The Eye Of The Tiger Is Back

I know that look. That's the look he gives when he's eyeing out a 6000 yard drive right down the pipe. It's the look he gives right before he sinks the birdie to win it on #18. It's also the look he gives when he's poaching for slutty white girls. He's motherfucking back.

 I know, I know. Shhhhhhhh

Don't like the name. Don't like the logo. Too cartoonish. Love the colors but they'll never fly in the NHL because Vancouver jacked our uniforms.

I Told You It Wouldn't End Well

 

No lie. Nate Robinson and Paul Pierce's tweets from training camp might be the most entertaining shit on the web right now.

 

In Case You Didn't Hate Lebron James, Now You Do

HURLBURT FIELD, Fla. -- LeBron James and his manager say they believe race played a factor in how the two-time reigning NBA MVP's decision to join the Miami Heat was covered this summer. Neither James nor his manager, Maverick Carter, cited specifics when talking to CNN for a story that aired Wednesday night. James did not want to spend much time on the subject after Thursday's Heat practice. "I think people are looking too far into it," James said. "But at the same time, sometimes it does play a part in it. I've said what I had to say, and I'll continue to move on." pondent Soledad O'Brien asked about "The Decision," the one-hour special on ESPN in which James announced that he would play for the Heat, and some of the negative headlines it generated. "It's just about control and not doing it the way it's always been done or not looking the way that it always looks," Carter said. O'Brien asked if race played a role. "I think so at times," James said. "It's always, you know, a race factor." Said Carter: "It definitely played a role in some of the stuff coming out of the media, things that were written for sure."

This might sound crazy but Lebron James might be a bit of a moron.  I mean did he really pull the race card on us? Really? Did Jesse Jackson or Johnny Cochran become his agent and manager over night or something? I don't hate Lebron because he's black and I'm sure nobody hates the guy only because he's black. First he was an egotistical asshole who shit on his hometown in front of a national audience but now he's all of that plus an idiot. They used to talk about how mature and smart Lebron was but really? He's hated because he's black? Like 90% of the rest of the league? Do people hate Kevin Durant? Last time I checked he was pretty black, too. It's like that episode of Entourage when E's client gets fired from the show so he asks Ari what to do and he says if all else fails, pull the race card. So E calls the race card and Ari is shocked and because nobody could ever be that stupid and desperate to pull the race card. Well. Lebron James is in fact that stupid. Get over yourself. You're not that important.

Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake Perform "The History of Rap"

Justin Timberlake was on "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon" last night to promote "The Social Network" (which looks awesome and comes out tomorrow btw). Fallon has been my favorite late night show for a while now and he is quickly becoming the viewers choice as well. Skits like this not only solidify Fallon as the best Late Night option but prove JT is still the man and always will be. The guy is cooler than molten lava on opposite day. He is everything Justin Bieber wants to be.

After the interview, Fallon and Timberlake performed "The History of Rap" and needless to say it was perfect. They performed a variety of songs, including: "Rapper’s Delight" (The Sugarhill Gang), "Juicy" (Notorious BIG), "My Name Is" (Eminem), Nuthing' but a 'G' Thang (Dr. Dre), Live Your Life (T.I./Rihanna), "Empire State of Mind" (Jay-Z) and others. Did you see the way Justin got all those fat girls singing and dancing during "Empire State of Mind"? Only a true performer can do that.

Kaley Cuoco & Johnny Galecki Dated For Two Years

I'd first like to start this post off by saying that if you don't watch "The Big Bang Theory" then stop reading this blog and go watch it. It is one of the funniest shows on television (and it may even be the funniest). Ever since the pilot, Johnny Galecki's character (Leonard) has had a crush on Kaley Cuoco's character (Penny). I don't want to spoil anything but since I already told you to go watch...they ended up dating on the show and it was magical awesome. It gave nerds everywhere hope.

In a recent interview with Watch Magazine, Cuoco revealed that their romance went beyond the set. She said, "Well, I dated [co-star Johnny] Galecki, so … yeah. We dated for almost two years. It was such a huge part of my life and no one knew about it." How the hell do you keep a relationship a secret for two years?!? She said she wanted to talk about it and go out with him in public but "certain people" (aka the producers) didn't want that to happen because they thought it might ruin the show or some dumb shit. The fact that the relationship lasted for two years means it wasn't just a one-night thing after the Emmy's where Kaley got Anne Tanked and made a few bad decisions. The news that they dated for two years actually made my day because have you seen what Johnny Galecki looks like? He looks like the offspring of Cory Feldman and Martha Plimpton.


Kaley went on to say that she is done dating actors and said, "So now my goal is to date an athlete. I don’t know if you know tennis, but Bob and Mike Bryan are my god- brothers. So I told them they had to introduce me this year to some hot guy at the U.S. Open." I'm just going to throw it out there as an early prediction - Kaley Cuoco will date John Isner. I mean c'mon...have you seen the guy? He's so handsome in a 15-year-old kind of way. Whoops sorry, Blog Dylan logged in and added in that last part and I'm not sure how to delete it.

This Is Who I'm Rooting For Now

It's no secret I'm a San Fran fan. It's that homosexual population that pulls me in or something. Always liked the Giants. I'm pretty sure I've picked them every year to come out of the National League to play the Sox in the World Series every year. That would be my dream match up. Everyone talks about a Cubs/Boston series but San Fran/Boston would be dope as fuck. 2 best stadiums in the league in my opinion. the Giants are a likeable bunch of guys with the exception of their closer who's a bigger tool than Donahue. This really has nothing to do with anything but isn't kind of crazy how Barry Bonds has been pretty much erased from baseball? His records and shit still stand but you never hear anybody talk about him or the 2001 season when he clubbed like 90 dingers while on the juice. Same with Marvin Harrison and Allen Iverson. But back to the Giants. Sandoval is a dude. Buster Posey might be the best young catcher in the game. Freddy Sanchez and Renteria are bother former Sox players and I've never heard anyone say a rude thing about Tim Lincecum or Matt Caine. Go Giants.

