I Just Don't Get What Happened

Duke Silver Takes You Into The Weekend

Let's hope this sax train keeps on keepin' on.

Febreze - Keeping the Stink Off

I am a brand ambassador for ReadyU this semester and have been given samples of two brand new products. They both target athletes so I thought I would mention them to the readers in case you need two great products the next time you are at the store.

Tide Febreze Sport is their brand new laundry detergent that combines all the great aspects of Tide detergent with the freshness of Febreze. The website advertises "Tide plus Febreze Freshness SPORT is specially formulated to fight tough sports stains like grass, dirt, clay, and blood. It’s also the #1 sports detergent for stain removal." The detergent is great if you have just worked up a sweat or managed to get your clothes extra dirty. Not only does it remove the stains and odors but it also leaves your clothes with a great Febreze sport scent. I have used this new detergent and my clothes have never looked or smelt cleaner. I'm definitely going to buy it again and recommend you do too.


Febreze Sport Spray is Febreze's brand new line of spray that I use for everything. I play ice hockey, and if you play you know that the equipment smells horrendous. Nothing I have used in the past has been able to get the smell out until I tried Febreze Sport spray. You can use it on your equipment, shoes and clothes. If you workout often and don't have time to use the Tide Febreze detergent just spray some Febreze Sport on your gym clothes before you workout so you don't smell bad and disgust the hottie at the gym.

Tiger Violated 121 Souls

The National Enquirer, which originally broke the Tiger Woods sex scandal is reporting that Tiger has had sex with at least 121 women during his marriage. According to the Enquirer, Tiger admitted to bedding 120 women during his sex therapy sessions. The 121st woman, Raychel Coudriet, the daughter of his neighbor, is allegedly the reason that, Tiger’s Wife, Elin Nordegren, is filing for divorce from him.

How did I miss this? Amazing. Just simply amazing. It's actually really, really gross but still amazing. Wow. And he doesn't have HIV? Take that, sex ed teachers of America! Somewhere Magic Johnson is shaking his head and repeating, "you bastard."

Hot Time Time Machine Drinking Game

I watched Hot Tub Time Machine the other day and it exceeded my expectations. I had heard it was very funny so I was eager to see it and it was even funnier than I expected. The movie was just the right mix of comedy and storyline. John Cusack's character had a lot of the same elements as his previous characters (namely in Say Anything and High Fidelity) while Craig Robinson (The Office, Pineapple Express), Rob Corddry and Clark Duke (Greek, Sex Drive, Kick-Ass) had great chemistry.


My new second favorite girl, Lyndsy Fonseca (you know Taylor Swift is still #1), had some pretty great scenes. This is the second straight movie I have watched that she was in (she was in Kick-Ass).


Here's our drinking game for the movie.

Drink:
Anytime Lou makes fun of Jacob
Whenever Charlie McDermott is in a scene (my roommate is convinced I look like him)
Anytime one of the four guys is drinking (Lou, Jacob, Adam or Nick)
Anytime Phil (the bellhop) is in a scene where the guys think he will lose his arm
Whenever you see the random bear

Chug:
Whenever Chevy Chase is in a scene

I Can't Wait To See The Sean Avery Movie

A while back, the movie, titled "Puckface," sold to New Line and began coming together. Now the picture is getting a boost -- namely, an up-and-comer named Chip Hall, a longtime writer and producer on "King of the Hill" as well as the current Spike TV college-football satire "Blue Mountain State." Hall has been hired to write a new draft, picking it up from Stan Chervin, who also was an early writer on another high-profile sports movie, "Moneyball." Hall is a welcome figure on the New Line/Warner Bros. lot -- welcome the way Mike Bossy will always be welcome on Long Island -- with a gig already booked to write the sports comedy "Liam McBain: International Tennis Star and Proper English Geezer" for Warner Bros. He'll need all the skills he can muster for "Puckface," on which he'll have the unenviable task of making Sean Avery sympathetic, even likable. Avery, as hockey fans and general chroniclers of thuggery know, is renowned a little for his stick-handling and a lot for his goonishness (that's him on the right above, discussing Shakespeare with a player on the Montreal Canadiens). He's one of those NHL-ers who prompted the league to enact new rules after he tried some new moves (like turning his back to the play and waving his stick in the face of opposing goalies). And he was famously ridden out of Dallas and back to the Rangers after trashing other players -- he used a colorful phrase to make his point -- who had dated his ex-girlfriends. But Avery is also a more complicated soul (we're told), a self-styled fashionista and restaurant proprietor who, when he's not inventing new ways to get under the skin of other NHL-ers, is happy to opine on all things fashion. A few years back, he actually spent a summer interning at Vogue, and the movie is a romantic comedy of sorts about his time there. Think "The Devil Wears Prada," only in this case the devil is an actual devil (but not a Devil).

If this doesn't scream date night movie then I don't know what does. It's got the him and her factor written all over it. Think Armageddon. They gave you Ben Affleck and his little love shit going on with animal crackers for the ladies and then threw Bruce Willis blowing up asteroids at you for the fellas. The trick is finding the common denominator where both parties can relate. So what we have here is the shit talking Sean Avery by night and fashion loving guru by day. give him a female counterpart and you got yourself a romantic comedy for the whole family to enjoy. And if you add a couple more scenes I won't mention, it would be porn. The lines between romantic comedy and porn are very thin. You think you're watching Uptown Girl and then bow chicka wow it turns into Downtown Love.

U.S. World Cup Jerseys Revealed

The design is, of course, based on the kit the 1950 U.S. World Cup team wore when they shocked the planet with a 1-0 win over England in a game later called the "Miracle on Grass."

Try and tell me this doesn't make you excited for the World Cup. Take a good look at those jerseys, England, and the rest of the world, because they're about to embarass you out on that pitch.

