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Kelly Brook was in London last week for her new Reebok advertising campaign and unveiled a new billboard in which she poses naked except for the shoes. I'm still not really sure who Kelly Brook is but I also don't care what she does as long as she keeps wearing really tight spandex and looks like that. She's making me strongly consider buying a pair. Apparently the new Reebok shoes help you get a better ass and legs because of the way they are designed. I think instead of worrying about that damn oil spill the government should be focused on passing a bill that requires all women to wear these.
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Yesterday's Success Is News To Morrow
Brandon Morrow lost the no-hitter but pitched as well as any pitcher this year. 9 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit, 2 Walks and 17 Ks. Though not everyone was impressed. When reached for comment after the game, Adam Lind said, “If you gave me 27 outs, I could strike out 17 times.” Did Morrow go near-no-no vs. the Rays on sheer will or does he have this pedigree? Is he Edwin Jackson no-no or is he Garza no-no? I’d put him in the 2nd phat camp. The only thing holding Morrow back from ace territory is the walks. At 26, there’s time to fix that. Potatoes to chips, he’s only 26 years old and he LEADS (caps for emphasis, not aesthetics) the major leagues for starters in K-rate. You think I’m gonna be excited about drafting him next year? Rhetorical! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Vernon Wells – Day-to-day with a dislocated toe. I’ve dislocated my car keys before and sometimes I’ll dislocate one sock from a pair, but to dislocate a toe is pretty scary.
J.P. Arencibia – 4-for-5 with 2 homers in his first game. Maybe we can fix Mr. Arencibia up with Momma Molina and get ourselves some more Arencibias.
Jonathan Sanchez – 4 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks. I like when he’s Filthy Sanchez; I want to strangle someone when he’s Sloppy Sanchez.
Omar Infante – 1-for-4 with a home run. His fantasy value is infantesimal, but he does lead the majors in average the last 30 days.
Takashi Saito – Got the save because Billy Wagner worked the last three days. In that way Wagner’s like my car, it’s good for about three days then I have to go to my mechanic.
Kevin Slowey – His sore elbow is causing his next start to get pushed back a few days. Figures it happens just when he started pitching well. Why don’t you just take my pea puree while you’re at it?
Matt LaPorta – 3-for-4 and his second homer in 3 games. We’ve had a few false starts from LaPorta this year where it looked like he was about to get hot. Might finally be there now. And that’s me lukewarmly recommending LaPorta!
Chris Carter – Was called up yesterday. With Daric Barton nursing shoulder spasms, Carter will see the bulk of the time at 1st base. Carter was #9 on the top 50 prospects for fantasy baseball. Hit 27 homers with a .262 average in Triple-A this year while driving in 89 RBIs. He can be Ryan Howard in a year or two. If Morrow didn’t pitch the game of the season, Carter would’ve been your lead for today’s roundup. He’s a must grab in keepers and AL-Only leagues, though I imagine he’s gone already. In mixed leagues, I’d grab him if I needed help at my corner infidel spot. I expect he’ll give you what Stanton’s been giving you minus the steals (power, low average), but there’s upside for more.
Andrew Bailey – Will need at least another week. Oh, and Wuertz got another save yesterday.
Angel Pagan – 2-for-4 with two steals to bring his total to 26. Nice that at least someone is stealing on the Mets. Reyes, my sarcasm is directed towards you. If you’re not Jose Reyes you can skip ahead, this is for him. Not sure what’s going on, but you look so tentative on the base paths. You wait until the 4th or 5th pitch of ABs to steal and, by point, the hitter is either striking out or fouling the ball off. Run on the first pitch! Now let’s do our 17 step handshake.
Raul Ibanez – 1-for-4 and a 15 game hitting streak with 4 homers. I-BON-yes.
Rick Porcello – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks. For the person who is going to ask, no, I still don’t like Porcello. I promise December Grey will reevaluate.
Jack Wilson – Fractured his right hand in a slip in the bathroom as he put the oofa in loofah.
Trevor Hoffman – Took longer than I thought it would, but the Brewers are finally saying Hoffman and Axford will share closing duties. If you’re an Axford owner, hope it doesn’t take Hoffman as many opportunities for his 600th as it took A-Rod.
Jeremy Hellickson – Wade Davis and Jeff Niemann are both experiencing shoulder tightness and Hellickson is being held out of his Triple-A start on Tuesday in case the Rays need him. I’d grab Hellickson now because I doubt both pitchers will be pushed with shoulder issues.
Carlos Gonzalez – 4-for-5, 2 Runs, 3 RBIs with his 25th homer and 18th steal. CarGo’s the King of the Slam & Legs. I think he’s officially moving into overrated territory for 2011.
Pedro Alvarez – On Saturday, he hit his third homer in the last five games. He now has 10 homers in 167 ABs. Since the royal we are on the topic of 2011, I think I know who I’m ending up with next year when I punt 3rd base.
Alfredo Simon – Got the save as he gave up two runs. Buck Showalter, if this is the stamp you’re putting on the O’s, it’s making you look Sally Draper crazy.
Felix Pie – 1-for-4 with a homer. This week he also has 2 steals while hitting near-.350. Could be a source of light power and light speed. He’s like a poor man’s Big FraGu.
Jason Vargas – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks and has a 3.12 ERA on the year. His K:BB and K-rate is far from inspiring but he gets the Indians next time out. Seems like a decent H2H gamble (no relation to Rudy).
Chone Figgins – 2-for-3 with his 3rd steal this week. Holy douchetards, Figgy is finally hitting (over .450 in the last week).
Everth Cabrera – 3-for-4, when I saw he had three hits, I immediately thought to myself, has he done that yet this year? He had. On the 2nd day of the season. Ah fanabla…
Jerry Hairston Jr. – 3-for-4, 4 Runs and his 2nd homer in as many games. Jerry Hairston Sr. who?! Huh?! I don’t picture Jr. going on some kind of homer barrage, but he’s shortstop eligible, so there’s that.
Mat Latos – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks. The Padres haven’t let him throw more than a 100 pitches in a month. Cust kayin’.
Chris Coghlan – Done for the year with surgery to repair the injury that he sustained while smashing a cream pie in Wes Helms’ face. Coghlan vowed that next time he will just squeeze his lapel flower and squirt Helms with water.
Leo Nunez – Edwin Rodriguez, the Marlins manager, said that if Nunez doesn’t cut out blowing saves, he’s turning to a closer by committee. When Edwin said it, he made the Full House ‘cut it out’ hand motion. I grabbed Clay Hensley. Afterwards, I thought to myself, did I really just pick up Clay Hensley?
Gordon Beckham – Out with a sore groin. Ozzie said, “I don’t think it’s that bad. I don’t know if he was diving for the ball, or it was just a tight groin. We’ll go by ears how he feels.” I think Ozzie’s confusing seashells with groins.
Angel Sanchez – Hitting .500 over the last week. When I was looking at hitters to pickup for today’s short schedule, I looked at Angel Sanchez for a long time, but I got William Shatner finger and I….just…couldn’t….pick…him…up.
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