the cat and remove it from the home last weekend. Fish and Wildlife says the bobcat wasn't harmed and was released back into the wild about six miles from the home. One of the homeowner's pet cats was briefly scared away, but "Boo Boo" made it home safely Tuesday.

This story really had 3 major things that stuck out in my mind. First, the wildlife officer is named Win. that's awesome. I can guarantee you that dude doesn't take shit from anybody. Probably something like a Ron Swanson or Duke Silver character. You gotta be all business with a name like Win. And of course he has to make himself sound smart so he comes up with some crazy theory like, "the bobcat apparently felt safe upstairs." Fantastic reasoning on his part. You don't become Washington Fish and Wildlife Officer on accident. Second part that really slapped me in the dick was the cat was named 'Boo Boo.' We have to do better than that, people. But whatever, I won't be the asshole outside of my house calling for 'boo boo' to come insideg and have all the neighbors stare at me. And finally, the bobcat knew what the fuck it was doin. Walked inside, jumped the couch, climbed over the TV and hopped into bed. My kind of lady. I do like a little ESPN before I get tucked in, though.

This Is One Of The Girls Tiger Liked To Party With? Now That Makes Sense

A woman who said she had an affair with Tiger Woods claims that members of Woods' inner circle, including his agent, knew of the extramarital affairs that resulted in Woods missing four months on the PGA Tour and spending 45 days in a rehabilitation clinic. In the April issue of Vanity Fair magazine, Mindy Lawton -- a Orlando, Fla.-area waitress -- said that Woods put her in touch with his agent, Mark Steinberg, when The National Enquirer learned of her affair with the golfer. Woods said in interviews last week that people around him were unaware of the extramarital affairs that landed him in the tabloids. "It was all me," he told the Golf Channel in a March 21 interview. "I'm the one who did it. I'm the one who acted the way I acted. No one knew what was going on when it was going on. "I'm sure if more people would have known in my inner circle, they would have stopped it or tried to put a stop to it. But I kept it all to myself," he said. According to Lawton, when she contacted Steinberg at Woods' request, Steinberg said, "We'll take care of it." She told Vanity Fair: "That's when their brush-under-the-rug, the cover-up, happened." She was referring to a deal that the Enquirer allegedly made with Woods' handlers to hold the adultery story in exchange for Woods giving an exclusive interview to its sister publication, Men's Fitness.

Yup. Now I really don't believe that Tiger's boys didn't know about his infidelity because that woman is a must talk about. If this was 2007 she would totally be my type. She's one of those girls yo you get with then 2 minutes after you get right on the horn and say, "Yo. I got a story to tell." Like even my cat just jumped up on the table, saw that picture and said, "meee-yoww." That's how I'm gonna judge if people are hot from now on, by the way. Just bring him around and give them the meow test. But what this story doesn't do is talk about what these girls want from Tiger. Yeah, he cheated on his wife a zillion times and then some but we already know that. I'm over it. None of this is news anymore. Is it because they want some form of compensation? I think it is which is pretty funny when you think about it. Here they are talking about how they're not hookers or prostitutes but they wanna be paid for emotional damages caused by Tiger. Just like a whore would want to be paid for sex. When all Tiger did was have sex with them. Hmmmmm. Fancy that, ladies.

Rooney Injured

Wayne Rooney will be sidelined for two-to-four weeks because of a sprained ankle, a person close to Manchester United told The Associated Press. Rooney was hurt in the final minute of Tuesday night's 2-1 Champions League loss at Bayern Munich.

This is a huge blow for Manchester United. They just lost their number one scoring threat. He's going to be missing like three games because of this, including a game against Chelsea who is only one point behind them in the standings. As faithful Americans though we have something to hope for. If this injury lasts long enough it could effect how he plays, of if he plays in the World Cup. Without Rooney, England has no chance against us. Back to the injury in the game, i blame it on the Man U. coach. It's the final minute of the game, Rooney shouldn't even have been playing. He should have taken him out with about five minutes left to get some fresh legs in there and then Rooney doesn't get hurt and theres a new kid in there that could run all over the tired Bayern Munich defense. Why am i so smart?

How's a Line Drive to the Chest Feel?

Minnesota Twins leadoff man Denard Span hit a foul ball that struck his mom in the chest during Wednesday's game. She was treated by paramedics and back in the stands minutes later. Wanda Wilson was wearing a Span jersey and sitting with about 20 family members and friends near the third-base dugout.

Damn, i dont know many people that can take a line drive right to the chest and be back minutes later. I bet Denard was just getting back at his mom for that one time when he was eleven and she didnt let him sleep over his friends house. "Yeah, take that" he says. Seriously though what are the chances of that? Poor Mrs. Span is going to be terrified every time she goes to a game now. Shoulda bought the cheap seats.