Tiga Tiga Woods Y'all

Tiger Woods was headed in the wrong direction Friday in his second round at the Quail Hollow Championship. Woods had back-to-back bogeys on the third and fourth holes, falling to 3-over par and 10 shots behind leader Bo Van Pelt. If things don't change, the world's No. 1 player won't be around for the weekend.

Should we be worried? The great Eldrick Woods is in danger of missing the cut. Everybody panic. No. Everyone needs to chill out for a second. It's only his second tournament back after being gone for months. Im sure he wasnt expecting to come back and easily win every tournament, and we shouldnt expect that either. Give him a couple more tournaments to get his groove back. Did the emperor in "The Emporer's New Groove" have trouble adjusting to being a llama or whatever? Yes he did, but he got used to it eventually, and Tiger is going to start winning tournaments again eventually. Another thing, he has like 14 holes left! You have to be dumb to think he wont make up a couple strokes and make the cut. He'll be playing this weekend, and while everyone else starts to fall apart, Tiger will make his way to the top. I still believe in you, Tiger.

Scotty Can Have That Tiny Horse. I Want This

POYNETTE, Wis. -- Big Jake might be taller than any other horse in the world, but his owner Jerry Gilbert describes him as a gentle giant. The 9-year-old Belgian gelding is the Guinness World Record-holder for world's tallest living horse at one quarter inch short of 6-feet, 11 inches.

Yeah bitch. Picture me and George Washington rolling into town on top of Big Jake, getting ready to stomp your ass into the ground.

Pauly D Loves Fat Chicks

This has to be fake. Like MTV rounded up all the chubby girls in Miami and threw them on Pauly D and Vinny for the new season of Jersey Shore. And if it's real then that's the worst luck of all time. Nothing worse than trying to catch some rays and the Klump family rolls into town to block your light. Seriously that looks like an offensive line about to jump on a steak. You can't get that filth off of you after that. And nothing against the big people, you just disgust me.

Sox No. 2 Hated Team

With 27 World Series championships, baseball's highest payroll and some of the most boastful fans in sports, the New York Yankees have to be the team other baseball fans love to hate, right? Wrong. According to a formula created by The Neilsen Company, there are four teams more detested than the Bronx Bombers, The Wall Street Journal reported The No. 1 most disliked team in baseball, according to the formula, is the Cleveland Indians. The Boston Red Sox, the Yankees' archrival, rank No. 2 on the list. The formula helps determine whether consumers have positive, negative or neutral reactions to brands in their online messages. Neilsen's "Sentiment Rankings" range from 5 to minus-5. No team finished with a negative number. But six teams finished with a number lower than 2. The rest of the not-so top 10: Chicago White Sox (No. 7), Baltimore Orioles (No. 8), New York Mets (No. 9) and Los Angeles Dodgers (No. 10). The Cincinnati Reds (No. 3) and Houston Astros (No. 4) also ranked higher than the Yankees on the hatred scale. The Washington Nationals (No. 6) were the only other team to have a number lower than 2.

This hurts. This hurts a lot. In a way it's a win over the Yankees again. You can have your world series titles and fans. Just let us be the most hated team in the country. We must be doing something right, I guess. I'm still trying to figure out how Cleveland got top honor in this. Last I checked that was a city where dreams go to die. We have Ben Affleck and they have Drew Carey. How does that stock up? I have nothing against the Indians mainly because I don't give a shit about them. Maybe in 1999 when ManRam, Roberto Alomar, Thome and Vizquel were teeing off against us but not anymore. Can't forget about Bartolo Colon. I couldn't tell you a single player on that team. Travis Hafner? Is he still around? That's all I got. I actually look forward to them coming to town because I know it's an easy 3 wins.

I Hate Floyd Mayweather Jr. And His Entire Family

There was a time, not very long ago it seems, when possessing a major title belt represented greatness. Every fighter once strived to own at least one. Not anymore. When Floyd Mayweather Jr. and Shane Mosley enter the ring Saturday night (HBO pay-per-view at 9 ET), the atmosphere inside MGM Grand Garden Arena will have a championship-bout feel. However, there won't be a single belt up for grabs. That sits quite well with Mayweather. He couldn't care less about the World Boxing Association welterweight title belt that Mosley currently owns. Being a champion is no longer on Mayweather's priority list. Legacy and money motivate Mayweather now. "At this level, it's not about belts," Mayweather's top adviser Leonard Ellerbe said. "It's about fighting … to improve his legacy; and it's about money. "Floyd's already the best fighter in the world. Why does he need to fight for a belt to prove that?"

Huh? He's the best fighter in the world so why does he need a belt to prove that? Oh I don't know. I could tell you I'm the greatest pinball player ever but I have nothing to show for it. What would MJ be without his 6 rings? Charles Barkley? Quite the drop off. There are so many things I hate about Mayweather I don't know where to start. Just look at the fights he's been involved in. He calls himself the best and he always picks on smaller guys or people that are past their prime like De La Hoya and Mosley. And when he gets his shot to really prove himself as the best with a bout with Pac-man, he pulls some chicken shit move demanding a blood test before the fight. He says title belts aren't what motivate him anymore because he's afraid what will happen when he puts it all on the line. He knows he can't hang with the big boys so he'll take the money and run like a little bitch.

Do You Like Football? Was Your Mom a Hooker?

NFLPA executive director DeMaurice Smith said Wednesday the treatment of Dallas Cowboys first-round pick Dez Bryant and other prospective draft picks needs to be conducted in a professional manner.Ireland had asked Bryant if Bryant's mother was a prostitute in a meeting the two had before the NFL draft. Smith was reacting to Bryant being asked if his mother was a prostitute by Dolphins general manager Jeff Ireland during a predraft visit in March. Ireland apologized to Bryant on Tuesday after a Yahoo! Sports report said Ireland asked the question. Dolphins owner Stephen Ross said Wednesday that he will look into Ireland's interview conduct. "Jeff Ireland has already apologized for questions asked of former Oklahoma State receiver Dez Bryant," Ross said in a statement. "I will be looking into this matter personally and will take appropriate actions if necessary." Bill Parcells, a former Cowboys coach, who is now an executive with the Dolphins was unavailable for comment. Parcells hired Ireland. "We need to make sure the men of this league are treated as businessmen," Smith said in a statement.

