2:00 - Say what you want about Tiger but the boy can dress. Nice easter themed polo he's got on.2:01 - Starts it off by thanking the fans for being nice and not throwing used condoms at him. It "blew him away." Relax, dude. We just got here.
2:02 - Apologizes to his fellow players for all the hoopla then says he missed playing and the competition. In other words, Sorry you had to talk about me and sorry you're not getting another minute of the spotlight. Daddy's home!
2:05 - Tiger gets asked about his injuries that sent him to the hospital. "busted lip, 5 stitches." He's seriously answering every question with a "yup. I did it. blow me" attitude.
2:08 - His eyes are red. I think we know why he's so calm. Tiger is sooooooooooo high.
2:09 - Says he's not gonna try and not get as "hot" when he plays. He must've picked this up at sex rehab. No fucking on the course. They frown upon that at Augusta.
2:09 - Tiger wants to show his appreciation towards the fans more. Especially if you're over 18 and like to keep little secrets.
2:15 - answers some question about his doctor who was arrested for HGH. He went off about some injection shit. I don't know. I'm confused. What I do know is that's how you answer a question about possible steroid use. Just confuse the fuck out of everyone.
2:17 - "Come game time, I think it'll be a little bit more different. I'll try to get the ball in the hole." Boom. That's his game plan every friday night.
2:22 - Answers his first question about vicodin and ambien. Pain killers were for the knee injury and Ambien was for sleepless nights when his dad was sick. Good God. It's like he just stared that reporter down and said, "two can play this game." Played that sympathy card hard right there.
2:25 - Rehab for 45 days to look at himself results in another reporter yelling, "what was it for?" to which Tiger calmly says "that's personal.'' 30 minutes later that reporter was last seen being vaporized by Tiger's death stare.
2:28 - Does every bald writer look like Scot Van Pelt?
2:30 - Asked about if he had the blessing of his family to return to golf he says he had no plans to return but then "I just kept hitting more balls and more balls and I started to have that itch again." C'mon! You're making this way too easy on me, bro.
2:35- Tiger gets all touchy on us when he says he missed his sons first birthday when he went to rehab and he vows to never miss another one. Yeeahh, should've been thinking about your children when you were banging that porn star. I love Tiger but he'll never win father of the year.
2:40 - Question of the day: What does this do to your legacy? Tiger responds with he has to learn to help himself to help more people. Right. Soooooo he didn't answer the question what so ever.
2:27 - Some writer asks the worlds longest question about being dropped from sponsors. All Tiger can do is smile and say, "long winded one there bro." Hilarious
2:38 - Tiger says nothing has changed as far as expectations go. He wants to go out there and win this thing. That's where this press conference should have ended after he dropped the mic and threw up a peace sign.
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