Maybe You Should Have Just Let Him Marry His Lower Class Broad

CAIRO -- A 25-year-old Egyptian man cut off his own penis to spite his family after he was refused permission to marry a girl from a lower class family, police reported Sunday. After unsuccessfully petitioning his father for two years to marry the girl, the man heated up a knife and sliced off his reproductive organ, said a police official. The young man came from a prominent family in the southern Egyptian province of Qena, one of Egypt's poorest and most conservative areas that is also home to the famed ancient Egyptian ruins of Luxor. The man was rushed to the hospital but doctors were unable to reattach the severed member, the official added citing the police report filed after the incident.

Oh you Romeo, you. Is this not the greatest love story to come to fame like ever? Classic tale of beauty and the tramp some would say. I mean I think this is someone that all men should look up to. You wanna stand in the way of love? Fine. I'll just chop my nuts off. There goes your grand kids mom. Say bye to long walks in the park and wiffleball games in the backyard. Seriously. It's like he just sent the greatest message to his family. "Oh OK, I'll just go fuck myself." But now no one is getting fucked. I can't even begin to tell you how much this story warms my heart. I just wanna know what the next move is going to be from his piss poor girlfriend. It's time for our friend to invest in a whizzinator I'd say. And what about the family? Imagine that period of reflection they're all gonna hold. Just one of those situations in life when you ask yourself if the juice was worth the squeeze.

This Is Why Charles Barkley Is The Best In The Biz.

Lebron James Is A Pussy.

ORLANDO, Fla. -- LeBron James walked off the court, head down, brushing off a few pieces of confetti. He ignored the few taunts by Magic fans and took one last look at the crowd without muttering a word. Not to anyone. A scintillating series by the NBA's MVP was washed away by his not-so-supporting cast, as the Cleveland Cavaliers were eliminated Saturday night with a 103-90 loss to the Orlando Magic in Game 6 of the Eastern Conference finals. James dressed quickly in the locker room, put on headphones and went to the team bus without talking to reporters. In obvious frustration, he let his play do all the talking. James had 25 points, seven rebounds and seven assists in his least spectacular game of the series. He went scoreless in the second quarter, allowing the Magic to go ahead by 18 points at the half with little help from teammates.

Bahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. I've been saying it for years. Lebron is too fucking immature. Go pout and sulk in the corner, you vagina. You'd think by being the self proclaimed leader of a franchise, he could put on his big boy pants and maybe muster up a few words of encouragement. That's the difference between him and Tom Brady. One is perfect, the other still acts like a 15 year old girl. And someone else likes 15 year old girls. Wait. I mean you can talk about how unclassy guys like me and Sean Avery are but regardless of the outcome of a game, you always go to shake the hand of your opponent. Lebron probably never picked that up because he cheated all the way through high school.

My Mom Asked Me What I Did Last Night. This Was My Response.

Any questions. Oh, also went 4-4 in dizzy bat. They say I have the purest swing in the game since Roy Hobbs. Later bitches.

Nice bod

For those of you who don't recognize this guy, his name is Jeff Reed. Jeff Reed is the kicker for the Pittsburgh Steelers. He knows how to party. Do you? Why is this guy so built if he just kicks a ball with one leg? I don't get it. Lovin' that hair though. Is that Mike Garrow in the background?

In response to the last post...

Before Jeffrey Brisson, 30, was sentenced to 45 years in prison and 25 years of special parole for the sexual assault of children who had been placed in his care, he defended pedophilia as “human nature” and railed against a society he said just does not understand. Before Jeffrey Brisson, 30, was sentenced Friday to 45 years in prison and 25 years of special parole for the sexual assault of children who had been placed in his care, he defended pedophilia as “human nature” and railed against a society he said just does not understand.During sentencing, the New Britain man who had sex with almost a dozen children stunned the courtroom by insisting that 'most people fantasize about having sex with children'. He read calmly from what appeared to be a prepared statement and said our culture refuses to acknowledge that everyone has deep-seeded feelings of pedophilia and lust for children. Most people fantasize about having sex with children, he said, further defending his actions by mentioning child beauty pageants.

Uhh, what the fuck? Is this guy serious? I must not be part of this strange majority then, because I have never looked at a three year old and thought "Daaaaaaaammmnnnnnnn." The bastard even taped his sex with children. This might be the most disgusting thing I've heard all week. I don't even have anything else to say. Kobe, black mamba, you better score 60 points tonight to take my mind of this sick fuck.

Hi, My Name Is Chris Powers And I Would Love To Take Your 7 Year Old Brother To Dinner

Maybe play just the tip. Just for a second, just to see how it feels.

Woman Says Bite Me. Cop Bites Her.

MERIDEN, Conn. -- An analyst at the Connecticut Police Academy says a co-worker responded literally to her "bite me" remark and chomped on her. Former Waterbury police Capt. Francis Woodruff was charged Tuesday with disorderly conduct and released on a promise to appear in court. He's accused of biting academy license and applications analyst Rochelle Wyler on April 24. A police arrest report says Wyler had teeth marks and bruising on the back of her left arm. Wyler's complaint alleges Woodruff was annoying her by calling her a clerk. She says she responded with "bite me" -- and he did.

What did this female officer was going to happen? Let's be honest for a second. I think it's safe to say that most cops weren't in the top 30 of their graduating class. With that being said, you tell a pig to bite ya, that motherfucker is gonna chomp on you like white on rice. Piggy smells bacon baby. Baha. I got nothing else. I think this story speaks for itself. All she wants to do is dance.

Why do the Sox win? Efficiency.

