Jets and Giants Fans Have Something To Be Excited About

Your season is in the shitter. That's the bottom line. Don't you dare tell me that the Patriots are in trouble because you'll end up looking like a fucking moron. What did we beat the Cardinals by last year? Like 56-0 or some bullshit like that and those assholes were 1 minute away from hoisting the Lombardi trophy. We still got a lot of mojo in our tanks. Anyway, that's not the point I'm trying to get at. Forget about your failed seasons and tune into Jersey Shore. I just caught the first episode from DVR and it did everything for me except dissappoint. I just wanna go through some important bullet points from our first episode.

- A lot of hair. A lot of fake tan. A lot of guidos.

-Mike AKA "The Situation." All that's need to be said.

-The Paulie D. kid is actually 29 years old soooo that's not creepy or anything.

-Nicole AKA Snooki is accepting guido applications. I don't think anyone knows her name though. They all call her a mix between snickers, snooks,snicks, snoogie, shnickers or shnooger.

-All these guys got popcorn muscles. There's a solid 4 second shot of them trying to shoot a basketball and it's absolutely hilarious.

-Sammi aka "sweetheart" is the only tolerable chick. Is it just me or is it weird how every person has another name like it's flavor of love or something.

-Apparently making out with your roommate on multiple occasions is not considered cheating on your boyfriend. I guess you expect that type of thinking from a bitch who introduces herself as "Jwow"

-Ronnie is the best. Hands down. The kid is way too funny. No censor on his mouth. "When I bring girls back here, she might melt in her pants." Thata boy. Way to make a good first impression on your new roommates. He wants to "pound out every girl in seaside"

-The greatest quote of television history = "I feel like this is beneath me. I'm a bartender. I do great things." Amen, girlfriend.

-Pink eye. Yes. And it had to happen to the one kid who isn't juicing out of mind. Must suck to be the only fat kid. I guess it's what Sellberg feels like.

-Who's idea was it to get these guests a duck phone that quacks when you put it down? Once again, hilarious. Well done, MTV.

-I hate the fucking situation.