The Federal Bureau of Investigation will release 333 pages of Michael Jackson's formerly-classified file on Monday morning. Can we interest you in a little light reading? The documents will relate to his 1993 and 2004 child molestation cases -- as well as any case Michael Jackson was the victim of ... including threats and extortion attempts. Nothing about Dr. Conrad Murray or Michael's death will be in the files. Our guess -- the extortion attempts will be the most interesting.
This is terrific. I haven't eagerly anticipated this type of reading since The Situation told the world on facebook that he was gonna write a book on how to almost hook up with chicks but let them sneak away at the last second. Does the FBI do this for everyone that dies? I hope they don't do this with me. No, I don't have a file but I hope to have one some day. I don't want to die without any scars if you catch my drift. What does it take to get the FBI after you? Like at what point do they step in and say, "hey, this guy is no fucking joke. Better open up a file on." Dan Donahue must have file, right? I'm not kidding when I say he qualifies as a sexual predator.
P.S. Lil Wayne's Rebirth just leaked. If you want to have any respect for him after this release do not listen to it. My ears are bleeding.
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