I get the reason for a players union but sometimes they go a little overboard trying to be all righteous and shit. You think Demaurice Smith would be coming out with statements if Dez Bryant was a white guy? I doubt it. Athletes always say their league is a business and they're businessmen but they're really not. The rules of the common office don't relate to that of a locker room. If you go out tonight, get a DUI and slap a chick then you're probably fired but in the NFL it's a slap on the wrist and a 4 game suspension. So fuck yeah it's relevant if Dez Bryant's mom was a prostitute. If I'm shelling out $60 million dollars for you then I might want you to get an AIDS test and you better not say shit about it. I might just bring you in for a meeting and stare at you for 30 minutes to test your mental toughness. That's big boy money we're talking about here. I don't want to take a risk on a kid who was beat up as a child and neglected and that's why he's a complete head case in his adult years. It's not like Dez Bryant was an angel before this interview. By all accounts he's a bit of a clown and had to have OSU dumb the offense down to his level because he didn't understand it. Bottom line is he's a fucked up kid. It's a tough question to ask but it's gotta be asked.

Is Alex Ovechkin Like A-Rod?

WASHINGTON -- Led by Jaroslav Halak's spectacular, acrobatic goaltending, the Montreal Canadiens slowed Alex Ovechkin and the rest of the Washington Capitals' high-powered offense to complete an unlikely comeback and eliminate the NHL's best regular-season team in the first round. Halak made 41 saves, Marc-Andre Bergeron scored a 4-on-3 goal in the last 30 seconds of the opening period Wednesday night, and eighth-seeded Montreal held on to beat Washington 2-1 in Game 7, stunning the Presidents' Trophy winners by reeling off three consecutive victories. The Canadiens are the ninth No. 8 team to knock off a No. 1 in 32 matchups since the NHL went to its current playoff format in 1994 -- and the first to come back from a 3-1 series deficit.

You either love or hate the guy right? And most people hate him so he's on that A-rod level. His Caps just got through blowing a 3-1 lead to Montreal, the #8 seed. I think A-roid and the Yanks once blew to a 3-0 lead in the ALCS. I think. I'm not quite sure on that. Memory is still a little fuzzy from 2004. But back to Ovechkin. Dude can't win the big one. When push comes to shove, he's no where to be found. Wasn't Russia supposed to win the gold medal and Canada romped the shit out of them? I'm just saying if you want to be remembered as one of the best then you gotta give people a reason to remember you. Somewhere Sidney Crosby is dancing around his crib and singing My Cherie Amour. You guys don't do that when you're really happy?

They Should Name an Award After You, Terrible Ted

TORONTO (AP) — The MVP award voted on by NHL players is getting a makeover to honor Ted Lindsay, who fought for their rights more than 50 years ago. The NHL Players' Association will rename the Lester B. Pearson Award for Detroit Red Wings great Ted Lindsay. An official announcement will be made at the Hockey Hall of Fame on Thursday morning. Lindsay was one of the driving forces behind the creation of the NHLPA in the 1950s. The Hall of Famer won the Stanley Cup four times and led the NHL in scoring during the 1949-50 season. The NHLPA's MVP award was first handed out during the 1970-71 season and named for Pearson, the former Canadian prime minister. It was one of the few major awards not named for someone associated with the league.

Is what I would say to him if I ever meet him. What's that? They did name an award after him? WHAT?! I love it. I wish I had his autograph or something. Oh. I do! It says "To Connor, best wishes. Love and uppercuts, Ted Lindsay." Ok, maybe it doesn't say the last part but you get idea. You're probably wondering how I was so lucky to get a hall of famer's hancock without meeting him. Well rumor has it he is actually Matt Berman's grandpa. As in, the Matt Berman of Oxygenashtray.blogspot.com fame. It's pretty fucking cool if you ask me. His #7 jersey hangs in the rafters in Detroit, arguably one of the greatest hockey franchises ever. This aint the Sonics retiring Gary Payton's jersey. Think Celtics and Terrible Ted is our Kevin Mchale. In other words, Ted Lindsay was the balls.

China Loses Medal

China was stripped of a team all-around bronze medal from the 2000 Sydney Olympics on Wednesday because it fielded an underage gymnast. Dong Fangxiao was discovered to be 14 at the time of those Games, two years younger than the minimum age requirement.

Typical China move right here. It seems like everything's in fast forward over there. No one can chill and wait for whatever it is there trying to do to be legal. They need those kids sewing up shirts as seen as theyre out of the womb, and apparently they need underage girls to win Olympic medals. With 6 trillion people living there they really couldnt find another good gymnast that was at least 16? Just another example of why China sucks and America is better.

Hey Theo Epstein, You Know That New Hitter You're Looking For? I Found Him

I don't know what more you want from a 3 year old. I mean he's got to be a 5 tool player. Left handed hitter, pulls the ball, has the power to mash it to opposite fields. Kid even reached across the plate and pulled to the wall. He's tenacious in the box. Screams out "Yay!" when he hits one to the wall. If this doesn't let David Ortiz know his time is up then I don't know what does. Like this kid is the real deal. Runs the bases with grace and a smile like a young Ken Griffey Jr. I want him. I need him.

I Wouldn't Wanna Play Us Either

LeBron James seemed to reinjure his right elbow in the Cleveland Cavaliers' series-clinching victory over the Chicago Bulls. James scored 19 points -- 16 in the second half -- and added 10 rebounds and nine assists as the Cavs finally saddled the stubborn Bulls to win the series 4-1. James doesn't know when he injured the elbow, which he said bothered him the entire second half. TNT showed replays of James landing on the elbow and grimacing after trying to block a shot. James revealed after the game that he underwent an MRI and X-rays on Monday. Results came back clean, according to the Cavaliers.

