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Demi Moore tweeted these bikini pics a few days ago right after there were rumors that Ashton was cheating on her with a random silly blonde. Can you really blame him though? She does look pretty good in these pictures but you have to remember she is 47-years-old and has pooped 3 kids out of her furburger so that thing is probably more beat up than Mel Gibson's ex-wife. Too soon? Okay how about, that thing is probably more beat up than Rihanna after a car ride with Chris Brown.
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Yunesky, You Have Maya Tension
I wanna just throw away this first start by Yunesky Maya. Just ignore it. The reason why I’m having a hard time throwing it away, young Razzball reader, is because I watched him pitch. I’m no scout with fancy scouting degrees from fancy scouting schools where people chew toothpicks and spit chew. I just know what I see. And what I saw yesterday was a guy who throws junk. His stuff didn’t look very overpowering. Reminded me a bit of El Duque without the Funky Cold Delivery. Maybe Maya’s start yesterday was due to nerves. It’s not easy to live up to some recent Cuban raftees. Maya’s Cuban league numbers tell us he’s a guy who should be owned in keepers and dynasty leagues. He did, after all, win The Luis Tiant, the Cuban Cy Young award. And potentially even more enticing with Maya is he’s already 29-years-old, which means he should be in the prime of his career. In redraft leagues, losing to Dillon Gee, who sounds like a bank robber from the 1890s, isn’t a great confidence boost to recommend him for 2010. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Josh Hamilton – With me away on vacation for Labor Day, obviously no one took up the slack to pray every 2 hours towards Mecca that Hamilton wouldn’t get injured. Thanks, guys (and 3 girls)! (How was my vacation? Thanks for asking! It was all right. You know how when you don’t look at something for a while you come back to it with fresh eyes and see things differently? It’s the Jigsaw Puzzle Theorem as demonstrated by your 12-year-old nephew who can’t figure out how to complete the 101 Dalmatians jigsaw then, when he revisits it the next day, it all fits into place. That’s what happened with me. I had this stain dead center on my monitor for the better part of 3 months then, when I returned yesterday, I realized it was just dried tomato sauce and scratched it off with a fingernail. Puttanesca, you dirty sauce!)
Elvis Andrus – Will be out until Friday with hammy woes. I still like Elvis and his bedazzled upside for next year, but you need to find someone who’s producing this year in redraft leagues. (BTW, I have a fat Elvis picture across from my refrigerator in a room I call my kitsch’n.)
David Murphy – 3-for-4 and hitting .400 over the last week. Also hitting third with Hamilton out. He gets a lefty today (bleh) but then some righties.
Alex Rodriguez – The problem is for a lot of these players on contending teams, they’re not needed anymore in the regular season. And there’s the pickle with H2H leagues. A-Rod may coast the rest of the season, making sure he doesn’t re-injure himself. Hamilton’s in this cluster of muckety mucks too.
Jay Bruce – See Alex Rodriguez or 1/8th of an inch above.
Justin Upton – Then you have the opposite side of that same coin. The Diamondbacks aren’t anywhere near a playoff spot, so they won’t force Upton back into action.
Barry Enright – 6 IP, 6 ER. Uncle Barry violated my no-no area over and over again.
Vernon Wells – 3-for-3, 2 RBIs, 2 Runs and 2 homers. But I’m pretty sure Bautista actually hit one of those homers.
John Buck – 2-for-4 with his 17th homer. John Buck has 17 homers?! Make sure to sign the petition to have a humidor put in the Rogers Centre.
Dillon Gee – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks. Gee, that’s great. Unfortunately, he had a 4.96 ERA in Triple-A this year. That’s a pass.
Ike Davis – 2-for-3 with his 18th homer. Now has 3 homers in his last 4 games and hitting .364 over the last week. Look at Ike smacking that pitch up.