Red Sox Are Officially Dead

I hardly knew ya. I mean I never really got attached to the 2010 version of the Sox because it never felt like real love. We had a good run in July when were like 3 games back but it was just a tease. That's all the Sox were this year. A motherfucking tease. They showed what they could be but they never let you take them home and make a honest woman out of. And honestly when Youk went down, I pretty much checked out for the season. I aint missing them at all.

I Want Beckham Hair.

WHOA. That's what you call bringing the heat. Just all up in your face with it. I don't care how gay this makes me.

This Can't End Well

2nd From The Left, Call Me.

Fucking Ty Blake, man. Ty fucking Blake. This Buds for you.

Sean Avery Says Sean Avery Is a Superstar

"You guys saw it," Avery said. "That [stuff] doesn't bother me. Nobody should be suspended for anything they say." Avery started influencing the night in the second, when he suckered David Clarkson into dropping his gloves, while keeping his on. Avery, however, was the one penalized, and en route to the box, turned and went after Kovalchuk. That added a misconduct to his punishment.  "They specifically told me I got it because he's a superstar and I can't go after a superstar," Avery said. "I told [ref Paul Devorski] I make $4 million. I'm a superstar, too."

I love it. He takes the high road by not saying anything about the gesture but then gets his digs in by saying Kovalchuk is pretty much a pampered bitch who gets star treatment from the league. That my friends is how it is fucking done. As for Sean Avery thinking he's a superstar? I never said he was the smartest guy alive.

This Blog Is Gonna Be 21+ Once The Clock Hits 12:00 AM

And now you're asking yourself, "What does Connor OJTheJuiceManWellington Rusinko VII turning 21 have to do with those 2 above photos?" Well. Nothing. I just thought it was pretty fucking cool how similar they were. But make no mistake about it, I am still Kanye West in that scenario and every future scenario. That's why we're both smiling. Duh.

Elmo Don't Play No Games

WINTER PARK, Fla. -- Elmo was not tickled - he was in a tussle. Police in central Florida say a man dressed as the "Sesame Street" character was attacked Saturday at a music store in Winter Park, but he was able to fend off the attacker. The fight broke out around 3 p.m. The costumed man had been hired to perform as Elmo at a children's event at Guitar Center, but police say the attacker began throwing punches at Elmo. The performer fought back, even breaking a few fingers on his attacker's hand. Police haven't released the names of either man. Officers broke up the fight and took the attacker to the hospital, where he was treated and detained for a mental health evaluation. Police say Elmo was unhurt, and that no children saw the fight.

Every once in awhile you come across somebody you shouldn't have fucked with and today that man is Elmo.  In the attackers defense I can kinda see why you'd wanna punch the shit out of Elmo. He can play this cute, tickle me role all he wants but you can't ignore the ego on that cat. It's always "Elmo wants this, Elmo says that, Elmo, Elmo, Elmo." I mean think of the fans for once in your life, bro. Like hey, what does little baby rza want? He wants some fucking chocolate milk, that's he wants but you're too busy getting your god damn tummy tickled by some overweight 20 year chick who probably blows lines off Oscar's trash can during commercial break. He's just rude and he deserves to be cold cocked in a record store. Grow up, dude. You and Peter Pan need a reality check.

Say It To His Face, Bro!

Apparently there's some prostitute scandal going on with David Beckham? I don't know how I missed it but does Becks really need to get prostitutes? Pretty sure that guy could bang Obama if he wanted too. Regardless, what kind of fan yells that at their own player? And then you turtle like a little bitch? It won't go down like that if I ever get a shot at Lebron James and he's a tad bigger than Becks.

Sean Avery Doesn't Believe In Preseason.

This is exactly what the Devils do not want to see this season: Ilya Kovalchuk scuffling and yapping with Sean Avery. But that's what took place in Saturday night's preseason game at the Prudential Center. "We should be better than that," Kovalchuk said after the Rangers won the game, 5-4, with a power play goal from Michael del Zotto 52 seconds in overtime. "We can't get into their game. We all know he's (Avery) going to do that." Worse, the Devils hope the NHL will not mistake Kovalchuk's gesture toward Avery midway through the third period. The two were on their respective benches when Kovalchuk made a gesture to "zip it." He hopes it didn't look like a threat to Avery. "I just told him to zip it," Kovalchuk said. "I didn't tell him I'd kill him, so don't suspend me." Does he think the league will look at it? I don't know. Maybe," Kovalchuk said. Late in the third Avery chopped Kovalchuk on the hand. There was no penalty call. "Part of the game. Nothing special," said Kovalchuk, clearly unhurt. Kovalchuk, who had a goal and an assist in the game, was a little angry at himself. Avery ran Brian Rolston into the end boards at 2:18 of the second period. When David Clarkson dropped his gloves to fight, Avery wouldn't do the same. Avery skated away and confronted Kovalchuk, who got a punch in before Avery turtled. "You know him. That's his game," Kovalchuk said of Avery's yapping and chippy style. "He did a good job. They had nothing going their way and they got some energy."

Sounds like Avery is in mid-season form. They make a big deal that Avery doesn't fight Clarkson but why would he? He's a scrub. Instead he pisses off the golden boy Kovalchuk and sends them both to the penalty box. Well played, sir. Well played. Especially when he's already whooped Kovalchuk's ass in the past.

Weekend Time. Go Do Hoodrat Things With Your Friends

This is why I'm against giving money to our urban housing projects.

This Is Why I Love Kevin Durant

Wow. Breath of fresh air. You know if people said Lebron James was on MJ's level after he reached the NBA Finals for the first time he would have come up with this some slogan bullshit. Maybe create a T-Shirts that says "Witness" as if we're watching the second coming of Christ come down. Ohhhh. Wait. That happened.