MINNEAPOLIS -- Jason Varitek hit two home runs, then was one of four people ejected by young umpire Todd Tichenor during separate arguments in the seventh inning of Boston's 3-1 victory over the Minnesota Twins on Thursday. Things escalated in the bottom of the inning when Beckett threw a pitch that Varitek tried to frame for strike three on Brendan Harris. When he didn't get the call -- replays showed that it appeared to be outside -- Beckett seethed. Varitek stood up to intervene, turned around and got in Tichenor's face. Ejection No. 3.

I hate the sox, I hate baseball, but I couldn't not post about this one. You may see a crazy game of throwing at opponents, I see smart coaching moves. Varitek is no spring chicken, he needs his day off every once in a while. So he goes out and belts two dingers. Clearly, he's done his share of the run production, so he gets himself ejected. Its the 7th inning, now Jason gets an extra hour of rest. Smart Fucking Move. He won't need to sit out this weekend, and the Red Sox can extend their lead in the AL East. Terry Francona, I applaud you for calling that inside pitch.

I still love you, Cristiano

Let me get this straight. Manchester United has the best player in the world, Cristiano Ronaldo, and they just stop getting him the ball down a goal in the second half of Europe's most important tournament. Manchester United has a world famous coach, who has also been knighted. Sigh...I don't get it. In the first half, my boy was getting his shot off like a porn star. The Barcelona defense looked old and tired. I was excited, I ate chocolate chip cookies. Then the heartbreak set in. I've never felt more used and abused. Man U gave me ten good minutes. That's just cold. Even an awful girlfriend can spare fifteen minutes. I guess I will have to watch Lebron tonight and hope that the Magic make me happy. I love to hate you Lebron, so the better you are, the more I despise. Keep getting better and I might kill myself. It's all up to you....

Man Calls 911. Dude Just Wanted His Kid Bro's Juice Box!

HILLSBORO, Ore. -- A man who called 911 to complain that McDonald's left a juice box out of his drive-through order was arrested on Monday, Portland television station KPTV reported.Raibin Osman appeared before a Washington County judge Tuesday on a charge of misusing emergency services. He said he called emergency dispatchers after the drive-through employee wouldn't come back to the window to give him a juice box."We ordered some food and we went home and our order wasn't in there," Osman said in the 911 call. "And my little brother is crying for his orange juice."Osman's father, Raof, said the emergency call was an innocent mistake and that it escalated when the McDonald's employee laughed at the poor English of his son-in-law."We came back with our receipt and said, 'Hey, can we have our order? We paid for it,'" Osman told the emergency dispatcher. "And she was like, 'Oh, no, I can't do anything about it.' And she was laughing at my brother-in-law because he ordered the food and couldn't speak English right."

Am I shocked? Kind of. When the fuck did Mcdonalds start selling juice boxes? I mean I think that's enough to call 911 right there. And if there is one thing people know about me, it's my weakness for a crying child. And if there is another fun fact that is commonly known about me, it's that I don't tolerate rude bitches who work at fast food joints and yes, I have had many altercations with them . Honestly. You're gonna laugh at the guy because he can't speak english and all he wants is his fucking juice box? That's just mean. And if I say it's mean then trust me it's gotta be awfully dick twisting cruel. I just wanna know where this bitch gets off. Not like that. Who does she think she is? You work at McDonalds. Have you seen the other people who work at Mcdonalds? They're slightly worse than the people who work at Dunkin' Donuts. I guarantee half the people behind her don't even speak english. I bet Ronald wouldn't chuckle in this man's face. No way. That's once accepting motherfucker right there. You gotta hand it to him. The clown greets every person with a smile and is willing to let any person sit on his lap. That's someone I hope to be some day. What. That's gay?

I Can't Think Of A Crafty Title For This One So I'll Just Yell Ballsack As Loud as Possible.

NEW YORK -- Jason Rosenberg was heading home and listening to satellite radio when he heard that Manny Ramirez was fourth among National League outfielders in initial All-Star voting. By the end of the night, a new Web site was born: Vote for Manny. "I said it would be funny if Manny got elected, because he's coming off a suspension on July 3 and the All-Star Game is a week later, so they don't even have that sort of built-in protection," the 39-year-old from suburban Ardsley said Wednesday. "So I got home, and just quickly threw a Web site together." Rosenberg got voteformanny.blogspot.com up and running Tuesday night, designed to point out that MLB has no rule preventing players coming off drug suspensions from becoming All-Stars. It links to an online All-Star ballot and implores fans: "Remember, vote early and often!"

This motherfucker puts togethert a blog about voting for some piece of shit baseball player and he gets a mention on ESPN? Are you fucking kidding me? You're telling me that 4 months ago when I wanted Stephon Marbury in the All Star game that all I had to do was mention it on this blog and I would be on ESPN, thus making girls twice as likely to felace me? I don't know what to think anymore. I guess next you're gonna tell me that that weather isn't perfect the day that you die. I mean I think there is a time in every mans life where they can look at and call it a turning point. A point of no return. Ask for a mulligan perhaps. And today is certainly that day for me. Excuse me, I'll just go fuck myself.

You Hit My Cat, I'll Hit Your Kid.

LODI, Calif. -- A Lodi woman posted a sign with the words, "Hit a cat, I'll hit your kid." Some neighbors said they are concerned their children's lives are being threatened."Basically what this is saying is: Hit a cat and I'll hit your kid," said Tina Teixeira.Teixeira got a lot of attention after she put the sign up in front of her West Elm Street home in Lodi, reported KCRA-TV in Sacramento, Calif."You don't want me to hit your kid, so don't hit mine. You hurt mine, that is just like if I went over and ran over your kid. Basically, that is what I was intending," said Teixeira.Teixeira said she decided to take action after a driver ran over and killed her cat on the bike lane on Friday.Some parents were outraged over her cardboard note."Basically she is threatening to hit people's kids," said neighbor Joann Larsen.