Apparently Todd McShay Doesn't Know Shit

Many NFL scouts have a sore spot for failed NFL scouts who enter the media and attempt to critique the work of NFL scouts who have not yet failed. Even more NFL scouts have a sore spot for guys who were never NFL scouts, couldn't be if they wanted to, and then attempt to critique the work of folks who became NFL scouts. Once upon a time, Mel Kiper was the primary target of NFL scouts; Kiper has been supplanted by his on-air protege/rival at ESPN, Todd McShay. As McShay's profile increases, and as he takes on the likes of quarterback Jimmy Clausen for reasons that many league insiders believe have no merit, McShay becomes a magnet for criticism. "Most people at my level feel he is a joke," a veteran NFL scout told us via e-mail. "People in the league respect Kiper. He is not a true scout but he does work at it. A lot of his info he gets from connections in the league, and over the years he has made quite a few. When he was younger he used to burn some bridges. He doesn't do that any more." So what about McShay? "McShay does not have any good connections," the source opined. "Higher-ups in the league think he is an arrogant asshole. A know-it-all. And he really knows nothing. Whatever he says about a quarterback, take it to the bank, it will be the opposite. Remember, last August he stated that Jevan Snead was better than Colt McCoy and would get drafted in the top five. He has yet to publicly retract that statement.

The only reason I like McShay is because he's a guy who really has no extensive background in his field and he's still making the most of it. Kind of like an inspiration, I guess. And he seems like a nice boy with kind eyes. He's a Boston kid who payed QB in high school, cut film for the coaching staff at Richmond then signed on as intern for a scouting publication out of college, that company got bought out by ESPN and then he climbed aboard the powerhouse in Bristol as a football analyst. It's like an episode of How To Make It In America for the sports obsessed blogger. So I don't really care what some bitter NFL scout, making half of McShay's salary has to say. He's living the dream as far as I'm concerned.

I'm Not Feelin' It Today

You're welcome.

The Durantula Touches Down In Boston Tonight

WALTHAM, Mass. -- Call it a bit of advanced scouting, but Celtics center Kendrick Perkins was watching the Oklahoma City Thunder play on NBA TV recently and the one thing that stood out above all else came after the final buzzer. "They interviewed Jeff Green after the game and he surprised me because he was like, 'We're a hard-working team, trying to win a championship,'" Perkins recalled after Tuesday's practice. "Well, no one picked Oklahoma City to even make the playoffs this year, but just the vibe in that locker room, to have one goal and that's to win a championship as a young team, I found that kind of crazy."

Boston is obviously #1 in my heart. Forever and ever, hell or high water we're gonna be tied together. I don't care if they traded away the starting 5 this offseason, I'm still there. That's just how I am. However, it's no secret I'm getting my Tiger on with Oklahoma City. Too much to like about this team. Young, smart, confident, tough, and really, really good. Like a 2002 Justin Timberlake. Kevin Durant is the real deal. Lebron makes some shots look impossible but Durant makes those same shots look effortless. He's a black Larry Legend. And we like Larry Legend.

Kids, Man. Kids.

MORGANTOWN, W.Va. -- A survey shows that kids at the West Virginia school featured in "Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution" liked their standard pizza and chicken nuggets more than the celebrity chef's fresh, healthy menu items. And when denied the food they were used to, many stopped buying the school lunch. The survey at Central City Elementary in Huntington also found children drank less milk after Oliver removed the sugary chocolate and strawberry bottles. But there is a bright spot in the data from the West Virginia University Health Research Center: More than six in 10 kids said they'd learned to try new foods.

This is called standing up to the fucking man. Normally you would think in West Virginia that these young kids would revolt in a way of violence. Maybe throwing their new chicken nuggets at the janitors or urinating on the mixing spoon then throwing it into the mac and cheese. Who knows what starving, angry children are capable of. I know when I'm hungry it's a good idea not to come near me. I'm like a ticking time bomb. You phrase something the wrong way or use a tone I don't appreciate and it's lights out for you. Now think about when I'm drunk and craving a pizza. Say goodnight and whisper a prayer. ANYWAY. Instead they flip the world on it's axis and give the school a little boycott action. The spirit of Gandhi is alive and well in Morgantown, W.Va. Only thing that would have been better would be to get their Boston Tea Party on and jump behind the counters and start doing lewd acts to the healthy pizza. And don't try to tell me that shit didn't go down at the Boston Tea Party. That's where the term "tea bagging" came from, right? No? Well it should have.

The Situation And Snooki Just Kickin' It With The Mayor of NYC. And Some Bitch From The 60's

And this is why I hate everything about New York.

Facebook To Scrap "Become a Fan" for "Like"

NEW YORK -- Facebook is about to change the way it asks its users to connect to brands and celebrities on the site. Rather than ask people to "become a fan" of say, Starbucks or Lady Gaga, Facebook will instead let users click that they like the subject. Facebook already lets people show that they like comments or pictures posted on the site, and it says users click that term almost twice as much as they click "become a fan." Facebook says changing the button will make users more comfortable with linking up with a brand and will streamline the site. Businesses use Facebook pages, which are free to create, to connect with their customers and promote their brands. Facebook makes money from the advertisements these companies often use to draw users to their pages. The average user becomes a fan of four pages each month, according to Facebook. "The idea of liking a brand is a much more natural action than (becoming a fan) of a brand," said Michael Lazerow, CEO of Buddy Media, which helps companies establish their brands and advertise on social networks such as Facebook. "In many ways it's a lower threshold."

