YAHTZEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The numbers had been crunched and all the scenarios exhausted Monday night when Cliff Lee finally made his decision. He picked up the phone, thanked Rangers general manager Jon Daniels for his time in Texas and revealed he was signing with the Philadelphia Phillies. Agent Darek Braunecker simultaneously delivered the news to New York Yankees GM Brian Cashman. And just like that, Lee was back where he felt he belonged. The most intriguing negotiation of the hot stove season came to a stunning conclusion late Monday when Lee, 32, spurned bigger offers from the Yankees and Rangers and agreed to a five-year, guaranteed $120 million contract with the Phillies, sources said. The deal includes an "easily reachable" vesting option for a sixth year, a source said, and most likely will ensure that Lee finishes his career in a Philadelphia uniform.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Wow. That's all I can think of right now. Wow. It's like all those years of the Yankees being complete fuck sticks has finally come back to bite them in the ass. How else can you explain a guy telling New York to take that extra $50 million and shove it up their ass?  I bet if Cliff Lee knew Boston wasn't just offering him a contract to piss off New York, he probably would have accepted it in a heartbeat. He knows we're gonna be facing off against Philly in the fall classic for the next 10 years. There isn't team out there that can match our offensive fire power and I thought maybe, just maybe if Cliff Lee signed with New York we might be in trouble because of all our left handed bats. Well worry no more. Crawford and Jacoby are gonna be running all over your ass. Pedroia will be peforming laser shows. Youk and Gonzo just knocking the shit out of the ball. Papi swinging the shit out of the bat because he's once again in a contract and the same for JD Drew. In other words, you're so fucking fucked it's not even fucking funny. I need this season so start now.


P.S. Might be a good idea to not throw beer on the wife of the pitcher you're trying to sign.