Miguel Cabrera – Left the game with bicep tendinitis. He sat out last Friday’s game with this shizz so this isn’t a good sign that it reappeared. It could cost him a few days since the days of numbing the pain by doing body shots out off Miguel Olivo’s navel are in the past.
Billy Butler – According to a Royals’ beat writer, Butler was hurt taking a ground ball off his chest. Guess he wasn’t wearing his metal cone bra.
Ryan Madson – Got the Win and the blown save. Lidge wasn’t used because he has a sore elbow. Sore elbow on a guy who had elbow surgery is bad news. I’d grab Madson everywhere you need saves. Just remember, he has Cuddle Boy tendencies.
Shane Victorino – 2-for-5 with the slam & legs. For what it’s Wuertz, Victorino has 17 homers and 30 steals. You could argue that his average is a bit down this year, but that’s falling on deaf ears as far as I’m concerned.
Nolan Reimold – Well, lookie-lookie. If it ain’t the pot calling the kettle, where the hell you been? A preseason favorite of mine, Reimold hit a homer yesterday. He hasn’t been playing every day since his recall, but I may just like him again next year. You’ve been served (with info)!
B.J. Upton – 2-for-3, 3 Runs and a homer and steal. He has 15 homers and 39 steals. Again, if you’re crying about his average like it’s a knee scrap, go cry to Rudy because you’re not getting any sympathy from me.
James McDonald – 7 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, e, i, e, i, o. I do like McDonald in the right matchups, but this start was against the Braves, who right now like they couldn’t hit the broadside of a barn with an Adam Dunn-driven tractor.
Brandon Lyon – You know what’s the strongest job approval you can get as a closer? When the other guy competing for the job says you’re the closer. That’s what Lindstrom said of Lyon the other day.
Brett Wallace – 1-for-4 with his 1st homer. He’s hitting .204 in 92 ABs. Maybe the 7 teams that traded him away might’ve known something. I’m not writing him off yet, but he’s looked like a White Castle hamburger if you were to replace the hamburger with a turd (assuming White Castle hasn’t done that already).
Jim Thome – He’s showing the young mollywhoppers how the old mollywhoppers used to mollwhop, i.e., he’s hit 4 homers in the last three games.
Josh Johnson – Due to back and side pain, Johnson was scratched from his next start. The chances of his porn star brother, Gosh Johnson, making the start for him are 50-50 if he can find his pants.
Gordon Beckham – Too bad he’s done so little this year to deserve a hand because he could use one right now. More than a week after the injury happened and he’s sitting out due to pain? This is reason to drop him in most leagues.
Trevor Hoffman – Recorded his 600th save. Here are some fun facts about what the world looked like when Hoffman recorded his first save in 1993. Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit had audiences Whoopified, Rick Astley called it quits at the age of 27, saying he won’t play another concert until he becomes an internet meme and Tipper Gore was going through Bill Clinton’s CD collection, removing suggestive titles. Oh, and Trevor Hoffman was still good.
Jhoulys Chacin – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks. Mora made a mental error that led to Chacin’s two earned runs. If not for Mora, Chacin would still be pitching… Well, if the game was still going… And if there was a 12 hour rain delay and Chacin wasn’t officially removed yet. You get my point, Chacin pitched better than his line indicts.
Eric Young Jr. – 2-for-3 with his 14th steal in 34 games. If you don’t love Young, you don’t love yourself. Find someone to talk to.
Justin Masterson – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks. Now has three straight starts of two earned runs given up or less. He gets the Angels again next. Not without its risk, but if you need to take a gamble, there ya go.
Mat Latos – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks. With the Padres pennant race going down to the wire, Latos is probably going to go way over his innings limit. Cust kayin’.
Colby Rasmus – Sounds like Pujols hates Rasmus’ stupid face and thinks he should leave the Cards this offseason. In related Cards news, no word on whether the Cards 2nd best hitter will be attending the annual Israeli event that shares his name — “Challah Day.”
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