I like this. It was starting to get out of hand when some average joe DJ Big A could make a fan page to make himself feel like he's worth something(I'm joking! kind of). I'm really just waiting for Facebook to allow users to ''like'' comments. I'm not talking about wall posts, I mean the comments under the post. Aren't those usually the best? For example, some girl says to her friend, "Can't wait for this weekend, gonna get wild you hot bitch, blah, blah, blah." Then a brave young gentleman comes up under the comment section and presents us with a "aren't you the girls who were crying after you got kicked out of the party last week? You got puked on by my friend!" You would then see Connor DatDude Rusinko ''likes this."

I Call This, "Common Sense"

It doesn't take me nine minutes to tell you that the Yankees are going to repeat this year while the Red Sox watch hopelessly and wish they didn't suck. They didn't lose anyone important from last year. They're going to come back as talented as ever and they'll be bringing the heat all season. My boy Robby Cano is going to have an MVP season and Jeter is going to be amazing as usual. Sabathia is returning as well, and oh yeah, they have A-Rod, too, i heard they're pretty good. But what do i know? Get your tissues ready, RzaGetzBucketz.

Tuesday Daily Post - Best Chatroulette Pictures

To many of our followers this may already be well known, but we here at Ugg Boots for Men are avid chatroulette players. It's random, it's hilarious, and it's disgusting. So I can’t see why anybody wouldn’t love it. Now as promised, we’re going to start delivering the top 10 best chatroulette’ers we’ve gotten in the past week or so. So without further ado, we present out top 10 chatroulette pictures:

10. I personally think it's funny when we get the people asking for dick on chatroulette. We know most people are on here trying to get the odd pair of ugly titties, but a select few dare to ask for the manhood as well.
    
    

9. Great fucking beard. Let's be honest, who doesn’t love beards? Those who can grow them, grow them and those who can’t, dream of one day being able to have such a beard.



8. I think the people who intentionally set up signs or wear hilarious masks are the best people to get on chatroulette. When you hit next (or in my case, usually get nexted) it's always such a nice surprise to see some funny mask or hilarious set up.



7. This picture may look somewhat familiar and that’s because it is the same guy. Only difference, he turned around to show the massive tarantula crawling on his back. He asked me “do you like spiders?” and then turned around to show that monster. Terrifying, yes I know.



6. I just think this guy is really funny looking. He looks like a combination of Stanley Tucci from The Lovely Bones and Matt Damon in The Informant!. Oh, and great ‘stache.


5. No idea what it is or why I think it's funny. But seriously, you know you laughed.



4. Awesome. First off, it's awesome that this person even owns a Stormtrooper helmet. Second, its awesome that this person sits on chatroulette with said Stormtrooper helmet just to make people laugh. And third, looks like it might be a chick. Nice



3. It's widely known that many people on chatroulette are blazed out of their minds. But never have I been so certain that I had a chatroulette’er who was so stoned he was seeing shit. He can barely open his eyes and do we need to discuss how awesome those dreads are? Thank you sir, you are a legend.



2. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaha. This dude just rocks.

And now the wait is over, the number 1 picture from chatroulette is...


1. Yes, I got a guy doing coke on chatroulette. First off, this isn’t 1987, who does coke anyway? Second, who the fuck does coke on chatroulette? Smoking a bowl is fun and everybody loves it, but nobody loves watching you do coke on the internet. Now I understand chances are this tool bag can’t afford coke and he’s probably snorting children’s tylenol, but regardless, creepy bro. Awesome, but kinda creepy.
   
   
   

Relax, Ladies

I'd be screaming mad too if a bunch of lesbian basketball players were yanking at my chesticles.

Opening Day Is 5 Days Away. Buckle Up.

Let's get right to the point. I love this team. I wasn't so hot in the pants about them 3 months ago when they were putting it all together but now I really am. What's not to like about the deepest/most talented pitching staff in the game? It's a fortunate issue to have when you have trouble fitting a pitcher like Dice-K and Bucholz into your rotation. All I'm saying is in the playoffs we're gonna be terrifying. Like guys will be going bat shit over the thought of facing Beckett, Lester and Lackey in 3 consecutive games. How many regular season series will we sweep with those 3? Good Lord. And then all the doubters want to make fun of how we went after defense instead of offense but I don't really think we have a ton to worry about. I think this team is drastically better than last season. We're younger, faster, better, stronger, and Adrian Beltre just fucking excites me. I've always wanted him. I've always believed in him. I've always loved him and now he's one of my own. Welcome to the wolfpack. Which brings up another point about the improvement of this squad. Beltre can mash it. He's gonna kill it this year at the plate at Fenway. Pretty solid numbers last year and that was playing half his games at Safeco. Not exactly your backyard baseball stadium. He has a Fenway swing. My only fear there is Mikey Lowell on the team might fuck with his head. I ktnow when people come out and tell me Scotty had a great post, I lose a little sleep. I feel like Kobe when Lebron came into the league. Scutaro is blehh. I don't love him but he's better than any player we've ever had at Shortstop(except Nomar, may he rest in peace). The other side of the infield will be money as usual. Pedroia and Youk just cleaning shit up. Perennial MVP candidates. I'm in love with them. And now it's when things get sticky. Possibly a little ugly. David Ortiz. He better fucking bring it this year or shits gonna hit the fan in beantown. Last year players stuck by him but I'm not so sure about 2010. I think he'll be alright. Between him and Cameron though, I worry about the offensive production. Old bones creep me out. Ellsbury moving to left field is probably the best move the Sox made all offseason. Just genious. Young guy, save his legs, give the monster seat fans something to look at. Jacoby can have a break out year. I feel it. I don't know why but I feel it. We still have JD Drew, right? All I can say about him is he is what he is. Won't get anything more from him. Won't get anything less. I don't have a real issue with that because he's been decent. Oh yeah, V-Mart is fantastic. Don't tell me the Yankees didn't shit their pants when the Sox resigned Martinez and the Twins made Mauer rich for the rest of his life. They can talk about their defending champs and shit but they're worried for the future. And if they're not, they should be. World Series Champs 2010 has a nice ring to it.