I don't see the issue here. You hit the cat and Tina is gonna lay the smack down on your toddler. I just didn't know that putting a sign out in your yard was the correct protocol for this sort of operation. Because where I come from, yeah on carriage drive, if any motherfucker wants to come into my yard, they know they're gonna get the horns. It's like in baseball when a pitcher throws at a guy to protect his players. Yeah, hey, you wanna throw your tennis balls at little Brady and pretend he's a dog? Maybe poke at him and chase him around like a fucking circus freak? Make fun of his extra long fur coat? Well I'm gonna come over into your family room and start smacking your 3 year old baby brother in the face with a baseball bat. Maybe even poke your mother in the ass with my own stick. Yeah, it's gonna get that serious bitches. I took that too far? No I don't think so. You should get inside my head right now and see what I really wanted to to write. Google felching(don't). Do it(no). I'll wait(I wont). That's just a little sneak peak into how this mind works. It's OK. The people that needed to hear this did and that's the end of it. Now you know to not fuck with us.

Hey NFL, You're All Fucked.

This week, when New England starts full-roster organized training activities (OTAs), Brady will step into the huddle with the entire offense for the first time since he tore his left anterior cruciate ligament and medial collateral ligament in the 2008 season opener. (Last week's sessions were for rookies, free agents and select veterans returning from injury, with Brady and his top receivers working in seclusion.) The quarterback acts and sounds as if he wished the Buffalo game were tomorrow. In his first extended interview since he got hurt, Brady told SI that his recovery is on schedule, he's running and cutting without pain or restricted movement, and he has no ill effects from two follow-up procedures to flush out a postop staph infection in the knee. In fact, calling the last eight months "the halftime of my career," Brady said, "I want to play another 10 years." He was convincing when he said he was "as confident as anyone could be that I'll be ready to play, back to playing normally, when the seasons starts. I've done everything I could to push myself, sometimes too hard. Right now, I'm doing everything. Literally everything. There's nothing I can't do."

Is this the greatest news I have heard in the past 4 months? Yup. Before I read this I was about to murder a small family of 7. Yeah, the kind that plays with their children and dog, behind the white picket fence as the laughter of an innocent child echoes throughout the cool spring breeze. I was that kind of pissed. But it's a new day. I really don't see any other team even coming close to the level that the Pats are going to be playing next year. If Tom Brady says there is nothing he can't do then there is literally nothing he can't do. You name it and that motherfucker is going to get the job done quicker then you can say jumpin jack flash. This isn't some immature young QB coming off an ACL surgery. This is the 3 time super bowl champion, 2 time superbowl MVP, and 2007 league MVP. This is the greatest player to ever lace them up when it's all said and done. Fuck montana, fuck Favre, fuck Elway. What is there not to like about the guy? He's a fantastic father(I would imagine) and he's dating a super model who used to bone Leonardo Dicaprio. Yeah, he's tapping Leo's girl. And he's just so fucking cute. And he's just so fucking good. Gaahhhhhhh.

Are you sure he's the greatest?

Remember back when people were saying King James was the greatest? After that crazzzyyy three point shot to win game two, I almost said the same thing. Psyche. I have always said this guy can't make a jumpshot. And I was fucking right. 2/13 on jumpers outside the paint in game three. That's the kind of percentage I like. Just enough to make people say maybe he had an off night, and just enough for me to laugh at his 2008-2009 3pt percentage of just under 29 percent. Lebron, you are strong, fast, smart, and attractive. So stick to those things. Don't try to be like my man Black Mamba and throw up bombs from places only Reggie Miller can reach. It isn't your game. I feel bad for Cleveland. They're about to lose to a bunch of fucking Turk-o-glues.

Hi, My Name is Scott Boucher and I Owe Connor Rusinko 5 Dollars.

http://mutualuniversity.blogspot.com/2009/05/you-wanna-bet.html

Yup. Yes. Yessir. You betcha. Fuckin right bitches. I'm always so fucking right. The Syracuse lacrosse team did win their 11th national championship and second straight today. I don't know if Cornell is an ivy league school or whatever but you got some serious balls calling yourslf "the big red." I know another ivy l eague school that's red and its called Harvard. Maybe you heard of it. It's in Boston. Same city that is home to the Red Sox. Excuse me, the AL East first place Red Sox. Ehhhhh YUP! I got nothing else for ya today.

So I Was Drinking Beers, Watching The Kobe Bryant Shit Show and Then Stickney Elbowed Me In The Balls

Uuuhhhhhh. Kobe. 24 hours ago I could sit here and tell you I thought Lebron was the greatest freak on this planet and not think twice of it. 24 hours ago I was half the man I am today. The black motherfucking mamba bitch. I don't what else to say really. That rapist proved why he deserves to be the dominant male in the league. I'm just excited to see what Lebron will do tonight to try and top this. I really don't care actually. This blog is the biggest piece of shit on the face of the planet.

Live 4th Quarter Blog

12:00 to go - I hate J.R. Smith with a passion. I met George Karl at West Farms Mall, he's a cool guy

11:59 to go - Who calls a reach in foul one second into the fourth quarter? Are you serious?

10:12 to go - Come on Farmarrrrrr. No need for an up and down. Use your sonic ears to hear the defender coming. And you got a technial. Wonderful.

