-Dustin's crazy bipolar/drug addict mom calls and she actually sounds like a lot of dudes I know from Burlington. Like one second they're telling you about all the great shit they're about to do and how they're clean and you nod along like "yeahhh bro good for you!" Then you remember when they said they were joining the coast guard 2 years ago but they're still doing the same shit they were doing in high school. Oh, and then later they go to Haiti to help out after the earthquake and everybody acts like this dude is so changed and bullshit but then you take a step back to look at it like this. He has no job, he's not in school, his parents hate him, every relationship he's ever been in turns abusive. You're kind of a dickhead if you don't go volunteer to help with disaster relief, right? Do I still have to name a name or is it clear who I'm talking about?
-Adam calls because apparently he's not back in prison yet and he tells Nani that Dustin did porn and everybody on the internet is talking about it.
-It's clearly a big deal this kid used to do porn but they're all reacting like it's a bigger deal that his porn name was Spencer which is understandable. If I'm getting paid to blow a guy, my porn name better put asses in the seats.
-Now Heather's mom E-mails her that Dustin used to do porn. If there's one person you don't want e-mailing you that your boyfriend/girlfriend use to do porn, it's your mom. Take it from me. Wait what?
-Now Dustin knows that Heather knows about his past porn life. So what does he do? Confront it head on like a man and tell the roommates? Nope. Runs to Subway.
-MTV runs a promo for Teen Wolf in the commercial break and the slogan goes something like "What's happening to me? What if she finds out?" Well played.
-Dustin comes back from Subway and tension is tight. He explains his porn past to Heather with, "Basically after high school I was approached by a guy that owned a website. You live your live but you have a webcam follow you everywhere. I don't know I'm not good at explaining this." Really? You're not good at explaining this? You jacked dicks in front of an audience and that's the only explanation you could come up with?
-I hate that Heather cries for 70% of this episode. Not cool.
-The rest of the episode is pretty much what you'd expect. The roomies freaking out and pissed Dustin didn't tell them from the beginning but I don't really understand why? I don't even tell people what I did yesterday because it's none of their business. Definitely wouldn't tell them if I was taking pipe from a gay named Tyler.
-Heather. Call me. I've never kissed a dude and I don't have any dark secrets that will shock you. I'll even bare my soul right here. I've been in 4 fights in my entire life, I've had bouts with anxiety, I have a killer mid range jump shot, I plan on dominating the game of golf by 23, I only work hard at things I'm good at(which means your vagina somehow), I'm secretly super sensitive, I have a weird defect in my heart that keeps it consistently broken, people have told me I remind them of Jim Halpert, I really like bracelets and shit, in a way I'm still convinced I'm adopted, You'd never say I'm a people person though I aspire to be one but most importantly I'd really love to get all up in that ass. Don't say I'm not brutally honest.
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