P.S. That post took me 9 minutes to write. That's what a veteran on top of his game looks like.

Ricky Martin is Gay...Shocker

So, Ricky Martin has finally come out of the closet. In other news, Gabourey Sidibe ate a cheeseburger today. Did anyone expect Ricky to be straight? If you did you clearly liked his music a little too much and were ignoring all the tell tale signs. Ricky tried to cover up his rainbow colors by saying "I guess these rumours were started by people who don't have a life, or perhaps it's because they want me to be like them and I'm not. I try not to pay attention to any of these allegations. I could have been married with kids for years or have 27 girlfriends, and if people still want to go around saying that I'm gay, they will." He threw people off when he had twins in 2008, even if it was with a surrogate. I once had a high school teacher who claimed to have a wife, children and ordinary family until the seniors had some free time and outed him as the "Mr. Maryland Leather Man" contest winner. Yes, that was the end of his career as a teacher.

When Ricky Martin sang "Livin' la Vida Loca" in 1999 he was an instant pop sensation. After that he was terrible. I don't know why he had to hide his true colors all these years, it's not like he had a career to maintain. He claims he feels more open and free now that he admitted he is gay but I'm still not sure why he tried to hide it at all. How weird will that be for his kids, 'Hey dad, where is mommy', 'actually, I just used a surrogate to hide the fact that I am gay from millions of people and I don't really care about her', 'so I have a mom and two dads?'. Despite the fact that he is gay you still have to admit "Livin' la Vida Loca" was extremely catchy and a great video.

Parent Of The Year

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. -- A West Palm Beach man is accused of leaving his 9-month-old daughter alone in a hot car while he shopped in an adult bookstore, West Palm Beach TV station WPBF reported.Rafael Garcia was charged Saturday with child abuse and neglect.Garcia told police he lost track of time while searching for a "sexy outfit" in the store.Deputies said the infant had a 104-degree fever after being left alone in the car for more than a half-hour.

Hey, it's not easy a being a single parent. Poor woman has to do twice the work that most families do so why can't she go get her freak on? Wait. What's that you say? "She" is a ''he?" And he was looking for a ''sexy outfit?"I can't defend that. Must be gay day over here at Ogling Ed Hochuli. But this also brings up another thing that bothers me and not a lot grinds my gears or for the sake of the story, tweeks my nipples. Why must we call this store an adult bookstore? It's not a bookstore in any sense of the word. You'll go into Borders and see Grandma Moses reading some new novel in cafe with a latte. Maybe checking out the new Michael Buble CD. But Rafeal wasn't shopping for the latest series of Adventure of Donkey Dong's. Oh, no. He needed a sexy outfit to get himself a baby momma. That my friends, is not a bookstore.

Top News Story of the Day

My husband and I are divided when it comes to loading the dishwasher. My methodology is aimed at space efficiency: I line up all the plates on one side, all the cups on the other, and anything random/big in the middle. His technique, or lack of, is completely haphazard—he just throws things in the machine in the first empty spot he sees (which means only about about half as many dishes fit).

Apparently loading the dishwasher is causing a huge dispute and apparently it's top news. I dont really have anything to say about this except that whoever felt the need to write an article about this is a dumbass and i'm putting it upon myself to expose that person. The arguing couple is included in this too. I changed my mind, i have a few quick thoughts:
1. The wife in this article is a controlling bitch i bet. I could just picture her screaming at her husband as he "haphazardly" throws dishes in the dishwasher, and the husband just mumbles to himself how much he hates her and is miserable.
2. The husband is doing nothing wrong though. No one actaully puts dishes in the right way. I bet he just does it to spite her. And i respect that.
3. There are a lot bigger problems in the world today than how to put dishes in the dishwasher. This just sickens me.