9:26 to go - Does anyone else think that Anthony Carter looks a lot like Kenny "The Jet" Smith?

8:50 to go - Mark Jackson just called Pau Gasol Black Eyed Pea because he did the Boom Boom Pow on a one-handed dunk. Sigh.

7:37 to go - Chris Andersen misses a dunk. Lay off the coke dumbass.

7:35 to go - Ariza nails a three, and the Lakers lead. Why did this kid suck in college?

5:43 to go - Chauncey gets swatted by Kenyon Martin is there to give the Nuggets the lead. I like his lipstick tattoo on his neck. I bet Mark Cuban gave it to him.

5:10 to go - ARIZZZAAAAA AGAIIIINNNNNN

4:51 to go - Billups with a four point play? You don't call that foul on Kobe Bryant. He rapes bitches

3:06 to go - Melo can't guard Kobe. Continuation rule baby

2:46 go to - Fisher falls down and Chauncey gropes him. Come on man, I know your teeth are messed up, but at least look for dates outside the Pepsi Center

Commercial -


1:09 to go - Kobe explodes all over J.R. Smith's face. He can hit threes from anywhere. Lakers by one

36.5 seconds to go - Awful inbound pass stolen by Ariza. Melo fouls out, good game Nuggets. Good night readers

Hey Scott Boucher, Guess Who's In The Finals.

Late “Na, na, na, na, hey hey hey goodbye” from the Cuse fans. We’re final in Game 1. 17-7 Cuse. Largest margin of victory in an NCAA Semifinal since Hopkins dusted Cuse in 2003. More after the press conferences.

Ba.Ha.

What had happened was...

See, here's the thing. Lebron making that shot made me hate him. I don't know why. I just went to sleep and woke up this morning thinking, fuck you Bron-Bron. Maybe I feel bad because Hedo Turkoglu's circus shot is all for nothing now. Maybe I feel bad because Delonte West's herpes were really bad last night. Maybe I feel bad because Stan Van Gundy is still a virgin. I don't know. I'm just upset.

I'm not going to deny that it was a good shot. I'm not going to deny that it was a great shot. It was amazing as Kanye would say. I just feel for the Cavs fans because his ass is gone in less than 12 months. Hello Brooklyn Nets and owner Jay-Z. As long as Kobe goes out and scores 81 tonight, I'll be okay. In the mean time and between time, my heart aches. On the plus side, I got my ass handed to me by two black kids from Bloomfield High School in 2 on 2 yesterday. Oh wait, that fucking sucked. Sigh, I'm about to go Jonas Brothers on this one and write a really lame love song to some pre-teen girl.

OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD!!!!!

The best ever period. Ever. He's unbelievable. I'm still shocked.

Happy Weekend Fuckers

Well said Connor. Well said.

Ricky Rubio. Who?

While Oklahoma City would obviously be extremely interested in the prospect of acquiring the top pick and drafting local product Blake Griffin, there is one team standing in their way – the Memphis Grizzlies, who own the #2 pick. From what people around the league are saying, Rubio’s camp may already be sending out feelers indicating that he’s not interested in the least bit in playing in Memphis. “Rubio doesn’t want to go to Memphis, and he especially does not want to pay money out of his own pocket with that huge buyout for the honor of doing so. Fegan [Rubio’s agent] wants him in L.A., and if he can’t have him there, he wants him in Sacramento. Definitely not Oklahoma City. “ Unlike Griffin or Hasheem Thabeet, who don’t really have any choice where they will play next season if a team decides to play hardball, Rubio has a reasonably attractive alternative option at his disposal—returning to Spain. “He’ll pull out if he doesn’t like what he’s hearing,” the NBA source tells us. “Or he can stay in and force the Grizzlies to call his bluff—would they really take him knowing that he may never come over? That’s one way to get him to fall to three.”

Hold up. Who the fuck is Ricky Rubio? And who the fuck does he think he is? You can't just come into our country and try to play hardball with the best of us. I honestly don't understand why the NBA even wastes their time with players from overseas. How many of them even pan out to be worth something? I'll say it right now. Europeans are weak. Always have been and always will be. They're bitches. All of them. Sure they can talk like their shit don't stink but it doesn't take long to uncover their true character in the heat of battle. Tell me one athlete who can go toe to toe with anyone from America. Pau Gasol isn't knocking down Dwight Howard. Sasha Vujacic isn't going to beat Rajon Rondo andVladimir Putin shouldn't even be spoken in the same breath as Jack Bauer even if he's in a coma. I'm starting a movement right now to remove all european players from the NBA. All they do is make their teammates look weak, thus making our country appear less likely to stick a missle up any camel's ass who looks at us wrong. U.S.A! U.S.A!

The Big Aristotle

Ding ding ding

It looks like HBO's "Hard Knocks" might have a ready-made story angle awaiting its first visit to Cincinnati Bengals training camp this summer. Yes, it involves Chad Ochocinco. Bengals quarterback Carson Palmer took a swipe at Ochocinco's absence from the team's voluntary offseason workouts on Tuesday in an interview on Sirius NFL Radio. He referred to the enigmatic wide receiver in the past tense and heaped praise on other wideouts who have been in camp -- and could take Ochocinco's place in the lineup.

I would LOVE to see this. Everyone knows I hate USC football, mainly since I hate Pete Carroll, but also because they are just like an NFL team. The possibility of Chad Ocho taking out his frustration on Carson Palmer excites me. I would pay to see the two of them throwdown. Current odds have Palmer a 1:10 underdog to last even 10 minutes in the ring. Growing up in Miami, I know he's tough. Anyone who makes a list of "who covered 85 in '05" is real nigga. Without TJ, Carson better be nice because he has no one to throw the ball to other than Mr. Riverdance.