Stern Tells Arenas To Keep It DL on His Guns. (That Makes No Sense)

NBA commissioner David Stern has told Gilbert Arenas and the Washington Wizards not to talk about Arenas' locker-room gun incident from now on. Stern spoke Tuesday with Arenas, telling him he's excited to have him back in the league after Arenas served a 50-game suspension for bringing guns into the Wizards' locker room last December. But he also advised Arenas, who has a reputation for speaking his mind, not to talk about the incident, The Washington Post first reported. Stern also told Wizards owner Ted Leonsis that the team should not discuss the incident, either. "It's time to move on, rather than obsess about the past," Stern said Wednesday, according to the Post. Arenas has not spoken publicly since he was sentenced in March to one month in a halfway house and two years of probation after pleading guilty to felony gun possession.

Might be a little known fact but I'm a huge Gilbert Arenas fan. I don't know why. I think he's just a goofy guy who loves to play basketball and  get under people's skin. Like this gun incident was a big deal and it kind of destroyed his entire team but in long run it'll be one of those things you laugh about around a 12 pack of bud heavy. That's Budweiser. Not Bud Light. I'm a grown man now so it's time to up our standards. It's really not that big of a deal when you think about it. The fellas were on a plane playing cards, some scrub got pissed off and threatened Arenas with a gun so the next day Arenas calls his bluff and puts a bag of guns on his chair and says "choose one." HILARIOUS. Did anybody actually think Gilbert Arenas was capable of killing someone? So he brought some guns into the stadium. They're not on the streets of DC, right? It's bad enough we got a brotha in office. Whoa. I'm stopping there.

Almost!

Man I hate when my long board tries to run away from me! down boy! down!

Skateboarding Added To P.E. Class. What's Next? Rugby? Frisbee? Oh Wait..

When Bill Ewe, a physical education teacher in suburban New Jersey, approached the principal at the middle school where he works about adding skateboarding to the curriculum, "he looked at me like I was a little crazy," Ewe said. But Ewe, a longtime skater who played college baseball, showed his bosses a news clip demonstrating how a skateboarding program had been successfully integrated into gym classes at a California high school. Soon district officials approved Ewe's proposal, and last spring students at Kingsway Middle School outside Philadelphia began pushing and kickflipping for credit. "The kids had a blast," Ewe said about a system that emphasizes balance, agility, coordination, self-esteem and perseverance over trying to become the next pro. "A 42-minute class period was gone like that."

And this is exactly why I never gave a fuck in gym class. Yeah, I said gym class. I don't need some physical education class to break up my breakfast. You'd have your typical JV kid or volleyball player trying to run shit in basketball and for what reason? To show you're better than me? Sorry, bro. I got a real game later on the varsity level that I need all my strengths for. Ya know, that real games people care about. Have your fun playing pocket pool in the minor leagues and look for my name in the paper tomorrow morning next to assists and tapping ass on friday night. But most of the time that class didn't even involve real sports. I mean Dave Keepin, bless his little heart but he'd come up with some mat ball bullshit and that was pretty much indoor kick ball but refused to recognize it as such. And if you're team was beating his? RULE CHANGE! Fuck that. He's lucky I didn't pop him in the balls every time I took the mound 'cause lord knows I could throw a heater wherever the fuck I choose. Didn't they come out with quidditch senior year too? You know Jordon Brault totally wet his pants when he heard about that. So whatever. Skateboard, rugby, frisbee. Add it to the list of games that were created to make all the non-athletes feel good about themselves.

P.S. If Life Of Ryan still on TV? Or did World of Jenks take away his time spot? You know MTV can't have two shoes that involve a monotone narrator.

Double P.S. Ronde Barber is still playing football. Crazy, right? I just read that in Sports Illustrated while taking a shit. 

Joaquin Phoenix Reveals 2009 Letterman Appearance Was Fake & For Movie

Joaquin Phoenix appeared on "Late Night with David Letterman" last night in his highly anticipated return since he was on the show on February 11, 2009. He confirmed the rumors that he's a nut-job and does more blow than Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton combined it was all fake/staged and was for his new movie called "I'm Still Here", directed by Casey Affleck.

Apparently Joaquin and Casey came up with the idea for the movie while watching reality television where much of it is staged but the viewers believe it all to be true because the characters use their real names and are told it is reality. They then decided to tell the world that Joaquin was retiring from acting to pursue a rap career and see how the media and public responded to it. Joaquin grew an awesome beard and then remained in character while going out in public and doing interviews so they could secretly film the movie.


A few months after the retirement announcement Joaquin made his famous appearance on Letterman. There were reports that Letterman was in on it but he's denying it and even asked Joaquin to verify that in the interview last night. I would believe him except for the fact that this whole thing is about lying to the public because they'll believe it. Hey Letterman, why don't you go bang some more grenades. I want to believe the February 2009 interview was real because it was so awesome that it will never be duplicated...not even if Letterman's guests were Mel Gibson and Paris Hilton and Mel got drunk and beat Paris until drugs fell out of her vagina. Alright, that might top it.

Fun fact: Casey Affleck is married to Joaquin Phoenix's hot sister.

The interview is below:

Durica Saw Precious Get Married And Lived To Tell About It

Which person doesn't fit in the picture? I know. The chick in the blue dress. Get out of the way bitch, you're ruining the whole black/bronze scheme. But seriously, you think anybody got any appetizers at that reception with precious on the invite list? Doubt it. I'm shocked Durica is still living. Big chocolate might have tried to chomp his fingers off if she wasn't satisfied with the spread. And that's exactly why I always pack an extra Snickers or Baby Ruth bar in my pocket. Yeah, people think it's creepy that I carry candy like I'm a child molester or something but I've fucking seen The Goonies. I know what happens when you get a disenchanted goon in your path.


P.S. I pray he isn't dating that black chick because he's one dude that can kick the shit out of me enough that I may never blog again. 

The Scariest Party Ever.

Yikes. That's shallow, unattractive, disgusting. I'm mortified and stupefied. It's lewd, salacious, outrageous.

Fuck Today.

New England Patriots running back Kevin Faulk has a torn anterior cruciate ligament in his right knee, the Boston Globe reported on Tuesday. It is an injury that usually means the end to a player's season, though the Patriots have not yet placed Faulk on injured reserve. "They're still working on it. I think part of it is how things come around in the next day or so," Patriots coach Bill Belichick said on a conference call with reporters Tuesday, when asked about Faulk's injury. "We'll see how things go in the next day or so and based on how that is, then make a decision at that point."