Monday Daily Post - Top 10 Hottest Wives in Sports

You may have noticed that nearly all sports stars have really hot wives and as my friend Steve would say, "Well what do you expect, he has millions of dollars!!". We have compiled a list of our Top 10 Hottest Wives in Sports. Enjoy. If you have your own opinions feel free to post in the comments.

10. Amy Mickelson
    
Golfer Phil Mickelson's wife starts the list and is another failure by him to top Tiger Woods. Amy is definitely a MILF though so we give him props for that.



9. Willa Ford
   She is the wife of NHL star Mike Modano. Willa has posed for playboy and was on Dancing with the Stars. The 29 year old is known for being a singer, model, television host and actress.
   
   



8. Elin Woods
   She couldn't even top our list but we felt bad for her and put her at #8. Elin is famously known as Tiger Woods' wife and smack in the middle of his infidelity scandal. Before striking gold by marrying Tiger, Elin was a model and nanny.
   
   
   


7. Ingrid Vandebosch
   Jeff Gordon's wife is a 39 year old Belgian stunner. She appeared in the 2008 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue with the #4 lady on this list, Carmella DeCesare.
   
   
   
6. Victoria Beckham
   Posh Spice has been a staple in pop culture since 1994 when the Spice Girls burst onto the scene. She married soccer star David Beckham in 1999 and she has been all over tabloids ever since, not that we mind.
   
   
   
5. Eva Longoria-Parker
   The 35 year old Desperate Housewives star recently married Tony Parker. Not only is she awesome because she attends most of his games but she happens to be smoking hot too. Who wouldn't want a wife that watches you play sports and is a hard 10?
   
   
   
4. Carmella DeCesare
   Jeff Garcia's 27 year old wife was Playboy's Miss April in 2003 and Playmate of the Year in 2004. In 2004 she also got in a bar fight with another woman. Pure awesomeness.
   
   
   
3. Brooklyn Decker
   The 22 year old is married to tennis star Andy Roddick and graced the cover for the 2010 issue of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. The cover is below.
   
   
   
2. Adriana Lima
   The 28 year old Victoria's Secret Angel is married to former NBA player Marko Jaric. Although his NBA career was short lived and terrible he has struck gold off the court by locking down Lima.
   
   
   
1. Gisele Bundchen
   We've finally reached #1 on the list and it is none other than the most famous Victoria's Secret Angel. Gisele is 29 years old, married wonder-boy Tom Brady last year and recently gave birth to their first child.
   
   
   

While Steelers Players Are Abusing Chicks, Ours Are Banging Playboy Bunnies

Wes Welker – photographed here with Ashley Dupre, the hooker made famous by Eliot Spitzer – and Miles Austin were at the Playboy Mansion last weekend where the Playboy Golf Finals were held.

How's that for a shredded knee? This is how it's fucking done, boys. You tear your ACL and MCL, you go out and get some STD. I'm not remotely upset about this. Wes Welker is a guy who has a free pass for the rest of his life. The guy works his dick off every second he's on the field. I'll allow him to take a break from rehab to get his hump on.


P.S. BOOM-SHACKA-LACKA!

There Must Be Something in the Water in Pittsburgh

A Florida woman is suing Pittsburgh Steelers receiver Santonio Holmes, saying the one-time Super Bowl MVP hit her in the face with a glass at an Orlando nightclub and then offered to pay her so she wouldn't press charges.

Well at least Holmes didn't rape her right? What's up with all of these Steelers players being just straight up bad people. You think the coach, or owner, or someone high up over there would sit all of them down and just tell them to leave the girls alone for a little while. Maybe lay low for a bit. "And then offered to pay her so she wouldn't press charges." That's great. Another professional athlete attempts to use his money to get him out of trouble. Classic. When are those poor girls going to learn that you can't interact with Steeler's superstars without consequences?

Enjoy It While It Lasts!

Ernie Els made two clutch par putts, escaped trouble from a buried lie in the bunker and wound up wearing a blue blazer Monday for winning the rain-delayed Arnold Palmer Invitational.

Don't get used to wearing that blazer, Ernie. Tiger is going to be back soon and it will go back to normal with everyone else just playing for second place. He won after making clutch par putts and escaping trouble from a buried lie in the bunker? Doesn't seem that good to me. Tiger wins by draining 80 foot eagle putts and hitting 400 yard drives down the middle without ever breaking a sweat. I'm telling you, Tiger will be back and playing better than ever.

P.S. I'd just like to point out that Els's nickname is "The Big Easy". Did he use to be the big girl that all the guys got with back in high school or something?

Ricky Martin Comes Out. 8 Years Too Late

Martin just posted the following message on his official website: "Today is my day, this is my time, and this is my moment ... These years in silence and reflection made me stronger and reminded me that acceptance has to come from within and that this kind of truth gives me the power to conquer emotions I didn't even know existed." He ends his post with, "I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man. I am very blessed to be who I am."

Wait a minute. You're telling me that until today everybody was still kind of unsure about Ricky Martin? Seriously? As in Mr. Livin' La Vida Loca? That Ricky Martin? Honestly, I thought the dude was gay all along. All latin guys are a little fruity in my book. I had no idea he was trying to hide it or something and was even remotely close to touching a woman. And there's nothing wrong with being a gay or contracting gay man aids. Just don't come near me, that shit is contagious.

