Two game sevens in one day? You bet your ass there are

Wow, two game sevens on the same day in the NBA playoffs. What could be better? Since I consider myself to be the greatest sports predictorizer of all time, let me share with you my words of wisdom.We'll start with the Lakers and the Rockets: Ron-Ron comes out on a mission....a mission to absolutely abuse Pau Gasol. Artest goes hard to the bucket on every play until the skinny European cries uncle, or "tio" if you think he screams in Spanish. The Lakers have no answer for the incredibly talented Aaron Brooks (I can't believe I just said that), and the Rockets lead at the half. Kobe tears Derek Fisher a new asshole in the locker room, and the Fish plays a brilliant second half. Four three point baskets bring the Lakers within one, but Kobe misses a fade away that would have won the game. The Rockets pull off one of the biggest upsets in NBA history, simply because they want it more.

Celtics vs. Magic: Do you believe in Magic? Kind-of. I believe in Dwight Howard going for 25 and 25 tonight, but no one else can score it seems. Hedo Turkoglu is inconsistent at best, and I read somewhere that Rashard Lewis used to eat Ray Allen's asshole in Seattle. Rafer Alston can't kiss enough officials to win this one, and the Celtics move on. The big play tonight comes from Ray Allen. Having a horrible series, Ray-Ray goes off for 30+ tonight, and KG rapes some chick in the first row. Celtics can win big games, Lakers can't. It hurts me to say it, but it's the god honest Paul Pierce. And if you don't understand that last sentence, you aren't a basketball fan.