There's Already Been 2 Episodes Of The Real World And I Haven't Live Blogged It? Shame On Me. You're So Lucky I'm On Jerry Springer This Week

Did I live blog New Orleans last season? I really don't remember. I know I live blogged D.C.  but maybe I did New Orleans? Was that the season where the girl used to get abused when she was younger and one of the guys went to rehab for a drug problem and another dude got thrown off because everybody hated him and he acted like a fucking faggot all season but he was actually straight and fueded with the real gay guy?. Oh. That's every season? Anyway, let's get after Vegas.


-7 new members. 2 black people, 1 Dominican broad with a boyfriend, 1 guy who was in juve(oohh scary!), a plain jane dude named Mike, one angel looking girl who I want to marry ASAP, and the southern gentleman with delicious abs(his backstory is insane). That about covers it.



-Heather says Dustin has swagger for a white boy. In other words, she used to bang black dudes like it was going out of style. Dustin says Heather is an angel. I agree 100%.

-Heather says she's only been in a relationship with 2 people and has only has sex with 2 people. Have I mentioned she's adorable? #PutARingOnIt

-Nani tells her boyfriend that it sucks she can't hook  up with the kid from juve. Here's a tip. There's about 100 other things you should tell your boyfriend and that's not one of them.

-Adam(juve kid) gets wicked hammered. Smashes a bottle, kicks a bouncer. Whatever.

-Heather says if you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do a lot of things. OH REALLY?!?! I must've missed that the last 21 years of my life.

-Dustin and Heather are getting closer. I'm getting jealous.

-Adam gets pulled out of the room by the hotel security which is all a ploy for the cameras because I have a feeling that hotel security managers have bigger fish to fry when you work in Vegas.

-Mike confides in the black guy about his troubled past. Drug dealer parents, grandma had cancer, abusive father, blah, blah, blah. Impress me with something like you were a coke sniffing hooker in Somalia.

-Adam decides to drop $400 on red in roulette. I feel like that's the first thing you have to do when you hit a casino. Just go for blood.

-Everybody is still pissed at Adam for causing a ruckus in the club. Really? I'm pretty sure I'd be in jail within 2 hours of stepping in Vegas. I'd make what he did look like fucking recess in 3rd grade.

-Adam thinks telling Niki(is that her name?) about his juvenile past will get her in his pants because you know, every chick loves an idiot with no future.

-The roommates minus the guy with the awesome abs, take part in an innocent game of truth or dare because that's what you do when you're over 21 and in Las Vegas. Duh.

-Adam dares Mike to make out with Heather. Mike wants none of it like a good friend but Heather jumps on him thinking it won't be a big deal later. Big mistake. Huge.

-Dustin(awesome abs) is furious. I'd be too but then I remembered these people met each other 4 days ago. I mean come on, bro. Grow the fuck up.

-Mike and Dustin get into an argument about the kiss and he lets out the quote of the season. "YOU DON'T OWN HER!" then Dustin counters with a "if you I was in your shoes, I never would have thought about it" in his southern voice to which Mike comes back and ends with the fight with "It's all my fault. I kissed her and I liked it. PEACE."

-End of episode. Gonna be a long season.