Inspired.

NEW YORK -- Did a calico cat from New Jersey swim across New York Harbor? The mystery surrounds a white, orange and black feline that arrived last weekend on Governors Island in New York. Security guards found the cat on the island's north shore. Its fur was salty, matted and caked with seaweed. A Governors Island spokeswoman, Elizabeth Rapuano, tells the Daily News that workers there have a theory: They think the cat managed to swim to safety after being swept up in torrential rains in New Jersey. That's over a mile (two kilometers) away.

My cat saw me reading this story then immediatly put on his swimming goggles and started filling up the bath tub for training. He's not about to let some calico jack show him up on Easter Sunday. No way, not while he still has all 9 lives left. But doesn't this seriously put some shit into perspective for you? Oh, you have a test on monday that will be the death of you? Studying is killing you? Fuck you, pussy. Sack the fuck up. Take your precious art project and jam it up your ass with a box of tampons. Calico Jack just swam across the New York Harbor with nothing but his balls and his word and I didn't even hear a single meow.