16 and Pregnant Is On. Let Me Tell You How It Ends

-Trashy girl gets knocked up. Doesn't know how it happened. That's what happens when you're 16 and haven't passed that class yet.

-Couple scenes of her in school and she talks about the awkward stares she receives. What they don't show is what really happens. Laughter.

-We get introduced to the boyfriend/father. He's always a fuck up. Just a real asshole. Parents hate him, friends of girl also hate him. And now that he's a father at 16, God hates him.

-Parents of the girl act like they're proud and excited but really they cry themselves to sleep at night, burning parenting books.

-Boyfriend comes back into picture around the time mommy is due and says he's a changed man. But once the real work starts, he's gone. Show ends with closing credits of mother and child staring off into abyss. Another story of a future criminal begins.

-Does free health care mean we have to support these people? Really? REALLY?

This Sums Up The Celtics Season

The scary thing is this wouldn't have been possible two years ago.

Fucking Bieber

I love Katy Perry. She's totally in my 5 woman rotation. Like she doesn't even need to worry about sniffing the bullpen. Who's she kissing? My arch enemy, Justin Bieber. I don't what else I have to do to get his attention. I've tweeted him about throwing down in a cage match, threatened to punch him in the vagina if I see him on the street and then I even complimented him on his songs. They're so catchy. I hate him but make no mistake, if I had the ability to sing One Less Lonely Girl it would be my go-to move 25/7. Yes, 25/7. That's how hard I work.

The New Nets Owner Is A Little Bit Money

Mikhail Prokhorov, the man who recently bought the New Jersey Nets, not only has a lot of money but he also is a little bit money. Not only is he 6'8" but he is sort of the man. In January 2007 he flew 8 Russian models to a French ski resort to party and the French thought he was trying to smuggle prostitutes into the country. His business partner suggested he sell his share of his company before the negative publicity hit and he did just that, to the tune of 10 billion doll-hairs. Two months later "the international crisis devastated the Russian stock markets". Never has bringing 8 models on a ski trip been so profitable. When asked if he can turn the Nets from the worst team in the league to the best he replied "In the Frank Sinatra song "New York, New York" 'if I can make it there, I can make it anywhere'". Do you think he knows Jay-Z is part owner of his new team and tried to get some brownie points by dropping a line that Jay quotes in his Empire State of Mind song? Steve Kroft asked him about all the women he hangs out with and why he hasn't married one and Prokhorov said he hasn't found a woman who can cook well enough to marry. What a badass. Check out the interview below.

The Love of Video Games

If you ask most college males what the ultimate dick measurer is they would answer video games. Video games give out of shape, usually drunk bums an opportunity to strut their stuff and act like the alpha male he dreams to one day be. I understand that Madden is usually the game of choice, but I’m very excited about the rise in my personal favorite, Fifa. The activities I involve myself in are pretty much narrowed down to: chatroulette, movies & video games. But let me be honest, video games are clearly at the top (chatroulette is rising however). The best thing about video games (and mainly your specific video game) is how important it is to you. I’ve broken countless things after a tough loss in fifa. I haven't talked to friends after they beat me and sometimes won’t talk to them until I beat them again.

Recently, I was visiting a friend in Richmond. Me and a couple of his roommates were hanging out when Xbox came up. Obviously, I asked what the game of the house was and got a little excited when I heard it was Fifa. Now, as any serious video game player will tell you, you take your gaming very serious. This is my Healthcare and I intend to perfect it. I’m always a little nervous when I play a new opponent. I don’t know how he plays. He could be a defensive counter-attacking player, or he could like steady build up and possession. I also take into consideration the away settings. I don’t have my controller, my tv, or my game. To any serious player, those are nice things to have to your advantage. I, as always, pick the best soccer team in the world: Manchester United. He picks another good team, Barcelona. I start the game slow. He gets a couple half chances and dominates possession. Upset with myself, I start to play worse. Around the 20^th minute, I settle down and start playing my game. BAM! Rooney makes it 1-0. BAM! Berbatov makes it 2-0. In nothing flat I’m up two goals. Near the end of the first half I knew I could really put a nail in the coffin. Around the 42^nd minute I get a little bit of space on the left side of the field and get a decent cross in. Berbatov is unmarked to finish him off and made it 3-0, by halftime I knew the game was mine. I made it 4-0 before the end of the game and felt incredibly proud. He of course demanded a rematch, 4-0 again. The third game? My foot slipped of the pedal and I gave up a goal, 3-1, my victory. The point of this is not to brag about my skills, but instead show the importance of what video games are to us non-athletic, unskilled people. We are finally able to strut our stuff and be the alpha male. And in my opinion, it fucking rocks.

Now after confessing my love for video games, I admit my somewhat lack of romantic skills. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a complete nerd, but I wouldn’t particularly argue if you said I’d prefer to stay up all night and play fifa as opposed to stay up with a girl. So the perfect solution? Play fifa with hot girls! Yes, you got it right, now thanks to Gamecrush, I am able to play fifa with sexy, dirty women. But wait, it can get even better. Users are given a choice between “flirty” and “dirty”, which, if I’m correct, means I get to talk dirty while playing fifa. There may just be a God.