Kevin Faulk was that safety blanket. That sure thing late night booty call. You try to get younger at running back, wanna test drive the new meat and if it doesn't work out then you can always call up the old reliable bitch for a little joy ride. Well now what happens when we trade away our young stallion and our miss automatic is on the shelf for the season? We're just drunk, lonely and horny. Gonna be a long season. I miss when people were afraid of us.

Breaking News Indeed!

PHILADELPHIA -- Eagles coach Andy Reid says Michael Vick will be the team's starting quarterback. Reid made the decision Tuesday, a day after saying Kevin Kolb would start Sunday at Jacksonville. Kolb missed the last six quarters because of a concussion, and Vick played well in his absence.

A great day for Bad Newz Kennelz and cats everywhere. 


P.S. That dog totally has "oh shit" written all over his face.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Two of Braylon Edwards' teammates were with him when he was pulled over and -- to his surprise -- arrested for driving while intoxicated early Tuesday morning. The New York Jets wide receiver appeared in court Tuesday in ripped jeans, wearing a black T-shirt with the words "One Love" on the front and angel's on the back to answer the DUI charges. Police documents, parts of which were read aloud during the hearing at the Manhattan Criminal Courts Building, revealed that he didn't understand why he was pulled over.  "Why was I stopped for tints when my driving didn't lead you to believe I was drunk driving?" Edwards said, according to the report of the arresting officer, Armando Urbina. Officers on the lookout for vehicle violations like excessive tinting or missing registration stickers pulled over Edwards' white Land Rover on Manhattan's West Side at 4:47 a.m. ET and noticed a strong smell of alcohol and that he had bloodshot, watery eyes, the police report states. "I had a couple of drinks," Edwards said to the officer, according to the police report. There were four other people in the car with Edwards at the time, and the Jets confirmed that two of them were his teammates -- left tackle D'Brickashaw Ferguson and defensive end Vernon Gholston. According to the arrest report, the officer asked Edwards when he had his last drink. "About an hour ago," Edwards responded. Urbina asked Edwards if he was familiar with a breathalyzer. He responded that he was but asked why he would not undergo a field sobriety test like in Michigan, where he went to college. The officer said that was not procedure in New York. Edwards said to Urbina: "How about I just leave the car and take a cab and go home?" But the wide receiver did undergo the breathalyzer exam and blew .15 twice and was arrested. 

This story gets better and better but I'm just wondering when we can stop giving a fuck about Braylon Edwards? I thought for a solid 5 minutes before I posted this and couldn't think of another athlete who has a big name and for no reason.  What I'm saying is this dude sucks and when he's in the news, it's always mandatory reporting on ESPN. I'm not being a bitter Pats fan when I say Edwards is a bum. You only have to look at his career stats to find that out. On top of it all, he's an asshole. You get a DUI once and I'll let it slide but if you have millions of dollars, are in NYC where there are 10 cabs within 10 feet of you and have treated everybody like a piece of shit throughout your career then it's time to go. Braylon Edwards must die. "How about I just leave the car and take a cab and go home?" Yeah, maybe if you're Wes Welker bro but you're a mediocre wide receiver who has a rap sheet as long as Don DonkeyDong Donahue's dick.

Just Ed Hochuli Being Ed Hochuli

Denver Bronco's WR Kenny McKinley Found Dead At Home

Denver Broncos wide receiver Kenny McKinley was found dead in his home Monday in an apparent suicide. Authorities were called to McKinley's house at 3:45 pm to find the wide-out dead in his bedroom by an apparent self-inflicted gunshot. McKinley was a second year receiver who was currently on the team's IR list with a left knee injury.


Coach Josh McDaniels issued this statement: "Kenny had a promising future on the football field, but more importantly, he was a great teammate whose smile and personality could light up the room. This is a tragic loss for our football team, and his family is in all of our thoughts and prayers during this difficult time."

The Bronco's have been haunted by some recent incidents as both cornerback Darrent Williams and running back Damien Nash were recently killed. Most players chose not to comment on the death.

This Is Why I Don't Hate On Tom Brady's Hair

They say longer hair is so in these days. So is plaid. Oh, and bow ties. And last time I checked being adorable never went out of fashion. I guess that's why I'm still rocking it. So ahead of my time. How does my 3 year old ass taste? 

Keri Russell Struttin That Ass

People often ask "Rza, what's your ideal girl? I'd like to hook you up with my sister/wife/mother/girlfriend." You  might think it's the petite blonde look. Nope. It's this. Keri Russell. As Pauly D says, "she's the type of girl you wanna do nice things for."

I Thought Sean Avery Was On The Trading Block and Not Taking Hockey Seriously?

Sean Avery scored twice for White to give him three goals in two scrimmages, albeit two have been empty-netters, as White, with Henrik Lundqvist in net, improved to 2-0 during training camp. As was the case yesterday, the afternoon session featured much more intensity and a better pace than the 9 a.m. game. Avery banged in a rebound against Scott Stajcer to make it 1-0 in the first of the two periods, then later stayed on the ice after taking a hard pass off his instep.

Just another example of what happens when you try to knock us down. We come back throwing 7 different kinds of smoke.

More "Anonymous" Rugby Players Being Rugby Players

I don't know. Looks like an excuse for guy on guy love. Kinda crazy they had time to play a game with all that three-a-day practice requirement. I'm like 20% joking and 80% still pissed off about that anonymous comment.

Hartford Whalers Are Back. Sort Of.

Howard Baldwin has finally gotten his wish. A deal allowing Baldwin and Whalers Sports & Entertainment to assume control of the business operations of Hartford's American Hockey League franchise was reached Sunday, according to sources close to the negotiations. The name of the team will be changed from the Hartford Wolf Pack, but not to the Connecticut Whalers as many had expected. The New York Rangers' top affiliate will be known as the Connecticut Whale. "Based on internal discussions and significant feedback from both Whalers fans and Wolf Pack fans, we've chosen a name that touches on our past but also signifies this new era in Hartford hockey," one source close to Baldwin said. "Fans have always referred to the Hartford Whalers as the 'The Whale,' so it's a very familiar name."

