Kirstie Alley was the guest on "The Ellen Show" last week and started talking about how not having a boyfriend for the past 10 years was awesome and that she used to bang "hot" guys for 2 hours a day. If by "hot" guys she means anyone who would accept her cash. And if by "anyone who would accept her cash" she means anyone who accepts her cash and didn't notice the roofie she slipped in their drink. And if by "anyone who accepts her cash and didn't notice the roofie she slipped in their drink" she means anyone who accepts her cash and didn't notice the roofie she slipped in their drink and who wouldn't be crushed by her. That really limits her options so by the transitive property of addition I'm going to conclude that she's lying. Be right back though...
...Sorry. I just barfed a little in my mouth.
Look at Ellen with the zinger! But back to the topic at hand here. Dear Kirstie, you don't have to keep lying to us. First you tell us you're a size 6 now you say you bang hot dudes for 2 hours a day. We accept you for who you are - a 60-year-old fat lady that makes us laugh by losing your shoe or falling on top of your partner on Dancing with the Stars.
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