The NBA season is kind of like jerking off. At first it’s really fun and exciting, but then suddenly you run out of new porn sites and start seeing the same stuff over and over. Then you find a new site (the playoffs) and jerking off is even better than in the beginning! Everybody and their dead grandma knows the regular season of the NBA is about as pointless as all women sports. Near the end of the season teams literally stop giving a shit and you see the Bucks start beating the Heat. Then the playoffs start and everybody is playing as hard as Jenna Jameson’s nipples. But seriously, this is a great time of the year and since the NBA is my (Joseph) Forte, here’s my analysis and picks.
Okay, yea, I'm really excited for the playoffs.
Eastern Conference:
(1) Chicago Bulls vs. (8) Indiana Pacers:
Not much to talk about here as the Bulls will roll through the Pacers. Obviously led by the almost consensus MVP Derrick Rose, the Bulls look like they might actually deserve the best seed in the NBA. A team that was rarely fully healthy all season (both Noah and Boozer missed serious time), the Bulls looked fantastic near the end of the season. Really can’t even see the Pacers winning a game in this match-up, even with my main man Tyler Hansbrough putting up great numbers. Rose will probably average 35 points a game and the Bulls will win in three games. Not a typo, Stern will cancel the 4th game because the Bulls have outscored the Pacers by 500,000 points in the first three games.
Bulls in 3
(2) Miami Heat vs. (7) Philadelphia 76ers
Clinching the two seed was huge for the Big Two and Chris Bosh because they avoided the interesting Knickerbockers and gave them a much easier series with the 76ers. The Sixers had a fantastic second half of the season and are led by a great coach in Doug Collins. Elton Brand is playing his best basketball in years and Andre Igodula has shown he has a great perimeter defender and offensive threat. But unfortunately the Heat have two random guys by the name of LeBron James and Dwayne Wade sooooo yeah, I’m taking the Heat.
Heat in 5
(3) Boston Celtics vs. (6) New York Knicks
Oh goodness now we’re getting excited, this is definitely the most exciting first round match up in the East. The Knicks sold their entire team to get the best player in the league (I’m Melo bias) Carmelo Anthony and since have had an interesting season. They play absolutely no defense and in D’Antoni’s system they will simply try and outscore every team. With that being said, the Celtics look terrible. It seems the Perkins trade really shook the team on and off the court. Apparently he was Rondo’s best friend and he has been a shade of the player he was before the trade. They are a year older and certainly look it. With the firepower the Knicks have, either Melo or Amare could get hot and carry that team to victories; this series could easily go into seven games. So with all that, I’m picking the Celtics. Last year I picked the Heat over the Celtics in the first round because of how bad the C’s were playing. Instead the Celtics were a game and an injury away from winning the NBA Championship. I’m not making that mistake again.
Celtics in 7
(4) Orlando Magic vs. (5) Atlanta Hawks
I have no idea what to make of the Hawks. They seem like they’re going to forever been happy with being a playoff team and getting destroyed in the first round. They overpaid an incredibly overrated player in Joe Johnson in the offseason and have done nothing to deserve any credit in the NBA. They’re lazy and show very little interest on defense. Al Horford, who started the season on a tear, has fallen off in the second half of the season. I’m not impressed with the Magic team (plus I bet a kid 20 bucks the Magic wouldn’t the East. What an idiot, who takes the Magic against the field?). I think when Dwight Howard wants to play he can be the most dominant player in the NBA and he’ll probably decide to give half a shit in the postseason.
Magic in 5
Western Conference:
(1) San Antonio Spurs vs. (8) Memphis Grizzlies
I need to say first off that I hate the Spurs. I think they’re boring and play like a bunch of pussies. All season I think they have been overrated and if they get out of this series, which I do believe is an if, then there is no way they make it out of the second round. The Grizzlies have a chance of giving the Spurs a bit of trouble. Manu’s elbow is hurt and without him the Spurs offense looks incredibly average. I do think Duncan will play much better in the playoffs; he has a great wisdom of pacing himself in the regular season and dominating in the playoffs. I do think the Spurs will win this, but expect it to be a tough series.
Spurs in 6
(2) Los Angeles Lakers vs (7) New Orleans Hornets
Kobe Bryant hit a huge shot in their last game of the season to force a win in a seemingly meaningless game against the Kings to clinch the second seed. Suddenly instead of facing a very tough Portland team, they’re gift-wrapped a poor New Orleans team even poorer without David West. The Lakers won all four games against the Hornets this season when the Hornets did have West. This should be a cake walk for the defending champs and unless Paul really gets hot and exposes the weak Lakers’ point guards, the Lakers sweep the Hornets easily.
Lakers in 4
(3) Dallas Mavericks vs. (6) Portland Trailblazers
There’s always those upset picks that become so popular to “experts” that they become a fad and lose their appeal. This is one of those upsets. The Mavs look incredibly weak behind Dirk; Jason Terry can never be fully trusted, Jason Kidd shoots a negative percantage from three-point land and Tyson Chandler looks lost on the offensive side. Don’t get me wrong, Dirk is certainly the best player in the series, but it could be argued that the Blazers have the next best five or six players. I really like LaMarcus Aldrige and see him having a breakout series to really show he deserved an All-Star berth this year. This may be a popular upset pick, but I’m going with it.
Blazers in 6
(4) Oklahoma City Thunder vs. (5) Denver Nuggets
This series could give a hell of a run for most exciting series of the playoffs. The Nuggets have looked like a new team since trading away the best player in the league (again, bias). They’re an incredibly deep team and play with a ton of energy in every game. They’re tough to beat at home and can easily give the favored Thunder a run for their money. The Thunder will have a tough time playing as the favorites this season, no longer viewed as the serious underdog of the league. They made a huge improvement in getting Perkins at the deadline who is a fantastic defender. What worries me about the Nuggets is they still don’t have a go-to scorer in the late games. Without Melo, they really rely on one guy getting hot and carrying their team to a victory. The Thunder don’t have that problem, either Durant or Westbrook can create their own shots and make clutch plays. Those two are the difference for me.
Thunder in 6
Second Round:
(1) Chicago Bulls in 6 vs. (4) Orlando Magic
(2) Miami Heat in 7 vs. (3) Boston Celtics
(4) Oklahoma City Thunder in 5 vs. (1) San Antonio Spurs
(2) Los Angeles Lakers in 6 vs. (6) Portland Trailblazers
Conference Finals:
(3) Miami Heat in 7 vs. (1) Chicago Bulls
(4) Oklahoma City Thunder in 6 vs. (2) Los Angeles Lakers
NBA Finals:
(2) Miami Heat in 6 vs. (4) Oklahoma City Thunder
Shocker? Maybe. I just think if this Heat team can get in a groove then they’re unbeatable. The 1-2 punch of Bron Bron and DWade trumps any other match up in the NBA. If Bosh can even play half decent than the Heat can beat anyone. They’re solid defensively and sooner or later have to figure out what to do in the clutch minutes. Teams can’t let Wade and James get hot cause if they do, watch out for the most-hated team in America to become the best NBA team.
These playoffs have the potential of being one of the best of all time. The second round matchups are all mouth watering games and will make for can’t miss TV. These games will all come down to the wire and should provide for great television.
Also, not only are NBA playoffs better than NHL, their commercials blow them out of the water.
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