Hell no

The old Yankee Stadium hosted some of college football's greatest moments. The new Yankee Stadium might also host college football -- and the Fighting Irish are interested in writing the first chapter in its gridiron history, the school's athletic director said, according to The New York Times.

While stressing that no dates have been discussed, Notre Dame AD Jack Swarbrick said the Yankees are open to college football at the new stadium. The school has been in touch with the Yankees to express its interest in being one of the first two teams to play there, according to the report.

Look, I used to be a baseball fan. I used to be a Yankee fan. I was never a Notre Dame drunken Irish fan. No way in hell would I want those bunch of scrubs playing in the House that Ruth Built. Are you kidding me? I've never heard anything more ludicrous except Ludacris. Maybe a good football team like those boys from Florida should play up there, I might be okay with that. But Charlie will not be tearing any ACLs in the Bronx. This pisses me right off. Two Notre Dame posts in one week! That's how much I despise them. I hope Kyle McAlarney and his lover Luke Harangody read this. I know your mothers can go seven deep, but where did that get you in this year's NCAA tournament? Oh wait, you made the NIT, SCORE! I would put each one of you into the wall. I'm pissed.

The Biggest Upset Ever?

Big Papi hit his first dinger last night. You smell that? Yeah, that's the big fella's bat catching fire.And that guy won some fruity tooty singing contest? Or something like that. Looks like he would sound similar to Jason Mraz.

Aint No Party Like a Sean Avery/Rza Party Because a Sean Avery Party Don't Stop

The enigmatic left winger recently celebrated the opening of Warren 77 in New York's TriBeCa neighborhood, and the New York Observer was there to observe it all. For those wondering, here's how you greet your guests at your bar opening if you're Sean Avery ... From Observer.com: "'How do you say 'cheers' in the Jewish language?' the flashy forward asked guests at the opening of his new Tribeca bar and restaurant Warren 77 on Friday, May 15. L'chaim!' the crowd replied. 'There ya go,' said Mr. Avery, who further encouraged attendees to "just keep buying drinks because I didn't open a f***ing bar for nothing."

Enough said. I'm done for the day.

Dear Hayden, You Can Still Call Me.

Hayden Panettiere's rumored boyfriend, British TV personality Steve Jones, kindly helped her use some protection from the sun yesterday while she flaunted her bikini body again in Cannes yesterday.

I can't compete with a british accent. That's just a fact of life. I hope you're happy knowing that I can't sleep at night.

More Like Dirk Diggler, Eh?

The woman arrested at Dirk Nowitzki's house on May 6 says she is pregnant with the child of the Dallas Mavericks' star and that they had been engaged. Cristal Taylor spoke to the Dallas Morning News from jail in Beaumont, Texas. "I've known Dirk for seven years -- and, no, I didn't tell him everything about my past because I was afraid," Taylor said, according to the newspaper. "But I mean, now I'm pregnant and alone and broke because he is my only source of income."Taylor said that Nowitzki has not contacted her and likely does not know that she is pregnant. She said that she didn't know before she was arrested. "I didn't even know," she said, according to the newspaper. "Nobody knew until they tested me in Dallas."

I'm gonna call this bitches bluff right now and you heard it here first. I'll believe her when she pops that deformed piece of shit out of her yahoo. No way shes preggers. Dirk is too fucking ugly. Too fucking slow. Too fucking soft. He doesn't have the balls to knock a bitch up then send her packing. That's a gene that I think is only implanted in some by the grace of god. And are we supposed to feel bad for her? She's all alone, broke, pregnant and without a home. Oh boo-fucking-hoo. Maybe don't be such a fucking whore and youre family wouldn't have disowned you in the first place. There are a lot of ways to earn a living and I don't think sucking dick is a part of any of the job descriptions.

Do Me On It.

LYKENS, Pa. -- Pennsylvania State Police are looking for a man they say sweet-talked a shop owner into accepting a fake $20 coin as payment for ice cream.Police said the man told the proprietor of Willow Tree Ice Cream on Friday evening that the coin was something the government has just begun issuing. The shop is located about 25 miles northeast of Harrisburg in Dauphin County. The suspect drove away in a teal-colored Dodge Caravan with Pennsylvania tags. He's described as short and stocky with curly black hair.

I'm disgusted. Just when I thought the justice system in America had a chance, they go and pull some of this tomfoolery. You're going to charge the guy for being a slick rick? Excuse the poor guy for being a master of negotiations. I know who I'm gonna look up to be my agent in my next arbitration hearing. How fucking stupid do you have to be to believe that the government has just issued a new $20 coin? Yeah that sounds about right. The US dollar has lost its net worth around the globe but were still gonna create brand new coins worth $20 bucks. I fear for people like you and me if they're just gonna up and arrest guys for being fucking awesome. Let me put it this way. Should I be in jail because a couple of years ago I handed over a bag of quarters to the pizza delivery guy knowing he wouldn't count them all in front of me and me knowing it was about 6 dollars short? I would argue I was playing chess while the choice of people were playing checkers.

