"I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior I engaged in." "[My wife] Elin and I have started the process of discussing the damage caused by my behavior. As Elin pointed out to me, my real apology to her will not come in the form of words; it will come from my behavior over time." "I have made you question who I am and how I could have done the things I did. I am embarrassed that I have put you in this position. For all that I have done, I am so sorry." "I was unfaithful. I had affairs. I cheated. What I did was unacceptable and I am the only person to blame." "I thought I could get away with whatever I wanted to. I felt that I had worked hard my entire life and deserved to enjoy all the temptations around me. I felt I was entitled. Thanks to money and fame, I didn't have to go far to find them." "I was wrong. I was foolish. I don't get to play by different rules. The same boundaries that apply to everyone apply to me. I brought this shame on myself. I hurt my wife, my kids, my mother, my wife's family, my friends, my foundation, and kids all around the world who admired me." "Elin never hit me that night or any other night ... Elin has shown enormous grace and poise throughout this ordeal. Elin deserves praise not blame." "Some people have made up things that never happened. They said I used performance-enhancing drugs. This is completely and utterly false." "I do plan to return to golf one day, I just don't know when that day will be. I don't rule out that it will be this year. When I do return, I need to make my behavior more respectful of the game." "Today I want to ask for your help. I ask you to find room in your heart to one day believe in me again."
1. Enter the stage to the song "It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday." Leave it with "Doesn't Mean Anything" by Alicia Keyes.
2. Cry, cry, cry, cry, cry and cry hard.
3. Don't sound like a robot. Or look like you rehearsed the speed a dozen times.
4. Tell everybody to fuck off. Say you do get to play by your own rules because you're the only game in town worth playing. And all the female members of the press who criticize you are only doing it because they're jealous that they haven't gotten a taste of the blasian minx. Then put on a pair of sun glasses, announce you'll return to golf whenever the fuck you want and if anybody is interested you'll be renting out the VIP lounge at the viper room next saturday.
5. When it doubt, tell the world you're a born again buddhist. Oh wait. He did that? I bet you're gonna tell me he went off on some tangent about the claim that he used performance enhancing drugs. WHAT?!?! He did that too?
No comments:
Post a Comment