What the Hell is David Stern Wearing?

David Stern fined Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert $100,000 for his letter to Cleveland fans that he posted on the team's website after LeBron James announced he was signing with Miami. The letter was pretty hilarious and I'll share excerpts below the video. I really wish I had the power to just tell people they had to give me $100,000 whenever I wanted. Life would be so much easier and more fun. I envision a scenario where I would spend the money like the kid did in Blank Check. That water slide was sick.

Here are some of the better parts from Dan Gilbert's letter to Cleveland fans:

As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.

This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his “decision” unlike anything ever “witnessed” in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.

Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.

[...]

You simply don’t deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.

You have given so much and deserve so much more.

In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:

“I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE”

You can take it to the bank.

If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our “motivation” to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.

[...]

The self-declared former “King” will be taking the “curse” with him down south. And until he does “right” by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.

[...]

I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:

DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue….

Was the CAPS really necessary? If Gilbert really thinks the Cavs will win a championship before LeBron does he is delusional. A starting 5 of Mo Williams, Anthony Parker, Jamario Moon, Antawn Jamison and Anderson Varejao is laughable.