Nothing wrong with that elbow, eh? That's why he took a left handed free throw last night? Oh, he's just that good that he wanted to fuck around in a playoff game. That's it. I don't think so. The bottom line is I'm the Cavs and Lebron has a sore elbow, the last team I want to face is Boston. We're finally playing defense like we give a shit. It's fantastic. Ray is finding his stroke, Pierce is being himself again and KG is like KG 2.0. Not as explosive but you can't leave him open inside the perimeter. You don't want to go head to head with a championship winning squad who have something to prove again. That's the problem with Lebron. We all wanna crown him as the best guy in the game and call him God and hand his MVP awards and in that it's like we've totally forgotten that he hasn't won 1 fucking title in his life. He never gets hounded to show us something new. Just doesn't have that chip on his shoulder like MJ. He's more like a young Penny Hardaway at this point.

Jets Are Doing Some Garbage Picking

The New England Patriots sent linebacker Adalius Thomas packing on Monday and it appears that the archrival New York Jets are thinking of picking him up, according to the Newark Star-Ledger.

This doesn't surprise me at all. It seems like the typical Jets move this offseason: acquire some tool that may be a decent player, but has some on and off the field problems. For those of you who don't know, Thomas was one of the players that was late to one of the practices and had some things to say about Belichek. I personally believe there's more to this trade. This is another one of Belichik's ingenious schemes. He saw how well the Jets did in the playoffs last year and there's no way he's gonna let that happen again. So what does he do? He convinces Rex "I cry all the time" Ryan to take him. Good move on Rex's part right? Wrong. All Thomas is going to do over there is create drama and he's going to be a slouch on the field. And that, my friends, is how you work the system.

I'm Not Fucking Feeling It Today

I got the Tuesday blues or something. I'm not even excited for the Celtics game tonight. If you could tell the future and you told me that they lost by 1 point at the buzzer, I think I'd just sigh and go upstairs to my room. I went for a run and stopped 8 minutes in and just walked away with my head down. It's just that kind of day. This is when Scotty earns his paycheck.

Are those Air walks or Vans he has on? If there was ever a picture that summed up 1998, it's that.

This Is Where 25% Of Me Comes From

People immediately think I get this rage from from the 3/4 part of me that's Irish. Maybe so. But not so fast my friends because in the Ukraine we know how to handle business. This isn't some town hall meeting either. This is top government officials going bananas, throwing eggs at each other. I know I say this a lot but there is honestly a totally different breed over there. In this country we might debate somebody over their opinions while in Ukraine they'll put you in a head lock and rain punches on your head. Like the speaker brought a umbrella to work knowing he might get eggs and tomatoes thrown at him. Business as usual for these guys. And smoke grenades? Phenomenal.

Aaron Hernandez Likes His Weed

Aaron Hernandez, whom the Patriots chose in the fourth round of the NFL draft Saturday, had earned the reputation as perhaps the most dangerous pass-catching tight end prospect. He had also earned the reputation as a risky selection. According to sources with three NFL teams, the Florida product’s precipitous fall was because of multiple failed drug tests for marijuana as a collegian. Hernandez was open about his marijuana use at the Scouting Combine in February. “He admits to it,’’ said one longtime NFL executive who interviewed him there. “It’s good he did that,’’ said a college scouting official from one AFC team. “But it was enough to scare people so that he fell through three rounds.’’ Attempts to reach Hernandez were unsuccessful and the Patriots didn’t respond immediately to calls from the Globe. The Florida tight end passed his drug test at the combine, according to the executive, so he won’t start his NFL career in the league’s substance-abuse program. But because of his history, he is subject to more tests.

Well Aaron Hernandez better grow the fuck up. I guess you really can't trust someone with sleeve tattoos. They're always a little grimy. Gotta question their judgment, too because it looks silly. I'm not all that shocked to hear of his drug habit mainly because he was born and raised in Bristol, CT. You can take the boy out of the scum but you can't take the scum out of the boy. Reading this made him slip from my favorite draft pick to maybe my least. I mean how fucking dumb do you have to be? It's not a heroine habit you're trying to kick. Maybe he doesn't have this shady past, spends that time in the film room that he used for smoking weed and he's a 2nd, maybe first round pick. He'd be rolling around in dollar bills right now instead of blunt wraps. This doesn't reflect on him as a player as much as it does as a person. Like it's a character issues and right now it says he's a fucking idiot. I don't trust him to pick up on audibles that Tom Terrific calls and I don't think Tom does either. We already have Randy Moss as the resident pot head football player and he's a little more valuable to us than a 4th round draft pick who's probably only on the team because of a recommendation from Urban Meyer who is another low character guy in my opinion. Just a total asshole and ego maniac. So, no I'm not at all excited anymore about Aaron Hernandez.

How's That Run Prevention Doing?

TORONTO -- Jason Varitek needed a little extra time to ice his aching body after this seesaw slugfest. Varitek had four RBIs, Marco Scutaro scored a career-high four runs and the Boston Red Sox held off the Toronto Blue Jays 13-12 on Monday night."I would have taken a 2-1 game rather than a 4-hour game behind the plate, to be honest with you," Varitek said with a laugh. "I was a little tired after about the fourth inning."Varitek went 3 for 5 with a pair of two-run singles and Scutaro was 3 for 5 with a walk against his former team. Boston set season highs for runs and hits (18) in a wild game that lasted 4 hours, 3 minutes -- the longest nine-inning game in the majors this season, according to STATS LLC.

