Kirstie Alley Used To Have Sex Two Hours A Day

Kirstie Alley was the guest on "The Ellen Show" last week and started talking about how not having a boyfriend for the past 10 years was awesome and that she used to bang "hot" guys for 2 hours a day. If by "hot" guys she means anyone who would accept her cash. And if by "anyone who would accept her cash" she means anyone who accepts her cash and didn't notice the roofie she slipped in their drink. And if by "anyone who accepts her cash and didn't notice the roofie she slipped in their drink" she means anyone who accepts her cash and didn't notice the roofie she slipped in their drink and who wouldn't be crushed by her. That really limits her options so by the transitive property of addition I'm going to conclude that she's lying. Be right back though...






...Sorry. I just barfed a little in my mouth.

Look at Ellen with the zinger! But back to the topic at hand here. Dear Kirstie, you don't have to keep lying to us. First you tell us you're a size 6 now you say you bang hot dudes for 2 hours a day. We accept you for who you are - a 60-year-old fat lady that makes us laugh by losing your shoe or falling on top of your partner on Dancing with the Stars.

"Dancing with the Stars" Top 6 Dance Videos

Last night the Top 6 from "Dancing with the Stars" Season 12 each danced two dances. The first dance was either to Lady GaGa's "Born This Way" or Ke$ha's "We R Who We R". Three couples - Chelsea Kane & Mark Ballas, Ralph Macchio & Karina Smirnoff and Romeo & Chelsie Hightower - danced to Lady GaGa's "Born This Way" while the other 3 - Hines Ward & Kym Johnson, Kirstie Alley & Maksim Chmerkovskiy and Kendra Wilkinson & Louis Van Amstel - danced to Ke$ha's "We R Who We R". Obviously Kirstie Alley got tired after the first dance and kept forcing ABC to take commercial breaks so she could catch her breath before her second dance. She also forced Chelsea Kane to supply her with "enough coke to keep a fatty from getting tired while dancing" Anywho, here are the second dances from each of the 6 finalists last night:

Kirstie Alley Falls on Dancing With The Stars

You might read the title of this post and say "shocker" because yes this was bound to happen. Last night, on Dancing with the Stars, Kirstie Alley and partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy fell at the beginning of their dance. It wasn't so much that they fell but that he was holding her up and buckled under the elephant weight he was trying to hold up so he fell and then she came down too. I haven't seen something this big fall since the Berlin Wall!