Ronaldinho Wants You All To Fuck Off

Ronaldinho’s signing was greeted with much fanfare by Milan fans last summer, however, the 29-year-old has endured a difficult season at the San Siro, despite a bright start to life in the peninsula. It has been suggested that Manchester City could revive their interest in the former Barcelona ace as he went so close to a move to Eastlands last year, but ‘Dinho’ insists he is settled in Milan. “I get along well with my team-mates, with the directors and the fans,” he is quoted as saying in La Gazzetta dello Sport. “I don’t plan to leave this shirt. It’s true that I hoped to become champion of Italy with Milan and I am disappointed we didn’t meet our targets. I promise we will win the Scudetto and the Champions League next season.”

As much as I love soccer there is no loyalty in the sport and it just breaks you down inside. No loyalty between the front office and the players, between the fans and the players and whatever else you can think of. It's just not fucking there. You got great players like Ronaldinho falling out of fitness not because they're hurt but because they're already paid and are too fucking lazy. Then we have our friend Beckham who goes from claiming he's coming to America to globalize the sport only to jump ship once he gets the chance for the big stage again over in Milan. Let us look at Cristiano Ronaldo entertaining the idea of moving to Real Madrid even though the club he's with is the most successful in the world and the fans are completely in love with him. Yeah, I just called out my 3 favorite players so fuck off all you motherfuckers who claim I'm just a homer. You're all faggots. That includes Cristiano Ronaldo.

I Love To Hate Lebron.

WASHINGTON -- LeBron James is the best player in the NBA, surpassing veteran Los Angeles Lakers guard Kobe Bryant, 14-time All-Star guard Jerry West said Monday. West, a shrewd judge of talent who brought Bryant to the Lakers when he was their general manager, said the Cleveland Cavaliers forward could become the league's next Michael Jordan. "I look at Cleveland [and] say to myself, 'How many games could they win without LeBron James?'" West told Reuters in an interview. "That's how great he is. "He has a chance to be arguably the greatest player ever to play the game.

Amen. Listen, I'm not a fan of Lebron as a person and I'm not a fan of Kobe either but the bottom line is they are the 2 best players of this generation. I'm not afraid to admit that but it seems like every person in the media is. I can sit here and tell you that Lebron is the greatest player to ever play the game and will continue to improve. Yeah, his defense isn't on the same level as MJ yet but you gotta remember the kid is 24. Hes already too big, too fast, too quick, too athletic and just too fucking good for anyone in the league to catch up to him. I'm just stumped on why people are so slow to crown the dude. It just sucks that both of these guys play on teams that are populated by the biggest deusch-bags in the league.

You know how I know Sellberg is gay? His itunes is dominated by Adam Lambert songs.

One Tree Hill Post A.K.A. I'm Still Crying.

Spoiler alert. Jack Bauer ends the season in a coma. Oh, that's a wee bit anti-climatic. But let us get down to the real thing. You'll have to excuse me, I'm trying to dab the tears from my eyes after that ending. Not. You're telling me that Nathan Scott goes from the D-league all the way to the starting PG spot for the Charlotte Bobcats? Ummmmm, helloooo Raymond Felton? What does DJ Augustine have to say about this? Blasphemy!(is what he would say if he was in 16th century england). And Lucas and Peytons baby girl is named Sawyer. That's clever. Use the wife's maiden name. Little secret. My mother's name was o'connor. Heyoooo. Anyway. What else happened? Brooke and Julian got it on again. He told her he loved her. She said shut up and kiss me. He left in the morning. She went after him. They kissed on a movie set to make the story book ending come full circle. Almost as good as doing it in the rain. Wait what? Look for him to take the lead spot next season because no one wants to pay my boy L-Scott. I Can't remember what else happened. I had visions of Socrates and Nietszche in my head all night. Heres a good ice breaker. Walk up to an old guy and say that descartes motherfucker was one son of a bitch, eh? Helllooooo A+.

American Idol tonight. My money is on Kris Allen. Heard it through the grapevine he's similar to Jason Mraz. Very cool.

I love you, Mr. President

INDIANAPOLIS -- Having put up with hecklers at Notre Dame, President Barack Obama got in a shot of his own at the school whose renowned football team has gone its longest stretch without a national championship. After giving the commencement speech at Notre Dame, Obama spoke at an Indianapolis fundraiser Sunday night for the Democratic National Committee. He began his remarks by joking that he told The Rev. John Jenkins, the university president, that the controversy surrounding his campus appearance "paled in comparison to what to do about the football team." The Fighting Irish "That's an issue we may not resolve within my four years," Obama said. had records of 3-9 and 7-6 the past two seasons -- the most losses at the school in a two-year period -- and haven't won a national championship since 1988. "Eight," shouted someone from the audience. "All right, well, maybe in eight we might get it done," Obama said.

Hahaha, that's what I'm talking about. You know your team sucks when President Obama is ragging on you. Just throwing this out there, you guys lost to Syracuse last season...at home. If I were Jimmy Clausen I would quit football. You even had a chance at a last second field goal. Couldn't make it. We haven't had a decent player in about a decade. I'll be there in the fall as Greg Paulus wins the Heisman, and Cuse brings home a share of the National Title. Charlie Weis who?

Let me repeat that: The Syracuse Orange. Won. At Notre Dame. And if that's not bad enough, the Irish's own fans turned on them, pelting the bench with snowballs.

At first people started by throwing the snow in the air, but then began quickly tossing snowballs toward the Notre Dame sideline. Defensive lineman Ian Williams got hit in the helmet, defensive end Ethan Johnson was struck on the left cheek and a St. Joseph County police officer on the sideline looking into the crowd got hit in the chest.

Side Boob Of The Day

I call this the Kendra theory. A normally hot chick turned so ugly you can't even bare to stay in the same room with because of her laugh and overall dumb personality.