Listen, I can't get too hot over the Sox at this point. It's not that it's too early or anything but it's playoff season and I'm not gonna lose sleep over an outfield that consists of scrubs like Bill Hall and Darnell Macdonald. Yeah, Clay Bucholz is pitching tonight but Rajon Rondo is trying to eliminate the Heat and then The Durantula is gonna lock up Kobe like he was a convicted rapist. Is that even a word? Rapist? That makes it seem like an art form or something. Like does he go into prison and call himself "a rapist" and everyone just kind of steps back because of his skills? That's something to think about all day. But this is where legends are made. Not during some regular season slug fest in Toronto. I'll check the box score, maybe flip over to it during commercials but no way am I getting into this season until the Celts are finished. I watched about 10 minutes of the game last night but I can tell you Beltre went 3-5 with 2 RBI, is batting .309 and Youk had himself a night going 3-4 to bump his average up to .299. And I think Beckett's ERA is hovering about 67.34 at this point. 8 earned runs in 3 innings will do that.

Bad News For Becks

LONDON (AP)—David Beckham’s recovery is taking longer than expected, and he does not expect to be ready to play until November. The update by the England midfielder on Monday means he will be gone from Major League Soccer this season unless the Los Angeles Galaxy reach the playoffs. The next time he could play for England probably would be a 2012 European Championship qualifier against Wales on March 26, 2011. Beckham underwent surgery in March after rupturing his Achilles’ tendon while on loan at AC Milan. He initially had been told he would be back by September.

Good, i'm glad Beckham won't be back. He's old and slow now and all he was doing was stealing Donovan's spotlight when everyone knows Donovan is the heart and soul of that team. That's what you get for being on loan at AC Milan. But what's good news for me is bad news to the MLS. Beckham brought so much publicity and fans to the MLS while he was playing. Without him all that is going to decrease. I bet he's depressed about this too, but he shouldnt be. This just means he'll get to spend some more time with that hot wife of his.

Get Me That Horse!

If baby animals are "cute," then how does one describe Einstein the newborn pinto stallion? Super-incredi-adora-cute? Weighing in at just six pounds, the New Hampshire-born foal may be the world's smallest horse.

I WANT IT!

You Can't Sell Your Kids On Craigslist?

A father in western New York is facing charges after he posted a Craigslist ad that said his children were for sale, YNN in Rochester, N.Y., reported.Josh Stagnitto said he posted the ad as a joke and didn't think anyone would take it seriously."I was looking at all the ridiculous crap on Craigslist, and I thought it would be funny if I put my kids on there because how more ridiculous can you possibly get?" he said.The ad for Stagnitto's 2- and 1-year-old said the children could be used as slaves or footstools.New York State Police say they were contacted by a child abuse hot line. They then contacted local police. Stagnitto was arrested and charged with falsely reporting an incident.Stagnitto said he regrets ever posting the ad.

I didn't think you could put anything you wanted on Craigslist but you can actually put any fucking thing you want on Craigslist. You saw a hot chick at the mall? Missed connections will fix that heartache. You wake up with a morning wood? Look no further than Casual Encounters. So I said to myself, "How can I use this fantastic website and not get arrested?" Oh, I don't know. I only run the most successful blog this side of the Farmington River and we're kind of low on staff. Did I write up a job posting on Craigslist? Yes. Yes I did.

Looking for black man with sass. Big butt, bigger heart. Gotta be able to bring it on the daily. Can you make words jump off the page and into my mouth? You're what I want. No, correction. You're what the people want. Must love to make fun of Dan Donahue. If you don't know who he is, then get to know who he is. You probably know a girl who got fucked in high back seat. No experience needed but sending a resume is a must. This 'aint some blogging club. I want high school resume, as well. Anything less than a 3.2 GPA and I'm throwing your file out of the door and letting my cat piss on it. Remember, I want you to be everything I am and everything I'm not. No gaps in this ship! We only have 4 minutes to save the world.

Fyi: I cannot pay you in cash or offer you anything that amounts to gold but what can I offer you is the best book you've ever read. It'll feel like every day of your life is breakfast in bed. Mainly because you will eat a lot of breakfast in bed.

So that's that. I'll be posting the replies if we get any.

And This Is What Getting Shit On By Ogling Ed Hochuli Looks Like

Couldn't let this one slip. He didn't get all that shit on him from jail, right?


And for those that say I hide behind a computer, I'm not too hard to find. Regulatorrrss, mount up.

This Is How Rugby Bros Greet One Another

I don't know what you call that. This aint Sparta, fellas. You don't just grab each other's forearms and think it'll go over smooth with the rest of the party. You know what dudes used to do in ancient Greece? Fuck each other. So props for looking like a gay.

Carmelo Needs Help

"The energy and intensity is not there at times," Anthony said. "We start out the game well and then for some odd reason, we turn around and we are down 10 or 11 points."Anthony converted a three-point play, then hit a 3-pointer to cut Utah's lead to 90-79, but he was called for his fifth foul with 8:45 left to play when he got tangled up with Williams while going for a rebound. Anthony pleaded to the officials while still on his back outside the lane, but there was no changing the call and he was carrying five fouls for the third straight game.Anthony sat for a couple of minutes and the Nuggets were down 98-85 when he returned. Denver put together a few more runs that got it close enough for Jazz fans to get quiet and worry, but Utah was able to hang on.Kenyon Martin and Billups scored 14 apiece for the Nuggets. Nene and J.R. Smith both had 10. Anthony and Billups were the only players for Denver to score in double figures in a loss in Game 3, so there was some improvement."I'm trying to do everything I can in my power to beat the Jazz, but at the end of the day I need some help," Anthony said. "I'm not sitting here pointing fingers at anybody, but as a unit we've got to do it together."

