Santa Robs a Bar

EAST PROVIDENCE, R.I. -- Call it a ho-ho-holdup. Police say a man dressed as Santa Claus has robbed a Rhode Island yacht club. Authorities say a bartender was alone in the East Providence Yacht Club Sunday night when a large man wearing a red suit, red hat, white beard and carrying a sack walked into the bar and brandished a gun. The bartender fled and ran to a nearby business where she called 911. By the time police arrived, the Santa bandit - as well as an undetermined amount of cash from the register - was missing.

And this is why women should not be bartenders. Yeah, they're nice to look at but your pathetic flirting isn't gonna get you anywhere except empty in the pockets because you'll be tipping her all night. Whatever. I think being robbed by a Santa Claus is the only way to go. Like how badass of a guy can he be to dress up as Santa? You know must have some sort of sense of humor. I've never heard of a murderer who dressed up as Claus. Now if he walked in there with a gun and in street clothes then you have a problem on your hands. That's the defintion of an "oh fuck" moment. Those types simply don't give a fuck. They don't care if you see their face because you're gonna be a dead man in 2 minutes. Ya, I watch Criminal Minds at 10 on Ion Television. So remember this. Thief breaks into your house in a costume, you're good to go. Dan Donahue comes through your door in a t-shirt and jeans, I'd start taping your asshole shut because it's gonna be a long night in pound town.