Fat Lard Thinks Sunday Is The 2nd Biggest Game in Jets History

FLORHAM PARK, N.J. -- It's a lot more than just personal. In fact, only Broadway Joe's historic upset might be more important. The latest installment of the border war between the New York Jets and New England Patriots will not only be the biggest in one of the NFL's most heated rivalries but Rex Ryan says it will eclipse all other games in Jets' franchise history except for Joe Namath's greatest conquest. "This one will probably be the second biggest game in the history of this franchise," Ryan said on Friday. "Obviously Super Bowl III being the most [important]. Even more so than last year's Indianapolis game [in the AFC championship], I think this one is huge because you got your rival, a team that has won three Super Bowls, right there in your own division, at their place, coming off the huge embarrassing loss that we had that Monday night game.  "I think this is, without question, the second biggest game in the history of the franchise." Ryan also said the Jets "are going to win" a game he ranks only behind the Jets' 16-7 win over the Baltimore Colts in Super Bowl III. 

Let's get one thing clear. The Jets are not our rivals like they think they are. Last time I checked, they have 1 Super Bowl and that was in like 1780. We have 3. When have the Jets ever beat us in a meaningful game? Never. You gotta get to meaningful games before you can win or lose them. I think of Indy and Pittsburgh as our biggest rivals. Not some foot fucking freak who talks out of his ass to get media attention on him and away from the fact that his team is a 9 point underdog going into Sunday.  Having said that, I don't want this game to happen. I'm actually fucking terrified of it. You might think I'd be all jacked up but I'm dreading it. I already see myself having to excuse myself from the room and having 10 minute puke breaks because I'm gonna be so uptight throughout. If we lose I might kill myself. I mean that's a distinct possibility. The Jets aren't the Miami Dolphins. They don't have Tommy Hopskotch playing cornerback. They're pretty fucking good. We could lose and I could be the miserable piece of shit for the next 365 days. If you think I'm a dick now then you don't wanna see me after a Pats loss. It's like Nueremberg on Yom Kippur. Slapping jews and cracking cashews. 68% chance I slip into an Advil PM induced coma from 4:30 PM to the 8:00 PM on Sunday.