Amber From Teen Mom Is Headed To The Big House

ANDERSON, Ind. -- Indiana police want prosecutors to file charges against the star of the MTV program "Teen Mom." Anderson Police Detective Jake Brooks says in a probable cause affidavit that 20-year-old Amber Portwood "implicated herself" in slapping, choking, and punching 24-year-old Gary Shirley three times since August 14, 2009. Brooks asked prosecutors to file two felony counts and one misdemeanor count of battery. The alleged felonies occurred in the presence of the child. Leah was one at the time of the first incident. Portwood's attorney Robert Schembs had no comment Friday. A message was left with the Madison County prosecutor.

Gonna be real and honest here for a second. How do you not hit that girl? Seriously. How do you not just throw an "accidental" elbow right into her dome? I've thrown plenty of those in my life. A simple "whoops, didn't see ya there ya fatty. Good thing your fat absorbed my elbow though huh?" Maybe shake the shit out of her. I never condone abuse but this might be the only exception because Amber from Teen Mom deserves a classic beat down. Bring her out back and let her taste some dirt. I'm not saying you touch her but I have an idea in mind that would shut her up for a while. Something that makes her remember you put your pants on one leg at a time like every other man in the world. I call it the Tokyo Sandblaster. Line up, ladies.