What a fucking year it's been. Just think in exactly 19 days, Ogling Ed Hochuli will be exactly 1 year old. Just 2 young men trying to make sense of the world, armed with nothing but an iron cock, the resilience of a bullet proof tiger and enough will to wake the dead(porno?). But what's the real point of this blog? To teach you things. So in light of the new year and brand new opportunities to make life altering mistakes, Let's look back at all we have learned.
1) I don't know if this was a 2009 dinger but when did society decide it was OK for girls to walk around wearing nothing but a t-shirt and leggings? It's like let's just skip the sweet talk and see that ass. Thanks, ladies.
2) It's gotta be the year of the Avery. He sums up everything this blog is about. From tragedy to triumph. In the last 8 months alone he went from being banished from the NHL to rehabbing his temper in Hartford to back on top of the world in New York. And has he really changed at all? Nope.
3) It took me 5 minutes to remember who was in the final 4 last year and at least 2 to remember that Orlando played LA in the finals. My point is that 3 years down the road, nobody gives a fuck how close you came to being a winner. Remember that.
4) I'm still grieving over the loss of the King of Pop.
5) Tiger Woods reminded us all just how awesome men are capable of being. They say he was such a bad cheater but wasn't he really a good cheater? It's not like he got caught with 2 chicks. He hit that tree and like 15 ladies woke up. Too funny.
6) Tom Brady and Giselle gave birth to a baby boy. Or as he's also known as, the second coming of Jesus Christ.
7) HBO premiered Eastbound and Down, ESPN debuted 30 for 30, Fox threw out glee, poor excuses for a writer gave girls with too many feelings a story about vampires and Donahue gave your 12 year old cousin herpes. Really had to read to get that punch line.
8) You know how they used to say that if you get nervous to imagine people in their panties? Well I decided that it should be changed to jean shorts.
9) I know the Real World just premiered tonight but one of the kids is a virgin which just proves my theory that 50% of virgins are gay.
10) Remember when Chris Brown beat the fuck out of Rihanna?
11) Remember when Charles Barkeley got a DUI and he said he was trying to find a girl for the best BJ he ever had?
12) Remember when Plaxico shot himself in the leg?
13) Remember when 2009 was the year that black people set their race back 100 years? Barack was seen nodding his head after he read that
14) But the Sham wow got arrested for punching a hooker. That's called putting a whore in the right place because let's be honest, prostitutes/strippers throw any self respect and dignity out the window when they join that work force.
15) Some say love is a razor that leaves your soul to bleed.
16) I say love it is a flower, and you, its only seed.
17)I guess Brittany Murph died. Kinda sad, I guess. But kinda saw that coming. Hopefully she's rollin' with the homies(5 points for clueless reference).
18) The cast of Jersey Shore came in at the tail end of 2009 but they might take the cake as the most fascinating people of the year. You know how Barbara Walters does that shit on ABC where she interviews her 10 favorite celebrities of the year? Well I'm gonna do that with The Situation and Pauly D. He's your girlfriend's favorite DJ so it's a must.
19) Keep fuckin' that chicken!
20) I can't remember anything else that happened. Some would say that's a good sign of being awesome.
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