The Hartford Whale? You might be shocked to hear this but I fucking hate that name. It's dumb as shit.  The Whale? Is there only one player on the team? Are you saying Hartford is full of fat chicks? Because in reality it's filled with black and hispanic people, other wise known as "convicts." Wolf Pack was just such a simple thing. The Pack. That's a team name. It wasn't the Hartford Wolf. Wolves run in a packs and work together. What do Whales do? I know what Whalers do but what the fuck is so great about being a whale? It's pretty much pissing in the wound of every fan who is still distraught over the Whalers moving to Carolina. It's like when a dude gets dumped by a hot blonde, he then attacks a brunette as a rebound to totally get over the girl which is great but in the end you're always left thinking about the blonde. The one you really love, the one who got away. This situation is no different.

Fuck The Jets.

No excuses. We got beat in every part of the game. Sanchez outplayed Brady. Let's go eat a Goddamn snack.

Fucking Togs.

NEW BRITAIN, Conn. -- Central Connecticut State University officials said a man was arrested after invading the dorm rooms of female students. School officials said Chlevera Trimmer walked into several unlocked dorm rooms in James Hall while the female residents were sleeping early Thursday morning.Officials said 14 students were affected.School officials said Trimmer is not a student at the school, and that he had been staying with a friend who lives in James Hall.Several of the students were awoken by Trimmer and reported his presence to the RA, who then notified CCSU police.Trimmer was arrested on charges of criminal mischief and burglary and one count of sex assault in the fourth degree.

Coincidence that Togs lives in the James Hall dorms as well? I think not.  Nice alias too, bro. Chlevera Trimmer? Sounds like an instrument you would use to give your ball sack a haircut. You dirty, dirty man. Lock him up and save our children!

This Is Why The Mets Were Always Destined for Failure

Bitch.

Hayden Panettiere was photographed cheering at the Wladimir Klitschko vs. Samuel Peter Fight in Frankfurt, Germany yesterday. Hayden's dad also supported the fight. The former Heroes hottie just turned legal last month and celebrated her 21st birthday.

Whatever. He's like fucking 40 years old and is fighting in a weight class that has a bunch of scrubs in it. If you wanna impress me then you gotta drop a few lbs. and go at it with the real tough guys in the middleweight division. I have Ukranian blood in me too, ya know? But every time I've gotten into a fight or scuffle my main bitch of the hour wants nothing to do with me. What was it that the late great Oscar Wilde said about females? Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks? Something like that. Truer words have never been spoken.

Razzball Fantasy Baseball Daily Post - September 16

Every time I look for pictures to use in this post I always happen to stumble upon some recent ones of Heidi Montag at the beach which is fine because she has enormous cans. Last week she was in Costa Rica trying to surf and even with a fake ass that big (yes, she had ass implants) it isn't big enough to offset those funbags when she tries to balance. It is pretty widely known she takes a photographer everywhere to try and generate publicity about herself. I'm going to start doing that. The photographer will pretty much never leave my house but that's beside the point.

As always, be sure to check out Razzball and consider donating to their site.

"

Hittin' of Troy

So far in this month of September, Troy Tulowitzki has 11 homers and 27 RBIs. This is Hungrybear9562 owning Tulo in a H2H league this month — It’s a DOUBLE HOME RUN! All the way across the sky! OH. MY. GOD. A double home run. Wait, is this a triple home run? No, it’s a double home run. It’s beautiful. *cries* The only thing ever holding Tulo back is health. If Tulo can stay healthy for an entire year… Well, look at his 2009 stats — 32 homers, 20 steals and a .297 average. Next year, he’ll only be 26-years-old and hitters tend not to peak until the age of 27. Yum with a double shot of gimme. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Eric Young Jr. – 2-for-4, still got love for him and am still willing to go to PTA meetings for Eric Young Jr. Jr., but it’s worth noting that he now has three errors in the last two games. Barmes may see more time in the 2nd half of games as a defensive replacement.

Jorge de la Rosa – 7 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks and his line looked even better before he left two men on for Beimel to let score. He gets the Diamondbacks next and I’d start him there sans hesitation. Or sansitation, for those that enjoy a good portmanteau.

Adrian Gonzalez – 3-for-4, 5 RBIs and 2 homers. Now hit ten more homers before the end of the season and we’ll be cool.

Chris Young – Will start on Saturday vs. the Cards in The Lou. Would like this start better if it was in Petco. Young had a 7.82 ERA in Away games last year and 5.27 in 2008. Both years his home ERA was below 3. Unless you’re desperate, I’d let him pitch from my bench. Remember though, if he’s on your bench, don’t sit anyone short behind him.

Carlos Zambrano – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks. I’m not a huge fan of Big Z, but he hasn’t thrown a bad start since he returned to the rotation on August 9th. Really should be owned in every league.

J.A. Happ – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks. He obviously wasn’t a sub-3 ERA pitcher. His luck was bound to run out in the landmark case of Sooner vs. Later.

Brandon Lyon – Well, the closer role in Houston got murkier yesterday. Lyon gave up a run and blew the save then Lindstrom came into the 10th and gave up two runs. Houston, we have a shituation.

Rickie Weeks – 2-for-5 with his 27th homer. Weeks has more RBI than Fielder and more homers than Braun. If I’d known that going into the year, I’d have put my life savings on the Brewers not making the playoffs.

Brian Duensing – 6 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks. He was in last week’s borderline starters and next week’s is coming this afternoon. How’s dem apples? Delicious!

Kyle Drabek – 6 IP, 3 ER, 12 baserunners, 5 Ks. I would’ve loved to watch him, but my Direct TV cut out during the pregame (which is not pronounced like edamame). So going on the box score, looks like Drabek wasn’t fooling anyone. He’s young, doesn’t change how I feel about him for keepers or next year. To gaze at my Kyle Drabek fantasy, go there.

