Real World Episode 6? 5? 8? Live Blog

-Before we start fucking over words, let's catch up since episode 2. Adam was kicked out of the hotel and off the show. Apparently you can't get out of control drunk and start smashing bottles and frames inside the house. Whatever. Sorry for being awesome is how I'd chalk it up. Dustin and Heather are dating 100%, Mike is still boring, Nani revealed she used to get beat up by her dad and the other brown skinned chick is banging Leeroy, and some bitch broke my heart yesterday via text message. In the words of the poet known as Justin Bieber, "We're just friends? What are you sayin'?" I'm gonna die alone.


-New roomie named Cooke. This aint Jersey Shore, you bitch. We have names on the Real World. She describes herself as a "fierce athlete who wrecks bitches and is absolutely boy crazy." 

-Cooke is gonna be sharing a room with Dustin. I wonder if they'll bone like it's "Frat Pad." By the way, I googled "frat pad, dustin from the real world." I wouldn't do this on any computer but your own or else you'll have a ton of questions to answer.

-Heather's cuteness level has gone up to like 15. I'd marry her yesterday.

-Cooke tells the roommates that she has problems making friends with girls and is a huge tomboy. In other words, I'm a bitch so girls don't like me and only guys tolerate me because I fuck them. That's a fact. If a girl says she likes to hang out with and be friends with dudes it's because she's fucking at least 3 of them.

-Dustin claims he's in a pickle because he has a smoking hot girlfriend and the new bitchy roommate said she wants to blow him. Real pickle, bro. Tough life. Probably not as tough as living on frat prad with a bunch of gay dudes and having gay sex but that's another episode for another day

-Dustin sounds exactly like Terrel Owens when he's pissed off.

-Cooke is whispering in Leroy's ear at the club and the brown chick gets all pissed off because that's her meat. I smell a bilingual blood fest in the works.

-Seriously what's the brown chicks name? Nivea?Naiomi? Niaomi? Niomi? Steven?

-The two hispanic broads bring their anger back from the club and want to start shit with Cooke. As a fellow white person, I'm terrified for this bitch.

-If a girl ever says the words, "I'm not drunk, bro! You are!" She's hammered. Girls drop like 4 hot points when they use words that I use. Don't say "my dude, bro, cunt muscle, oh  fuck my ass or turkish tit swimler."

-Huge yelling match ensues between Cooke and the 2 girls. I don't know what the fuck they're yelling about. At a young age I learned to tune out female voices when they go above a certain decibel.


-blah, blah, heather and cooke make up and everything looks jolly and then WHAM, MTV hits us with scenes from the next half of the season. I had a legitimate OH SNAP! moment.

Real World XXV: Vegas - MTV Shows