This is why I have a hard time warming up to a guy like 'Melo. He's a Syracuse boy and I should obviously love him but I don't and it's because he says shit like this and comes off to the public as a whiny bitch. Like I really thought he was starting to grow up and become a man but I guess I was wrong. He says he's not pointing fingers at anybody but whenever you say "I need help" and then use the term "unit" and "do better" in the next sentence it's pretty clear what you're saying. Wade would kill for a supporting cast that includes an overrated guard like Chauncey and piss poor big man in Kenyon Martin. Oh. Wait. He has that, too. That Carlos Arroyo is something else! ANYWAY. He needs help? Kids in Asia need help. Carmelo just needs an attitude adjustment. That's what I'd tell him if he was a junior in high school and I was his basketball coach/history teacher. And as he walked out of my office with his head down I'd simply say, "a shepard must tend his flock and at times...fight off the wolves."

Stephen Hawking, Meet Ogling Ed Hochuli

LONDON (AFP) – Aliens may exist but mankind should avoid contact with them as the consequences could be devastating, British scientist Stephen Hawking warned Sunday. "If aliens visit us, the outcome would be much as when Columbus landed in America, which didn't turn out well for the Native Americans," said the astrophysicist in a new television series, according to British media reports.

I'm not a scientific genius and i could have told you this. I tell people this on a regular basis but nobody listens. No, it's not important until Stephen Hawking says it. Ive seen way too many movies and read too many books where aliens come and ruin our crops and pillage our towns. I would be absolutely terrified. Because i guarantee you that these are not little E.T. type aliens. They'll be the "War of the Worlds" aliens that shoot heat rays and build giant machines and stuff. You dont want to mess around with them.

This Is Like a Dream I Had....

So that's what Tom Terrific looks like in the off-season? Good lord. Really taking care of yourself, dude. Looks like a younger version of Barry Melrose or something. At least Becks still has it together.

Scott Sicko Is Not a Charity Case

Can you retire without ever getting drafted? UNH tight end Scott Sicko essentially did that Saturday after he failed to get taken on day three of the draft. He had numerous offers from teams such as the Jaguars and Jets. His agents even had a deal agreed to with the Cowboys at one point. But Sicko surprised his agents and the Cowboys with his response. If he wasn't drafted, he didn't want to play football. The Cowboys tried to personally appeal to Sicko, but it didn't work. "If I were to be drafted I would have had more confidence of a much longer career in the NFL," Sicko told the Albany Times-Union. "I have to look at my life and decide what will make me the happiest. And the thing that will make me the happiest now and in the long run is to pursue my education."

Uhh his name is Scott Sicko? I think it's pretty obvious he's going to join the WWE and become the new bad boy in wrestling. You've been blessed with a name like that, your cards are already on the table for you. Now it's world title or bust for him. And he's in good company with failed college football players who turned into wrestlers. I know of a guy named Bill Goldberg. Oh, and The Rock. Maybe you've heard of them. But the bottom line is this kid has it right. Sometimes you gotta know know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away and know when to run.

Josh Elliot and Ryen Russilo Love Average Looking Blonde Chicks

Just one of the perks of being facebook friends with Ryen Russilo from ESPN.

Torres Needs To Man Up

Liverpool striker Fernando Torres is fearful that he will sustain long-term injuries if he keeps playing in the Premier League. The Spanish international has endured an injury-ridden season and his status for the World Cup this summer could be in doubt as he needs surgery to make certrain he is fit for South Africa. Torres has scored 18 goals in 22 Premier League games during 2009-10, but injuries have prematurely ended his campaign and he is worried he will suffer frequent stints on the sidelines if he keeps playing in England. "The Premier League is such a tough competition and I have always admired this championship and the players who are here,” Torres told The News of the World.

I liked Torres a lot, but after hearing this, i dont know what to think. He wants to leave the Premier League because it's too tough. That's ridiculous. It's like every players dream to play in England, and he's ready to throw it all away. Does he really not realize that there's a risk of injury anywhere he plays. And in my opinion, i'd rather say i suffered an injury playing against the best players in the world in the Premier League than against some scrubs somewhere else. I dont know, it's just one of those things. He is one of the great players in the league and he'll probably regret leaving if he does. All i know is, one pep talk from Packard, and leaving would never cross his mind again.

Does Laughing At This Make Me Cold?

That's Young Joc in the glasses, right?

B-Roy Is Such a Dude.

PORTLAND, Ore. -- Brandon Roy was so antsy to return to the Trail Blazers that he campaigned via text message to coach Nate McMillan. "Coach, I think I should play," he texted on the eve of Saturday's playoff game against the Phoenix Suns.Luckily for the Blazers, McMillan agreed.Roy was activated Saturday, then helped Portland to a 96-87 victory that evened the first-round series at two games apiece.Eight days removed from arthroscopic surgery on his right knee, Roy made his surprising return to the court to the strains of the theme from "Rocky" blaring from the Rose Garden sound system, then went on hit a key 3-pointer late in the game that shifted the momentum squarely in the Trail Blazers' favor."I just didn't feel right sitting in the training room knowing that I could contribute -- so I just had to keep begging coach," Roy said afterward.

I don't why I didn't blog about this yesterday because I was watching the game and it was awesome. Just awesome. I'm convinced Brandon Roy is the toughest motherfucker in the country right now. He's on the Jack Bauer level of being a dude. He doesn't get the attention that he deserves either. Great player, great teammate, he's classy and he's one of the last guys who truly gives a shit about the outcome of every game. Everything you'd want in your franchise guy and president of student council.I don't remember who the president of the student council was when I was in high school and that's a problem. Way to make an impact, asshole. Really lived up to your pre-election promises.

Don't Look Now But Kobe Just Shit His Pants

Durant scored 22 points, Russell Westbrook added 18 points and eight rebounds, and the Thunder evened the first-round series against the Los Angeles Lakers with a 110-89 victory in Game 4 on Saturday night "A lot of people didn't expect us to be here and once we got here, people were saying we were going to get swept and a lot of different things," Durant said. "We knew what we were capable of and how hard we play every day and how hard we practice every day."With those attributes, I think that we can go far as a team. It's all on us. We control our own destiny at this point."