This just in, Calipari signs another prospect who can't even read

Top point guard recruit John Wall has told Kentucky coach John Calipari that he will sign with the Wildcats over Miami and Duke, according to multiple sources, ending a highly publicized courtship with the game-changing point guard.

Wall informed Miami coach Frank Haith Tuesday morning that he committed to Kentucky because he just wanted to play for Calipari.

Wohooooo! Derrick Rose version 2.0 if you ask me. I'm sick and tired of Johnny getting all these top recruits and doing nothing with them. Let's recall a Mr. DeJuan Wagner. Supposedly better than MJ, this guy went to Memphis on a full ride. His father was given a job as an assistant coach, his best friend who didn't even play basketball was given a scholarship, and now he doesn't even play in the NBA. Niceeeee. And if we want to look at intelligence levels, don't get me started. If anyone out there honestly believes that Joey Dorsey can recogninze his own name on a piece of paper, you're fucking wrong. Chris Douglas Roberts maybe, Derrick Rose most likely, but Joey Dorsey??? Hell no. Calipari used to have the lowest graduation rate for players in Division I basketball. Oh yeah, Robert Dozier. That kid struggles with single digit addition and you know it. I'm fucking done.

Brett Favre Might Possibly Be Thinking About Considering a Comeback. Maybe.

Brett Favre will meet with renowned orthopedist Dr. James Andrews on Tuesday in Alabama to discuss surgery on his throwing shoulder expected to be performed later this week, the St. Paul Pioneer Press has reported. Rehabilitation from the surgery, which will release a partially torn biceps tendon in Favre's right arm, would be six to eight weeks, the report said. Favre, 39, consulted with Andrews last week, a source told ESPN. According to the Pioneer Press, Favre then missed another scheduled appointment with Andrews.

Thank God. I don't know what we would have done without more Favre speculation to fill our days. Whatever. Let the poor bastard play football until he ultimately kills himself out there. I just wanna make sure that when they talk about him throughout history that they describe him as anything but loyal.

So You Guys Like To Party?

GRISWOLD, Conn. -- A senior couple from Griswold was arrested in Arkansas after police said they were found with more than 200 pounds of marijuana.Police said Arthur Scherp Sr., 71, and his wife, Helen Scherp, 69, were stopped by state troopers as they traveled through Arkansas last week in a Dodge Ram 3500 and towing a camper.According to the police report, the couple was acting nervous when they were pulled over on Interstate 40 east. The report said the couple was cited for several motor-vehicle violations.The report said the man and the woman also gave a "nonsensical" story about their travel plans, but agreed to let officers inspect their vehicle.Police said that's when 219 pounds of marijuana was found in the bed of the couple's truck. The police report states that Arthur Scherp said he was transporting the goods for someone for $5 thousand.

I'm gonna go out on a whim here and say this couple likes to smoke a little weed. After 200 pounds you get that sort of impression from these clowns. Which part of the story do you think was "nonsensical"? The fact that they were in Arkansas or that he was getting absolutely robbed by selling pulling 200 pounds for only 5 g's? I mean I get it but I don't get it. How old are these fuckers? Oh, you're addicted to marijuana? Time to grow the fuck up. It's not the 70's or whatever. The days of being young and committed and numerous possibilities are over. You're nothing but a weak human being if you're addicted to that petty shit and you have no positive contribution to society. Therefore you should be shot. That goes for everyone. Stop self medicating yourself and get in touch with reality. And if not, then I hope your first born child has 1 arm or is disabled in ways that I can't imagine. Hey, when you're on the ground coughing up a black lounge, I wont be the guy to step on your throat and put you out of your misery. Nope. You deserve to suffer. I'm out fuckers.

Reactions To Game 7.

If you think Paul Pierce was a top 5 player in the league like I did then you are absolutely wrong. Last night he might have played himself out of the top 10. Bold statement indeed.

I'm a little happy we didn't get to play Lebron in the next round. He's terrifying and there is no way the Celtics would be able to stop him or even have an answer for him. Without KG and Powe, the celtics are one dimensional team at best.

I'm a mess.

C's are taking the title next year just like the Pats. End of story.

I don't wanna sound like a little bitch but there is no way we were going to win the title this year and I'd rather lose in the semi's than go and get swept by Lebron or beat by some ass clowns/rapist from LA or some crack dealing thugs from Denver.

The fellas from Boston played there ass off and at the end of the day that's what this group will be remembered by. Over-achieving in the face of adversity. The American dream.

We Just weren't good enough. Story of my life.

What????

Sir Charles, I type your name on google and this comes up? You've got yourself some explaining to do. I think you are the funniest individual on television, but still. Even Kenny The Jet Smith would have been a better choice. Maybe Duuuwight is next...

I Hate Game 7's.

Siiiiiiiiiiiigggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...........................
Why are we dying to live if we're just living to die?

Game 7 Live Blog A.K.A. "Lets See How Stan Van 'Holy Shit We're Playing Boston' Gundy Will Blow It

8:00- Why didn't the game start yet? I see you in that red dress. I'm excited to see how many times Barkely says "get some rebounds du-wight."

8:08- Marv Albert and Reggie Miller are calling the game again? Ebony and ivory. Hey, if I wanted to listen to a game called at the pace of a drunken snail I would have taken grams up on her offer for bingo night years ago.

8:10- I could kick the shit out of JJ Redick.

8:15- Another dunk by Howard. Yawn. Does this guy have any real talent other than jumping around like a gorilla in a cage? I'm told I should stop referring to people of his "color" as monkeys. or bafoons. or apes.

9:27- Uhhhhhh what just happened? Good thing I remembered that short term memory loss was a side effect of this medication. Wait what? Get it.

