Tom Brady's Hair is Fake?

All season we've been asking ourselves how Tom Brady(notes) could think his Bieber-hair is a good look. What we should have been asking is what possessed him to grow out his flowing mane in the first place. According to The New York Daily News, Brady's long hair is a preemptive strike against male pattern baldness. The tabloid quotes a National Enquirer story which says Brady's wife, Gisele Bundchen, has ordered the quarterback to visit a hair restoration specialist in an attempt to curb the baldness gene that runs in the family. In that process, hair from the back and sides would be transplanted to the bald spot and the new growth would be seamless. If true (and that's a mighty big "if"), this misdirection by Brady would be like the hairstyle equivalent of the Statue of Liberty play. Draw all our attention to the flowing mane down the shoulders, ignore the enveloping bald patch on the top of the head. Brilliant. Bill Belichick himself couldn't have drawn up a better defensive scheme. 

I can't even try to sugarcoat this shit because this hurts and it hurts a lot. I've said all year that I like the look but I don't love it like I did last year. It fucking sucks now. I'm actually starting to hate his hair now that I know it might not all be real. This is like if you married a wholesome girl next door and 5 years into it, you find out she used to be a Vietnamese prostitute. Why is she Vietnamese if she's American you ask? Exactly. She never was American but you ignored that until you realized one of her faults and now you can get over the way she slurps a bit when she sips her milk. It's a snowball effect and you're left cold and lonely on the east side of the mountain.

This is the only style Tom Terrific should rock. Simple yet classy. It says I don't really give a shit what my hair looks like but I'm also not about to look like a hobo.