I thought the Lakers were supposed to repeat? Like they were unstoppable or something. Hmmm. Weird. They say it's not a series until the home team loses and that's when things get interesting but fuck that. As Herbert Hoover once said after the Dam was built, "Fuck yeah this is real life, bitch!" The Lakers are terrified. They thought they had this mental edge over the Thunder because they're the defending champs and Kobe raped a girl once but not anymore. They just can't keep up with the Thunder. They wanna get into this half court offense and The Thunder run all over them, preventing LA anytime to set up. It's like watching a bunch of young guys play the 35 year old dudes in pick-up. The washed up crew wants to set ball screens and pound it in while I just wanna be the swing guy running the baseline to promote ball movement. Yes, I would be The Durantula in this scenario.

OMG.

The paper reports that NFL Network analyst Steve Mariucci, who also was the quarterbacks coach for the Green Bay Packers when Favre started his career there, recently said that he had talked to Favre and the quarterback is still on the fence on whether he'll come back or not.

I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU. How many years in a row are you gonna pull this shit, Favre?

Jose Aldo Wants To Keep His Belt

Urijah Faber used to be the king of featherweight mountain. After his WEC 48 fight against current 145 champ Jose Aldo, Faber is lucky if he could take two steps up that mountain without falling down in excrutiating pain. The Brazilian landed a bevy of nasty leg kicks in the first three rounds and sealed the win in the fourth when he got Faber in a crucifix and pounded away.

I never would have seen this coming. Faber's top 20 in the world and Aldo just opened up a can of good ol' fashion whoop ass on him. "In all, Aldo landed 64 punches and 27 elbows to Faber's unprotected head." Ouchies. There's something seriously wrong with these guys to be able to give, and take beatings like that.

Clausen Goes 48th.

Clausen fell to the 48th pick in the draft when many people thought he could go first. Its a shame really. He must feel like the kid that gets picked last for kickball in fifth grade, or me when i get told im fired when it was actually just a cruel joke. Its happened about 3 times now. Anyways, i dont think Clausen should worry about it too much. Bottom line is that at the end of the day, he's a pro football player getting paid millions of dollars a year. He'll get his chance, just look at Tom Terrific. Best of luck to you, Jimmy.

This Is Why We're Proud To Claim Him As One of Our Own

HULL, England -- American forward Jozy Altidore will miss Hull's last two matches of the Premier League season after he was ejected for head butting an opponent. Altidore got the red card in the 50th minute of Saturday's 1-0 home defeat to Sunderland for a clash with Sunderland defender Alan Hutton. Hutton threw the ball at Altidore, and the 20-year-old responded with a head butt. A red card for violent conduct earns a three-match ban. Hutton also was sent off.

Head butts are unique to soccer and I have no idea why. You'd think guys like KG would do this to players instead of throwing the cheap elbow. It's like the ultimate "fuck you, I'm the alpha dog out here bitch." Someone throws an elbow or a punch and the rest of the team is gonna get involved. If you spit on somebody, you're probably going to get your ass kicked and rightfully so. But when a dude heat butts another player? It's like "whoa. Look out." I've seen it. Blake Heredia hit a kid so hard in the mouth with his head sophomore year I thought I was gonna get blood on my jersey and I was 12 feet away. What did we all do after this? Nothing. I stood there with the other 20 guys on the field and looked shocked because that's all you can do when you see a head butt in full action. It's awesome.

Kids Steal 116 Pound Tortoise

ALBANY, Vt. -- A 116-pound African tortoise has returned home after being stolen from its enclosure on a Vermont farm. The 20-year-old tortoise vanished April 11 from Peter Lowry's barn in Albany. It was located after a call Thursday from a woman who said she knew where the tortoise was. Lowry says the woman led him to a Craftsbury mobile home where the tortoise was being kept by a man who'd been asked by a teenage boy to watch it. The man didn't know the tortoise was stolen. Lowry says he and police know who took the animal. But no one has been charged. The farmer plans to install surveillance cameras in the barn where the tortoise's pen is located. Lowry, who also keeps macaws, cockatoos and snakes, calls the tortoise's saga "a very odd tale with a very happy ending."

Only in Vermont would you find a farm that houses a tortoise, snakes and cockatoos. Just a totally different breed up there. You can always pick a Vermont guy out of the group, too. Probably because they're the worst looking one and they don't give a fuck. I have a hard time figuring out why the poor turtle got stolen. In a way I get it. You show up to a party with that thing as your +1 and you're guaranteed to get laughs all night and that's what I'm all about. But like going on a camping trip, it turned out to be a terrible idea. Camping fucking sucks. Yeah, right now if you told me we were gonna go out with all our friends, away from everyone and drink beers and eat burgers and toss the frisbee around I would be all for it. You know when I'm not all for it? Tomorrow morning when I wake up hung over and I realize I smell like shit and I'm dirty and I'm sleeping on the fucking ground with rocks jabbing me in the ass and there's 3 inches separating me from the chick who puked 4 hours before. So stealing the mega tortoise probably seemed awesome at the time when they were bored but when you got Pete Lowry the python wrangler on your ass looking for his Mona Lisa, it's a different story.

Somebody Draft Justin Bieber! Now!

That's what the body of a teen heartthrob looks like these days? AC Slater's abs are crying right now.

Aaron Hernandez To The Pats? Yup! Yes! Yes Sirrrrr!!!

This dude looked like an All American taking passes from Tim Tebow. What's he gonna look like when Tom Terrific is feeding him with Super Bowl Rings? In the words of the late great president, Millard Fillmore, "What a fucking steal!" I believe he said that after he signed the Fugitive Slave Act.