Bullard Gets Booed

Hodgson said: "You've got to remember the Fulham fans loved Jimmy Bullard and they weren't very happy when he refused to sign a new contract with Fulham and went to Hull for an awful lot more money so I don't think I can really criticise them. Jimmy knew what he was doing. I don't think he came up here to better his football, he came up here because there was a lot more money on offer, and that's what our fans choose to remind him of from time to time. I don't expect Fulham fans to be anything other than disappointed in him."

I have to admit, i know nothing about this guy, but i dont like him. He represents everything that's wrong with sports today. It's all about the benjamins and it sickens me. They get paid millions, and theyre never happy. It's always more, more, more. The fans had every right to boo him. They loved you Jimmy. They loved you. That's why i love European soccer though. The fans are so passionate and they let you know it. I've seen fans practically break stadiums becuase they get so hyped up. Bullard should be happy that all he got was booed. If i were a Fulham fan, let's just say that Bullard wouldnt be walking off that pitch without a couple of his feelings hurt, and he would be afraid to fall asleep that night. You can't mess around if youre a soccer fan in Europe.

Blind Fencing Match To Take Place. That's a Sport, Right?

WATERTOWN, Mass. -- Cory Kadlik has never let being blind stop him from golfing, skating, learning martial arts or riding a dirt bike. He had his doubts when it came to fencing. "I never even knew this was possible," said Kadlik, 19, of Medway as epees clanged, his teammates whooped in triumph, and coaches barked out instructions in the gym of Perkins School for the Blind. "I'm on Twitter, and I mentioned to my followers and friends that I was going to be in a fencing tournament and I had ten replies saying 'Blind people can fence? Really? No way!' Yeah, anything is possible." Kadlik duels Monday in what's being billed as a first-of-its kind match between students at schools for the blind -- Perkins and The Carroll Center for the Blind in nearby Newton. The match was the brainchild of Perkins fencing instructor Cesar Morales, founder of the International Fencing Club in suburban Boston and also a teacher at the Newton school. Morales said the students got bored fencing against the same people week after week and needed outside challenges.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. A blind kid can use twitter? I always thought John Grady was the pride of Medway, MA but I think Cory just took the title away. Let's cut the shit about the whole tough guy fenching shit, too. Isn't he blind? Why wear the mask? I say get your medieval on and fight like men. An old fashioned dual. It won't matter if you poke one of your eyes out. Just pop that fucker back in and get your braille on!

Sports Headlines

If you haven't been paying attention to sports for the past few days here are some headlines and links to what's going on:

1. Ovechkin vs. Crosby in the 2011 Winter Classic in Pittsburgh - why couldn't it be in Washington at FedEx Field?
2. Washington Nationals will start rookie Ian Desmond at SS - does anyone care?
3. Washington Capitals can clinch 1st seed in the East with 1 point today vs. Calgary - New Jersey, Buffalo, Pittsburgh, San Jose, Chicago & Pr hoenix have all clinched spots
4. Butler and West Virginia advanced to the Final 4 yesterday, Tennessee vs. Michigan St. & Duke vs. Baylor will determine the other 2 teams
5. Gun-slinging Gilbert Arenas will be back with the Washington Wizards next season
6. Miami Heat want to resign Dwayne Wade and then sign Amare Stoudemire - Amare said "I'm not a big fan of Tracy McGrady -- as a person or as a player" so that may be reason for him not to go to the Knicks
7. University of Michigan landed a top recruit in Jon Horford, Al Horford's brother
8. New York Jets will be on HBO's "Hard Knocks" - even though I hate the Jets, fat boy Rex Ryan is perfect for the show since the man can't shut up
9. Joey Porter was drinking and driving
10. Tiger Woods will hold press conference at the Masters on April 5 - the same day as Opening Day of baseball and the NCAA National Championship game - the man is sneaky
11. MLB Opening Night Countdown (Yankees at Red Sox) -

Tiger Kept Porn on His iPhone. Oh, He Also Cheated On His Wife. A Lot.

March 28, 2010, (Sawf News) - Tiger Woods may have drawn inspiration for the lewd texts he sent to his mistresses from the content that he carried around on his iPhone - porn! A source tells TMZ, that Tiger kept his iPhone storage brimming with stimulating content, which in his case was porn and cartoons! Here is another way of looking at it, Tiger not only carried contact numbers of women of his taste, but also a ready reckoner of what he liked to do with them.

Yikes. That's really the only thing that came to mind after reading that. Yikes. Maybe sex addiction is real? I don't know. What I do know is this makes Tiger human. MJ has a gambling issue, A-rod used steroids and Tiger is addicted to vagina. Tom Terrific is still untouchable. But this really creeps me out. Like a week ago Tiger was straddling the fence of scum bag and wingman of the year but this puts him into the total slime ball category. You can't carry porn around like that. I knew a kid in high school who put that shit on his iPod and he thought he was the bees knees. The total cats pajamas. He'd come up to me during study hall and say, "yo rza, you wanna see some titties?" and I'd be like "Nah bro. I saw a pair of real ones this weekend. Tell your mother I got home safe." You know where he is now? Nobody knows. Probably out sniffing some 13 year old, trying to get his pitch back. That's what happens to those guys. Having said that, I don't think I've ever been as excited as I am for the Masters.

