Robert E. Lee Is Alive and Living In Montana!

BUTTE, Mont. -- A Montana justice of the peace set to preside over a DUI court later this year has been charged with driving under the influence of drugs. An assistant attorney general filed the misdemeanor DUI charge Thursday against Robert E. Lee. He's charged with driving to the Butte-Silver Bow County Courthouse on Nov. 13 while under the influence of methadone. The synthetic narcotic is used to relieve pain or prevent withdrawal from drug addiction. Lee was to perform a wedding that morning. A blood test confirmed the presence of methadone. Lee says he does not take drugs and he is confident he will be vindicated.



Here's a fastball for your ass before we dive into this post. Robert E. Lee's former home is where Arlington National Cemetery lies today. Fun fact, right? Go run up to a girl and tell her that and watch her melt. Chicks dig history nerds. Anyway, I don't even know where to begin with this story because it's making my blood boil with excitement. Just so many things to point out. First off, what did they expect? Obviously Robert E. Lee was under the influence of methadone. That motherfucker was leading the confederate army all the back in 1864! You don't think it's OK for a guy to smoke a little meth in order to take the edge off? It's not like he was over in Korea and slaying his way to victory by day and tapping yellow ass by night. Civil War pitted brother against brother and resulted in the bloodiest war we've ever seen. If Bob Lee wants to jam a gallon of Heroine in his veins to try and forget the pain then that's his God given right in my opinion. But I think the real kicker here is how Lee is so adamant about fighting the charges. Like where was this swagger back in the day when Ulysses S. Grant made him get on his knees, surrender and blow him in front of both armies? True story. They don't write it in your text books but Ulysses was packing heat in like 5 different ways and Bobby Lee was forced to take it down like a little bitch.