Brad Bergesen – 9 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks. Even a broken clock is right a few times a season.

Jered Weaver – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 baserunner, 7 Ks. More incredibly, he actually got run support. A’la Vicki Lawrence as Mama, “Well, I’ll be!”

Russell Branyan – 1-for-3 with his 25th homer. All he does is hit home runs! No, really, that’s all he does.

Homer Bailey – Left the game with dizziness after allowing 3 earned runs and 5 walks. Hey, maybe Oliver Perez is dizzy.

Drew Stubbs – 2-for-3 with his 18th homer. You may want to put away sharp objects when you read this next line. According to ESPN’s Player Rater, Stubbs has been as valuable as Matt Kemp.

Jason Bay – Said he’s feeling great and free of any post-concussion symptoms, but he’s still not coming back this year. Canadians — Bay and Morneau — had a bad year for concussions. What’s it called when a Canadian misses extended time from work? A maple leaf of absence. *sad trombone*

Jenrry Mejia – Left yesterday’s game with a strain in his shoulder. Likely shutdown for the year. No word if the injury happened when he was trying to roll the R’s in his first name.

Wilson Betemit – 2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 2nd straight game with a homer. Yes, you should pick him up. Yes, now.

Mike Minor – 5 IP, 4 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. Really was just a victim of an ill-timed grand slam to Maxwell, who is one sexy piece of chocolate… Wait, wrong Maxwell. I’m still going to like Minor next year. I know, up the down staircase, Sandy Dennis, but that’s how rookies do.

Phil Hughes – 6 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks. I’ve been saying this for about a month now. You can do better than Hughes off waivers. Duensing, for instance. He’s been better.

James Shields – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 8 Ks vs. the Yankees. I was about to write how no one got sonavabenched because no one owns him but then I looked and saw he’s owned in 93% of leagues. Are you people crazy? He has a 1.41 WHIP and 4.86 ERA after this solid start. Even after this start, I’d drop him.

Dan Johnson – 2-for-3 with 2 homers. The Pride of Coon Rapids! (BTW, there was discussion in Minnesota about changing the name of this city. Some felt it was derogatory. I think it’s too vague. Change it to Coon Rabids.)

Emilio Bonifacio – 2-for-5 as he continued his hot hitting. Own players when they are hot. That’s my mottofacio.

Gaby Sanchez – 2-for-4 with his 18th homer. Not doing a whole lot, but now has two homers in the week, i.e., two more than Prince Fielder.

Brad Lidge – 1/3 IP, 1 ER. Kazaam, as he generated a save for Jose Contreras. Manuel changes his underwear more than he changes closers and that’s not a whole lot.

Raul Ibanez – 3-for-5, 2 Runs and 2 RBIs. Hitting well over his last ten games and worth riding while hot.

Gavin Floyd – 5 1/3 IP, 6 ER, 11 baserunners, 4 Ks. After the game, he tweeted, “I pitched. #sucky”

Chris Sale – 2/3 IP, 1 ER. Of course down 6 runs Ozzie pitches the guy who he just said was his closer. Of course he does! Why wouldn’t he? I will now don a potato sack and walk into traffic.

Jaime Garcia – Early yesterday, the Cards announced that Garcia would be shutdown for the year. Later in the day, the Cards announced he would be skipped one turn and be reevaluated. Much later in the day, I wrote this. Today, you’re reading it. Tomorrow is Friday. Yay!

Ryan Franklin – Heading home to deal with some personal issues. I know what it meant when a girl in high school would go home with ‘personal issues,’ so I’m guessing Franklin has cramps and/or is pregnant.

"

Steve Jobs Stopped At Airport Over Ninja Stars

Yes, you most definitely did read that correctly. Apple CEO and founder Steve Jobs was stopped at Kansai International Airport, near Osaka, after officials spotted the weapons in his luggage. Jobs makes a good point when he says its makes no sense why somebody would hijack their own plane.


Personally, I think they should have let him keep them because ninja stars are fucking awesome. And so is Steve Jobs. So Steve Jobs throwing ninja stars can only result in one thing: a touch screen ninja star.

Unfortunately Apple is denying the story ever took place :(

Revis Is Going To Get Torched. TORCHED.

Revis dominated Moss in both meetings last season, prompting the New England Patriots' wide receiver to remark Tuesday that he "prided [his] offseason on staying off Revis Island." When Revis heard that comment, he smiled, taking it as a psychological victory. "Obviously, if he's speaking that ... I'm sure it was on his mind in the offseason," the Jets' star cornerback said Wednesday. Moss apparently is fired up for the meeting. In an ESPN SportsCenter interview Tuesday, he said, "We're coming to the Meadowlands on Sunday, man, so you got 60 minutes of this 'Slouch.'" The rivalry has made a 180-degree turn. A year ago, it was Revis who felt disrespected. Now Moss is doing the chirping, issuing a challenge. "I guess that's what he's been worrying about all offseason, staying off Revis Island," Revis said. "I'm sure he's going to come well-prepared Sunday, and I'm sure he's going to have some tricks up his sleeve."

I know 6 people in this world that you don't piss off so much that they then become motivated. General Douglas Macarthur, Sean Avery, The Situation, Kobe Bryant, myself and Randy Moss. I mean who the fuck is Revis kidding with this "psychological victory" bullshit? Moss is more pissed off than the time somebody pissed in his Wheaties. Yeah Revis only had 3 TD's against him last year but you know who had one of them? Randy Moss, the best down field receiver in the history of the NFL.  Something tells me Moss is going to have a HUGE game. I'm talking 100 yards, 12 catches and 1 touchdown and the Pats hang 28 points. I actually hope they focus all the energy on Moss because then it opens up the passing game for Welker, Edelman, Tate and the 2 best rookie TE's in the game.

Am I The Only One Who is Excited About Another Possible Michael Vick Era?

Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Kevin Kolb and linebacker Stewart Bradley did not pass concussion testing Wednesday. Coach Andy Reid, however, said both players have "made progress" since Monday. Reid said quarterback Michael Vick will run the offense in practice Wednesday and Thursday and "we'll take Friday as it comes."  Reid had said Monday that both Kolb and Bradley would not practice before Friday. However, Reid did not rule out either player for Sunday's game at Detroit. Bradley sustained a concussion when he collided with Ernie Sims during Philadelphia's 27-20 loss to Green Bay on Sunday. Yet somehow, the Eagles' middle linebacker returned for a few plays before he was pulled for the rest of the game.

Concussions are no joke and I've never been so excited to another player go down than I was when Kevin Kolb took that digger on Sunday. Nothing against the guy but he kind of took the keys to McNabb's car, didn't say thanks, ran it into a pole and acted like he was the big man on campus so fuck him. Nobody disrespects Disco Donny and lives to tell about it. And unlike most of the public, I like Vick. Always have, always will. I even used to rock the old school Falcons jersey when he first came out of Va. Tech. Dude changed the game as far as black quarterbacking goes. Yes, I said black quarterbacking. Little more reckless and lazy on reading the blitzes, does their own thing and says fuck the man.

Owen Wilson Don't Give a F About Nothin!

I'm not golf expert but I thought this type of shit was status quo as far as etiquette goes. Or par for the course as they say. I mean if they frown upon this then I don't ever wanna step foot on a golf course. Have you seen me when I'm losing 9-2 in ping pong or just walked 2 batters in wiffle ball?  It aint pretty, I promise you that. I've said some terrible things about some terrific people.

Goosebumps.

Sunday cannot come soon enough.

Jersey Shore Cast on Ellen Degeneres

It was actually only Snooki, the Situation, Pauly D and JWowwwwwwwwwwww (one "w" for each of her Y chromosomes) for most of the interview but they are by far the most entertaining of the group. Ellen jumped right into asking Snooki about her recent arrest and how the judge called her a "Lindsay Lohan wannabe". Snooki said that during her drunken escapade she "kind of annoyed people". Snooki is annoying? Shocking! I feel as though I just found out I was adopted.

Snooki then talks about how she wants to date a "business guy" that can support her. Pauly D says, "Whatever guy that wants to date Snooki, from now on, I'm gonna screen him. So all you guys out there, if you wanna date Snooki you gotta see me first." I think it's safe to say that Pauly D is going to have a bunch of free time.


After a bunch of boring shit about Ronnie and Sammi the conversation goes back to Snooki when she tries to convince everyone she reads. She says,

"I think like no one really knows how we are. Like we have like different sides. Like obviously you see us on the show - we party, we do this, we do that but like outside of the show like we're very quiet. Like me, I'll go to frickin Barnes and Nobles, get a coffee and just sit down and read. I mean you know like no one would ever think that but like we have different sides to us and people don't see that."

See that's where you're wrong Snooki. Everyone thinks that you read and have a firm grip on the English language, especially after hearing "like" more times than at a Facebook conference. Watch the full interview for even more entertainment:

Jennifer Lopez Signs $12 Million Deal To Join American Idol

Jennifer Lopez has long been rumored to be hired as one of the next American Idol judges and yesterday it was made official with a deal reportedly worth just over $12 million for one year. What has she done to prove she deserves $12 million a year to judge peoples singing talents? Let's take a look at the awards she has won:

2000 MTV VMAs - Best Dance Video for "Waiting for Tonight"
2002 MTV VMAs - Best Hip-Hop Video for "I'm Real"
2007 AMA - Favorite Latin Artist

As you can see, 2 of the awards she won were for videos in which she danced around half naked and the other was for a made up category. Favorite "Latin" artist? Are you kidding me?!? Her competition in that category was Daddy Yankee and Juan Luis Guerra.


Apparently J. Lo wanted more money as well as movie and TV deals with the signing but Fox told her to go pound sand so she accepted the $12 million. This comes after other recent reports of J. Lo acting like a bitch, specifically in her search for a new assistant. Life & Style reported that the assistant is basically a slave and lists the job description as...

"The person has to be graceful under pressure, have a thick skin, and be resourceful in foreign countries, among others things. You'll be expected to travel at a moment's notice and must know how to adjust in each city. The job is 6 days a week, at least 12 hour days with one day off, but you may not get off for weeks. You'll be on call 24/7 and you've got to be organized and always on point. You have to change diapers, work on little sleep and cook if the butler is away. You have to know when J. Lo has her snack time. She won’t say she’s hungry, you’re just expected to have food waiting." "The salary for this gig? $55,000 to $65,000."

I was actually interested in this gig up until I read that I'm supposed to know when she's hungry and have snacks ready for her. What is she, an infant? I don't want to be blamed by the American public for contributing to her already existing weight problem, especially now that they will see her on TV 12 nights a week.

Razzball Fantasy Baseball Daily Post - September 15

The premiere of "Easy A", a romcom about a girl who pretends to bang dudes so that they can seem cool, was last night and a bunch of young celebs attended. Alyson Michalka is in the movie and came with her sister Amanda. Loyal readers of "the Boot" (my new nickname for the blog) might recall I posted about her new show "Hellcats" 2 weeks ago. Quick side note - 1st episode was above average and the 2nd episode airs tonight.

Back to the sisters - they are the kind of sisters who do everything together so I'm willing to bet they'd be down for a sweet threesome, which makes them even hotter than they already are. I mean look at them already holding hands with words like "tramp" and "harlot" pointing to them. Amanda (on the right in the picture of the 2 of them) looks like a horse but I'd still be down. Maybe that's why they cast her to be in the new "Secretariat" movie. I can't end this intro without mentioning that my girl T Swizzle was also at the premiere, looking extra skinny awesome.

As always, be sure to check out Razzball and consider donating to their site.