Last Night Was Not Good For People Named Sean Avery

They will take the point they got but did not earn here in last night's 3-2 overtime defeat to the 29th-overall Maple Leafs and pretend that it was a step in the right direction, even if they lost ground in the playoff hunt to two of the three teams directly in front of them. What's more, even as Boston and Atlanta won while Philadelphia lost, the Blueshirts saw Sean Avery go down to a left knee injury with 7:15 remaining in the second period. Avery hobbled out of the rink with a pronounced limp just minutes after Ryan Callahan, who could not play last night because of a right knee, did the same.

Not only just the knee injury but he also got the business delivered to him from Dion Phanuef. The guy who was stirring it up with Avery's sloppy seconds last year when the comment was made. Can't really defend him on that one. He deserved a bit of a cheap shot to the dome.

West Virginia Is Going To The Final Four. Huh?

Country roads takes me home to the place that I belong, West Virginiaaaaaaaaa, mountain momma, take me home, country roaaddssssss

Drunk Dude Tries To Resuscitate Dead Possum.

PUNXSUTAWNEY, Pa. -- Police say they charged a Pennsylvania man with public drunkenness after he was seen trying to resuscitate a long-dead opossum along a highway. State police Trooper Jamie Levier says several witnesses saw 55-year-old Donald Wolfe, of Brookville, near the animal Thursday along Route 36 in Oliver Township, about 65 miles northeast of Pittsburgh. The trooper says one person saw Wolfe kneeling before the animal and gesturing as though he were conducting a seance. He says another saw Wolfe attempting to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Only in Punxsutawney! Honestly the type of shit that goes down there on a Tuesday will blow your mind. It makes St. Patty's Day at the Braults look like child's play. Is it just me or is Pennsylvania one of those states that is kind of a mystery? Yeah, they got Philly, Scranton and Shittsburgh but what else is there? Probably a lot of towns that look like the one in House of Wax. It's just a big fucking state with not a lot to do except get drunk and make out with dead possum's. Or as Donahue calls it, his prom date. Eassyyyyyyyy now.

Yo. Diggy Simmons Can Spit!

No jokes. He's nice.

Song of the Weekend

Look at their faces. Classic. Its been a slow day.

It's Friday. Time To Get Filthy, Creepy and Weird

Last Night Was an Epic Failure. EPIC. FAILURE.

I wish I could say these guys played hard and gave it their all but they didn't. I don't know if was the coaching or the players but it was sloppy. Absolutely filthy. I needed a shower after watching it. You're not gonna beat anybody with 12 turnovers in the first half. That was the first problem. But the part that I still can't get over is that collapse with 5 minutes left to go. And this is the part that I question the coaching. 4 point lead and you're fucking lucky to have that 4 point lead, you don't rush the offense and try to slam it down Butler's throat. You milk that clock and give it to your guy, Wes Johnson. Scoop and Rautins attributed for 8 shots and 3 turnovers in the last 6 minutes. That's where it all went wrong. Instead of nursing the lead, Scoop and Rautins were throwing up shots to send that dagger through the hearts of Butler. If it goes in, you're money but if it doesn't, you die.

Cristiano Ronaldo Is Decent

Nice free kick but go to the :40 second mark to see the real goal. Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, good.

Devils Say Sean Avery Is Not a Factor. That's Why They Blew It Last Night

Sean Avery spent much of Thursday night in the face of Devils goalie Martin Brodeur and in the mind of right winger David Clarkson. Clarkson and Avery conducted an ongoing dialogue throughtout the Rangers' 4-3 shootout victory at the Prudential Center. However, Clarkson was unwilling to talk about it after the game. "If it's something to do with Avery, I don't have anything to say," Clarkson told reporters. "Sorry." Ilya Kovalchuk exchanged a big hit with Avery and had to endure hooks and pokes all night, but he laughed it all off. "I think we send too much time talking to him," Kovalchuk said. "He's that type of player you have to leave alone. He's not a factor in the game. He just walks around and talks."

He's not a factor in the game? Huh? Is that why you spend your postgame interview talking about how much of a non factor he is? Makes sense. This is Sean Avery we're still talking about right? The guy who had an assist last night and got in Brodeur's face all game which ended with him giving up the game tying goal with 15 seconds left. That Sean Avery? He's been the most important guy on the Rangers since the final stretch run to the playoffs started. And it's not even just his talking that is impacting games, instead his game is going the talking for him. He's had a point in last 5 games. That's what we in the biz, call production.

Welp. See Ya Next Year, College Basketball

You're dead fucking wrong if you think I'm gonna watch another college basketball game this year. Celtics are coming into playoff form and opening day is April 5th. Whatever.