Man Arrested Hiding 18 Monkeys in His Jacket

In this weeks podcast Blog Dylan claimed that tax evasion was the most bad ass crime, that might have been true one day ago, but it is now second. A man was arrested yesterday in Mexico for smuggling in 18 monkeys from Peru. What's even more ballin' about this crime is that the monkeys were endangered and you need a special permit just to own one. When I first read this story a couple of questions came to mind; one how the hell do you get these 18 monkeys all way from Peru, on a plane, to Mexico. Question two is what do you tell the cops when they catch you with a poncho full of apes, lets break this thing down.

First let's tackle the how Juan Apeington did it. He went for the old "stuff the tiny monkeys in pouches and stuff them in your clothing" (classic). I would have to believe that there is a specific online store that sells monkey pouches, and if there isn't one I need to buy monkeypouches.com ASAP. Now that that is answered it's time to call out Peru for being an awful county. How do you not notice a man with 18 MONKEYS IN HIS FUGGIN' SHIRT!?! I mean come on! I'm no TSA agent, but I think a man smugglin' 18 monkeys would be a pretty easy spot. That being said, props to Mexico for not being a bunch of dumbasses and catching this guy, well done guys, well done.

So now put yourself in Mr. Apeington's shoes, you've been caught with 18 pouches of monkey, what do you do? Well this guy was quick on his feet and claimed he bought the lot for $30 bucks and was going to keep them as pets. I honestly can't blame him for this lame excuse, I would have done the same. At this point he was probably resigned to his fate of forever being known as the guy who almost smuggled 18 monkeys into Mexico in velvet pouches. I bet when he comes in the US illegally his boys are going to give him a lot of shit for this one.

UPDATE: We have a prototype of the UggBootsforMen Monkey Pouch!