"

Closing Sale

Yesterday, Ozzie Guillen said, “Bobby’s not my closer right now, he’s not, I’m very happy with Chris Sale. I’m not saying (Jenks has) lost his job, I have to wait to see to put him in the game to see how he’s doing… It might take a little while, maybe one day, two days, three days… a week. Unless I find out Chris Sale is Asian, then I’m gonna make him work for it.” The last line was inferred. Sale’s been lights out since his call up — 0.57 ERA in 15 2/3 IP with 21 Ks. The manager says he’s the closer, so I’m gonna say Sale’s the closer. It’s obviously not as easy as that when Ozzie’s involved. The wind could change directions, Ozzie’s weather vane that’s labeled with Putz, Jenks, Thornton and Sale could spin and someone else could be the closer by tomorrow. As of right now, I’d grab Sale. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jimmy Rollins – Sounds like he’s done for the regular season, or at least until very close to the end of the year. Rollins said, “Studies show, even if it’s a mild hamstring, even though the doctors like to say 7-to-10 days, it’s usually three weeks.” Studies, yeah. Studies of Jimmy Rollins.

Cole Hamels – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 13 Ks. Hamels probably hasn’t gotten the recognition this year because of the low win total, but he has 201 Ks in 194 2/3 IP, 1.16 WHIP and a 3.01 ERA. That’s nothing to sneeze at unless you’re allergic to number one fantasy starters.

Albert Pujols – Apparently, there’s no DL in September but there is day-to-day after a cortisone shot to the elbow. He’ll probably be back today as his elbow told reporters, “Imma let Albert finish.”

Adam Wainwright – 8 IP, 5 ER, 13 baserunners, 8 Ks. He probably could’ve picked a better time to use my H2H team for toilet paper.

Hideki Matsui – 2-for-4 as he continues his hot hitting. At any moment, the Sciosciapath in the Angels dugout could bench a hot hitter, but I’d give Matsui a chance if you need some pop.

Mark Teixeira – Has been playing on a broken pinky toe since the end of August. Guess that explains why he had his stats kick me in the nads.

Mariano Rivera – How does he have a 1.33 ERA and only 30 saves? Seriously, dubya tee eff.

Josh Hamilton – Ain’t much of a limb at this point, but Hamilton’s owners will be lucky to see him play another 5 games this season. And, even in those games, I wouldn’t be surprised to see him get pulled early. Rangers have no reason to push him and won’t.

Shelley Duncan – Smashed two homers and 24 forearms.

Michael Brantley – 2-for-4 and has now hit in every game this month and only took four oh-fers in August. Cust kayin’.

Daniel Hudson – 8 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks. If you haven’t heard, the Diamondbacks might move the fences or build a humidor in the offseason. So let me guess, Hudson’s gonna be on all of my teams next year? Don’t mind if I do!

Brian Matusz – Says he won’t miss his next start. Sure, why would the O’s rest one of their prized prospects with a sore tricep on his pitching arm? They’re going after a 100 losses.

Nick Markakis – Nick Bupkis hit his 10th homer yesterday. 10 homers, Markakis? Really? You suckakis.

Jake Arrieta – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks and is now shutdown for the year. Too bad, so sad.

Travis Snider – Him and his .289 OBP hit lead off yesterday. In related news, check Cito Gaston for a pulse.

Scott Podsednik – Out for the year with plantar fasciitis, which only sounds like something Mr. Peanut would get.

Clayton Kershaw – 9 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks and the win with the Dodgers mustering only one hit and no RBIs. Did the McCourt judge freeze all their assets, including the Dodger bats?

Matt Garza – 4 2/3 IP, 6 ER. One day, I’m going to run into Garza. This season will be in the books. This start will long be a memory. And I’m going to punch Garza in the mouth.

Gio Gonzalez – 2 IP, 7 ER. It sure rides like a Gio.

Mike Aviles – Now has back-to-back games with a homer and is hitting over .350 in the last week. Has good position eligibility for those hurting at MI.

Wilson Betemit – 3-for-5 with his 11th homer in 227 ABs while batting .313. Not a flashy name, but is currently hitting near .350 in the last week. Sing it, Vedder, “Can’t find a Betemit…”

Chone Figgins – 4-for-4 with his 39th steal. I have one thing to say about this stunod. Even if he gets his average up to .270 on the year with 40+ steals, the first five months are not excused.

Jed Lowrie – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and 2 homers. After the game, he removed his face to reveal Dustin Pedroia.

David Murphy – 3-for-5 with his 10th homer. He also has 12 steals and is batting .288. He’s like a destitute man’s CarGo. That’s actually a compliment.

Chris Johnson – He took a steam for about two weeks after being hot for over a month. Now, he’s hitting again. Has 3 homers in the last 8 days and is batting *holds hand over mouth while speaking* …Okay, so he’s not hitting for a great average, but he’s hitting homers.

Bud Norris – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks. It’ll be between Daniel Hudson and Norris as to who will be my fifth starter on every team next year like Jonathan Sanchez was this year.

Brandon Lyon – 1 IP, 1 ER and the save. This is coming a day after Lindstrom got a save and two games after Lyon gave up two runs.

Ryan Braun – 2-for-4 with his 21st homer. C’mon, Braun, save face and at least hit more homers than McGehee this year.

R.A. Dickey – 9 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks. He’s only at 50% owned. He’s at a 2.80 ERA on the year. I know, I had hesitation about picking up a knuckleballer too, but you’re a little slow on the uptake at this point, no? Give him a shot already. As someone once said, “The difference between try and triumph is just a little umph.”

Carlos Beltran – Hit his 4th homer yesterday to go along with his 3 steals (not in yesterday’s game, though that wouldn’t be a record). He’s also hitting .236. Aren’t you glad you drafted him? He’s really paying off your patience. Oh, who am I kidding, anyone who drafted Beltran isn’t reading this. They’ve moved onto fantasy football.

Francisco Rodriguez – Charged with criminal contempt in addition to the assault charges. New charges stem from 56 text messages K-Rod sent his girlfriend. I skimmed through the texts and here’s a few of the better ones. First text, “If I text you, will you press charges?” Second text, “You get my first text?” 17th text, “Can you believe Omar Minaya traded away Heath Bell and signed me? Even I find that funny.” 23rd text, “I love pistachios. That is all.” 31st text, “I forget, did you sign me up for unlimited texting?” 45th text, “Where do you buy a meat dress? A fashion designer or a butcher?”

"