9:34- Countryyy roaddds take me homee to the plaacee I belongggg, West Virginiaaaa, mountain mommaaaa, Take me home country rooaddss.

9:36- How many times does Rondo have to be left open before they guard the little fucker? Celts down 6.

9:37- Rondo just dunked on Duuhhwight. My boy got ups.

9:38- Paul Pierce has no gas in the tank. direct quote from black cart boy at stop and shop july 2008.

9:39- Hedo Turkoglu= poor mans Peja. Peja= poor man's Reggie Miller. Reggie Miller= a Poor man. a poor man= a porn man?

9:41- There are so many things I want to say about Rafer skip the dick in my ass Alston but I think I could get arrested for a hate crime.

9:42- JJ Redick just hit a 3. I officially quit.

Im Sick of Losing on The Road and Johnny Damon Doing Anything Positive

2-4 on the road? I'm not fucking pleased ladies. I don't enjoy wasting a brilliant performance by one of the leagues youngest and brightest pitchers in Masterson. And what about these Yankees? When the fuck did they learn how to win close games? I just wish we could play them every day because then we'd be about 37-0. That's pure fact. Look it up. 5-0 against those pansy ass faggots this year. Whatever. Get ready for the return of the live blog tonight for game 7. Maybe. Im hungry and short tempered tonight. Is it October yet? Blow me.

Good thing my prediction was right

Well, the Rockets didn't even show up, so I might as well have not even wasted time making a prediction. I don't know what I was thinking. There is no way Shane Battier can score points. There is now way Chuck Hayes can guard Pau Gasol. I am awful, disgraceful, terrible. Thanks for reading!

Hey Is That A Banana In Your Pocket Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

WINSTON-SALEM, N.C. -- Authorities in North Carolina say a store owner and a patron thwarted a teen accused of trying to carry out a robbery by concealing a banana beneath his shirt to resemble a gun. Winston-Salem authorities say 17-year-old John Szwalla entered the Internet cafe Thursday and demanded money, saying he had a gun. The owner, Bobby Ray Mabe, said he and a customer jumped Szwalla, holding him until deputies arrived. While they waited, Mabe says the teen ate the banana. Mabe says deputies took pictures of the peel. Forsyth County Sheriff's office spokesman Maj. Brad Stanley says deputies joked about charging Szwalla with destroying evidence.

Only in Winston-Salem baby! Ill say this one more time and maybe it wont be the last, but I think Szwalla had a vision of how his armed robbery was going to go and this was the exact opposite of what he had planned. First off, why rob an internet cafe? What is that shit anyway? How do they even get money? piss poor planning from the beginning. Then again, if this kid got away with it I think we would all be sitting here today shaking our heads and scratching our balls saying homie was playing chess while his counterparts were playing checkers. But a banana? Really? I know what a banana looks like and even under some clothes there is no way I'm mistaking that thing for a gun. A love gun, yes. That was a penis joke. You can laugh now.

Two game sevens in one day? You bet your ass there are

Wow, two game sevens on the same day in the NBA playoffs. What could be better? Since I consider myself to be the greatest sports predictorizer of all time, let me share with you my words of wisdom.We'll start with the Lakers and the Rockets: Ron-Ron comes out on a mission....a mission to absolutely abuse Pau Gasol. Artest goes hard to the bucket on every play until the skinny European cries uncle, or "tio" if you think he screams in Spanish. The Lakers have no answer for the incredibly talented Aaron Brooks (I can't believe I just said that), and the Rockets lead at the half. Kobe tears Derek Fisher a new asshole in the locker room, and the Fish plays a brilliant second half. Four three point baskets bring the Lakers within one, but Kobe misses a fade away that would have won the game. The Rockets pull off one of the biggest upsets in NBA history, simply because they want it more.

Celtics vs. Magic: Do you believe in Magic? Kind-of. I believe in Dwight Howard going for 25 and 25 tonight, but no one else can score it seems. Hedo Turkoglu is inconsistent at best, and I read somewhere that Rashard Lewis used to eat Ray Allen's asshole in Seattle. Rafer Alston can't kiss enough officials to win this one, and the Celtics move on. The big play tonight comes from Ray Allen. Having a horrible series, Ray-Ray goes off for 30+ tonight, and KG rapes some chick in the first row. Celtics can win big games, Lakers can't. It hurts me to say it, but it's the god honest Paul Pierce. And if you don't understand that last sentence, you aren't a basketball fan.

Photo of the Day

He's single ladiesssss

A little high school sports for ya

I spent six hours today at a the Berkshire League Championship track meet. You might expect that statement to be featured on FML, but I was mildly entertained. I'll start by saying Mike Orefice won the long jump, yawn, and should have won the triple jump were it not for some sort of long haired jumper from Gilbert. The fun stuff was laughing at all the other soccer/track athletes. Lee Krieger, fine individual that he is, had a mohawk in his hair today only to finish 5th and 4th in long jump and triple jump. I think it worked perfectly. Jason "The Cipriano" Cipriano, tried to break one of Smitty's records in the 200. Haha, nope. He also used the phrase "absolutely beautiful" to describe his start in the 300 meter hurdles. Couldn't he have just said I had a great start? Why do you need to describe it like I would describe Michelle Sellberg? Finally, Chris Lynch. The kid that scored the one goal to beat MSC on seinor night this year. He disqualified in the 100 meter finals. How does my ass taste now? Oh yeah, and Jim Husbands wore a multi-colored shirt, short shorts, and a cowboy hat with a feather in it. He called it macaroni.