Kirstie Alley Used To Have Sex Two Hours A Day

Kirstie Alley was the guest on "The Ellen Show" last week and started talking about how not having a boyfriend for the past 10 years was awesome and that she used to bang "hot" guys for 2 hours a day. If by "hot" guys she means anyone who would accept her cash. And if by "anyone who would accept her cash" she means anyone who accepts her cash and didn't notice the roofie she slipped in their drink. And if by "anyone who accepts her cash and didn't notice the roofie she slipped in their drink" she means anyone who accepts her cash and didn't notice the roofie she slipped in their drink and who wouldn't be crushed by her. That really limits her options so by the transitive property of addition I'm going to conclude that she's lying. Be right back though...






...Sorry. I just barfed a little in my mouth.

Look at Ellen with the zinger! But back to the topic at hand here. Dear Kirstie, you don't have to keep lying to us. First you tell us you're a size 6 now you say you bang hot dudes for 2 hours a day. We accept you for who you are - a 60-year-old fat lady that makes us laugh by losing your shoe or falling on top of your partner on Dancing with the Stars.

Selena Gomez was on Ellen Yesterday

I just did a post about Selena Gomez two days ago but after seeing these pictures of her on Ellen yesterday how could I not post them. Selena is quickly shooting up my list of favorite 18-year-olds. It's like she picked out this dress because she knew exactly what we were all going to be looking at. No, not the lesbian wearing jeans. Here's part of the interview where Ellen questions Selena about dating the Biebs.

I actually wish I didn't include this video because now all I can think of is Selena and Justin Bieber as brother and sister and dating. This was definitely a ploy by Ellen to get Selena weirded out that she's dating Bieber so that they would break up and she could make her move on Selena.

Photos: Egotastic

Jersey Shore Cast on Ellen Degeneres

It was actually only Snooki, the Situation, Pauly D and JWowwwwwwwwwwww (one "w" for each of her Y chromosomes) for most of the interview but they are by far the most entertaining of the group. Ellen jumped right into asking Snooki about her recent arrest and how the judge called her a "Lindsay Lohan wannabe". Snooki said that during her drunken escapade she "kind of annoyed people". Snooki is annoying? Shocking! I feel as though I just found out I was adopted.

Snooki then talks about how she wants to date a "business guy" that can support her. Pauly D says, "Whatever guy that wants to date Snooki, from now on, I'm gonna screen him. So all you guys out there, if you wanna date Snooki you gotta see me first." I think it's safe to say that Pauly D is going to have a bunch of free time.


After a bunch of boring shit about Ronnie and Sammi the conversation goes back to Snooki when she tries to convince everyone she reads. She says,

"I think like no one really knows how we are. Like we have like different sides. Like obviously you see us on the show - we party, we do this, we do that but like outside of the show like we're very quiet. Like me, I'll go to frickin Barnes and Nobles, get a coffee and just sit down and read. I mean you know like no one would ever think that but like we have different sides to us and people don't see that."

See that's where you're wrong Snooki. Everyone thinks that you read and have a firm grip on the English language, especially after hearing "like" more times than at a Facebook conference. Watch the full interview for even more entertainment:

Ellen DeGeneres, Kara DioGuardi Out - Jennifer Lopez, Steven Tyler in on American Idol

Simon Cowell announced a few months ago that he would not be returning for the next season of American Idol and on Thursday night Ellen DeGeneres tweeted that she was also leaving. A few hours later it was confirmed that Kara DioGuardi had been fired. That meant only Randy Jackson was left on the American Idol judge panel. Deadline reported last night that Idol hired Jennifer Lopez to replace Ellen and Steven Tyler to replace Simon Cowell.

I want to bounce quarters off that thing

Ah yes, the keys to success - bring in a washed-up singer that now stars in such winners as The Back-Up Plan (don't forget Gigli) and a dude that looks like an old lady and is addicted to painkillers. If only Paul Abdul were still on the show her and Steven could have "who can pop more pills during each performance" contests. I don't watch American Idol but I might have to start just to see what a train wreck it actually turns out to be. This post does give me a good excuse to post one of the 2 things I am thankful American Idol has given the world - pants on the ground (the other being Carrie Underwood).

If we hadn't gotten that we wouldn't have gotten this...