Hey Miami, Now How Does Our Ass Taste

I don't know what's worse. Losing by 29 or letting Paul Pierce just step into his sweet spot and drain the game winning basket in your face while D-Wade sits on the bench and gets his vagina massaged. Yeah, I'm gonna go with the second one. The only other thing I would have asked is that Pierce did the Happy Gilmore celebration at mid-court. Doin' the bull dance, feelin' the flow, workin' it, workin' it.

14 Year Old Caught Stripping

DETROIT -- The manager of a Detroit strip club faces a felony charge after police said he hired a 14-year-old girl as a topless dancer, Detroit TV station WDIV reported. Andrew Hutson, 31, has been charged with child sexually abusive activity, a 20-year-felony."The facts alleged in this case are truly disturbing because this is exploitation of a young female at the most base level," Wayne County Prosecutor Kym Worthy said. "Our youth are not some cheap commodity to be used and cast aside. We are sending a clear message that if you hire underage women you will face criminal charges."Investigators said the girl worked at The All Star Topless Bar several nights a week for the past two months.The girl's mother told police she has had a hard time controlling her daughter. She also said the girl suffers from mental retardation.

Let's not be so quick to attack the manager here. He's got a job and that's to put titties on the bar and asses in the seats. Does that make him a bad guy? No. But does hiring a 14 year old girl with mental retardation make him a bit of a scum bag? Uh yeah. We don't know all the facts but I'd have a hard time believing that this dude went out and offered the job to her. Which means little miss thing over here. playing victim and all that shit is really just a whore with no morals like every other stripper up there. And don't try to change my mind on that because there isn't any other person I have less respect for than strippers. Like they shouldn't even be able to vote with their decision making skills. Having said that, I'd much rather watch True Life: I'm a 14 year old slut bag than True Life: I Hate My Face. It would also make a fantastic 16 and Pregnant episode. Something to think about.

This Is Called Getting Kicked When You're Down

Yuucckkkkkkk. She looks like Haley Joel Osment in the Sixth Sense. Or a lesbian.

I Still Don't Understand How This Guy Got Drafted

After trading down twice, the Denver Broncos traded up in the draft to take Tim Tebow with the Ravens' 25th pick. The selection of the Florida quarterback drew the loudest reaction -- a mix of cheers and boos -- from the audience. Denver gave up picks in the second, third and fourth rounds. "I want to be a great quarterback," Tebow said. " ... For the next few years, my mindset is going to be to repay [Broncos head coach Josh McDaniels] for what he did for me, believing in me. Just like it was when I was at Florida. My biggest joy was doing things for Coach [Urban] Meyer, winning championships, being able to help him." Tebow was the third Florida player chosen -- and by far the most controversial selection. A winner for four years with the Gators, including two national championships, his unorthodox style and strange throwing motion made for widely divided opinions on him. Although it's highly unlikely he'll be the starting quarterback in five months' time, Tebow will begin his NFL career Sept. 12 in his hometown of Jacksonville when the Broncos play the Jaguars in their season opener.

Does Denver really think Tebow is going to play? They just wasted a first round pick on a dude that might never throw a football in the NFL. I understand these scouts have a lot more knowledge about football than me but it doesn't take a Jon Gruden type mind to watch Tebow throw a pass and know that he sucks. They say he's gonna be a great locker room guy but so what? You could go get some homeless dude off the street who loves your franchise to be a great locker room guy. He'll walk around smack everyone's ass after practice. Like I'm legitimately pissed off that Tebow got drafted so high. I heard Gruden say last night that he's gonna be someone who runs through players and gets the first down and inspires everyone. Cool. That's exactly what I want out of my fullback, not my 3rd string QB who started to fix his throwing motion 2 months ago after every scout told him he was a shit passer. At the end of the day I think this was all just an ego trip for Josh McDaniels. He thinks because he built Matt Cassel into a QB, he can now fix Tebow. You can take that to the bank. McDaniels wants to fuck Tim Tebow.

A-Roid Just Being an Asshole Again

After Cano grounded into an inning-ending double play, Braden and Rodriguez got into it."The long and short of it is it's pretty much baseball etiquette. He should probably take a note from his captain over there," Braden said, referring to Yankees leader Derek Jeter, "because you don't run across the pitcher's mound in between an inning or during the game. I was just dumbfounded that he would let that slip his mind.""I was just trying to convey to him that I was still out there, that ball's in my hand and that's my pitcher's mound. If he wants to run across the pitcher's mound, tell him to go do laps in the bullpen," he said.Braden yelled over his right shoulder as he stepped across the third-base line and Rodriguez hollered back. The two kept screaming at each other until A's manager Bob Geren went out and walked Braden off the field.Braden threw his glove against a wall in the Oakland dugout and kicked a stack of cups."He just told me to get off his mound," Rodriguez said. "I was a little surprised. I've never quite heard that, especially from a guy that has a handful of wins in his career. I've never even heard of that in my career and I still don't know. I thought it was pretty funny, actually."The 26-year-old Braden (3-0), with a 17-21 lifetime record, was hardly laughing after helping end the Yankees' six-game winning streak."I'm not really a speck on that guy's radar but he'll know after today that it might not be a good idea to run across the mound when I'm out there," Braden said. "It's not like I throw 95 [mph] and I'm going to hurt him. He'll know I was there, though."Asked if Rodriguez said he was sorry, Braden said no.

Oh shut the fuck up. I hate when people challenge A-rod or when A-rod tries to take somebody on. Both of these guys have no balls and that's the bottom line. A-rod literally has no balls because of the steroids and Braden is a pitcher so he would rather play house than play rough. I love how A-roid tries to act like the bigger man in this situation but still throws around things like "I've never heard that from a guy with a handfull of wins." Zing! Oh, those words are daggers in the baseball world. He's a real tough guy, that Alex. Wouldn't wanna get bitch slapped by him as he runs down the first base line or shouted at while I try to catch a pop up at third. I bet he sent shivers down Braden's spine when he stepped across that rubber.