Cat Attacks Mail Man. A Lot.

LONDON -- Britain's postal service says it has suspended deliveries to a woman following repeated attacks by her 19-year-old cat. Royal Mail said Friday that it had halted deliveries because postal workers had already sustained "nasty injuries" at the address in the town of Farsley, near Leeds in northern England. The woman was identified as a 43-year-old pharmacy worker. Media reports say she found it hard to believe that her cat, named "Tiger," could be behind the attacks.

Only in London does a cat named Tiger attack postal workers and it's not earth shattering news. If you heard a headline in Florida read something like "Tiger attacks delivery man" we'd all be thinking about that sex crazed golfer who used to win majors but now wins nothing more than the itchiest herpes contest(I heard it's being held in Donahue's back seat this year). Again, I'm ignoring the biggest part of the story. What the fuck is a cat doing at 19 years old? What is that in cat years? My google sources tell me 92. That's gross. I don't even want to live to be 80. I'd just be an awful human at that point in my life. Whatever. At the end of the day this story ends with one thing we can all agree on. This postal worker is a pussy. Hey bro, it's a fucking cat. I've had worse injuries falling drunk into a rose bush. You can't take a little scratch to the back of the legs? Then run away or fight your ground. The cat is fucking 92 years old, it can't that hard to kick the shit out of.