Razzball Fantasy Baseball Daily Post - August 5

Elisabetta Canalis, George Clooney's perfectly shaped & 18-years younger girlfriend, went boating near his house on Lake Como in Italy. I know what everyone is thinking - "she's driving a tight boat, why isn't she going any faster?" but let's focus on the more important topic at hand - we have finally discovered who Sisqo had in mind while writing the "Thong Song".

As always, be sure to check out Razzball and consider donating to their site.

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Prospecto alla Arencibia

J.P. Arencibia was called up by the Buckless Jays. In Triple-A, Arencibia hit 31 homers in 379 ABs. That’s-a one spicy prospect! To go all Latin America on you, there’s a caveat. That was in the PCL, which is like playing on the moon with an aluminum bat. He’s not quite the prospect of Wieters, Posey or Carlos Santana, pre-Kalish yelling at him, “Eat everything off your plate!” I’d pick up Arencibia if you just lost Santana or if you’re just hurting at catcher, in general. Conservatively, I’d give him 6 homers and a terrible average. But he’s capable of more and that’s why you grab him. When we’re dealing with such short sample sizes as the final two months, it’s worth the flyer to see if he surprises with an extended hot streak. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Carlos Zambrano – Will return to the Cubs rotation on Monday vs. the Giants. Assuming the uneasy truce between Big Z, Derrek Lee and the Gatorade cooler sticks.

Kris Medlen – Left the game with an injury to the ulnar collateral ligament. That’s longhand for ‘trouble.’ He’s droppable in all mixed leagues.

Carlos Pena – Has a tear in his plantar fascia, which sounds like the color your wife wants to paint the bathroom. Right now, I’m trying to decide between Warm Khaki and Plantar Fascia for my kitchen. That’s nice, random italicized voice. Pena hopes to be back by this weekend. We shall see. Or not. Your choice.

David Price – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, but didn’t get the win because Scott Baker decided to show up (8 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks). Even when Baker isn’t hurting me, he’s hurting me.

Matt Capps – Blew the save yesterday. Storen was good but young, Clippard was a mess at times, Burnett’s a lefty. I.e., Capps was pretty secure in Washington. The Twins are trying to win a division and Rauch casts a very long shadow, which is only partially because he’s eight feet tall.

Carlos Gonzalez – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and two homers. Go back and read this. I’m a genius! (Even though I always need my spellchecker to spell genius. Genuis just looks better, sioux me.)

Geovany Soto – 3-for-5, 5 RBIs and his 15th homer. He does it again!

Brett Anderson – 7 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks. Not sure what his deal was last time out when he was rocked, but so far when Anderson has been healthy, he’s been excellent. No reason I see that changing. Health’s the issue, not stuff.

Michael Wuertz – Got the 1-2-3 save. I might be making this up, but I think this is the first time all year that I’ve grabbed a guy for vulture saves and I actually got a clean save out of it.

Ervin Santana – 3 2/3 IP, 9 ER, 14 baserunners, 4 Ks. I’ve been Pwnson’d!

Peter Bourjos – 2-for-4 with a steal. He’s alive with SAGNOF. On Bill James’ Speed Score, where 5 is average, Bourjos turns it to an 11. Actually, that’s a lie. He’s probably a 9. Carl Crawford leads the majors with an 8.7. Bourjos just ran into your room, mussed your hair, re-combed it to exactly the same place and left the room before you even noticed.

Luke Scott – Guess what he did again. Go ahead, guess. I’ll wait. Nope, didn’t steal a base. No, he didn’t hit for the cycle. No, he didn’t walk your dog for you. How would he even get in your house? He homered! Again.

Alfredo Simon – 1 IP, 1 ER and the save. I guess Mike G.’s going to be the closer again. Any day now, Buck.

Justin Masterson – 5 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks vs. the Red Sox. Nice to see Justin Masterson: Passive Aggressive Fantasy Starter make another appearance.

Russell Martin – To the DL with a tear in his hip. I think the same thing happened to Larry King. Russell Martin may need to wear suspenders.

Vicente Padilla – 9 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks. I know it’s weird that you should own Padilla, but you really should own Padilla.

Mike Stanton – Hit his 10th homer in 170 ABs. In 500 ABs, that’s a nice handful of homers. Not talking this year. I’m talking 2011. I cannot wait for Bill James’ Stanton projections in November. At least 35 homers and 7 steals.

Paul Konerko – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer in the last ten games. He goes crazy hot or crazy cold. He’s yes or he’s no. He’s in or he’s out. He’s up or he’s down.

Edwin Jackson – 7 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners (only one walk), 6 Ks. You’d think the Tigers would know to be a little more patient with Jackson. I still wouldn’t grab Edwin in roto leagues, but he gets the Suckie-O’s next. That’s a decent gamble in H2H leagues.

Brandon Inge – 3-for-4 in his return to the lineup. That was quick. He had a broken bone in his hand and was supposed to miss six weeks. That was two weeks ago. If he only had as much ability as he has desire to play or have books read to him.

Adam Dunn – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs, 2 homers. You can’t spell Big Donkey without donk. It’s a fact.

Kila Ka’aihue – He got the start. It’s a celebration, snitches! He went 1-for-4 with a strikeout. It’s a bittersweet celebration. Here’s what Stephen said earlier in the year, “The power is legit. If given the chance at full playing time, the Royals could have a 25 homer, .400 OBP first baseman/DH.” And that’s me cutting and pasting Stephen! I agree, and I like Kila if the peasant Royals play him. Ka’aihue is a total masher, poi. Unfortunately, I think the Royals would prefer to play old ‘n dusty Jose Guillen.

Johnny Cueto – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. Last year, he was dreckitude in the 2nd half. This year he had a 5.33 ERA in April and 2.88 since. He’s in a good divison. Pittsburgh, Houston… Cards aren’t even that good. Pujols, Holliday, then ‘Ooh, I’m scared, it’s Jon Jay.’

Juan Francisco – 3-for-5 as he got the start while Rolen rested. Hard to recommend him in redraft, mixed leagues because he doesn’t have an every day job, but in keepers and NL-Only leagues go to it.

Mike Sweeney – Phillies acquired him for cash from the M’s. The cash was said to be in the twelve hundred dollar range, but the Phillies used a Bed, Bath & Beyond 20% off coupon, so it came out to less. Sweeney will play every day at first while Howard mends. Sweeney’s only for the very³ desperate.

Travis Snider – 0-for-5 as he hit leadoff. Hey, I’m excited about the prospects of Snider as anyone. But leadoff? Really? Guess Gaston looks at his lineup and sees nine different six hole hitters and pulls a name out of a hat.

Chris Johnson – 1-for-3 with another homer. Why haven’t you picked him up yet? Afraid of success? That’s what your girlfriend says about you behind your back.

J.A. Happ – 1 IP, 7 ER. The Astros got Jokey Smurf’d.

Phil Hughes – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks. Has now only pitched past the 6th inning once in his last three starts. His June ERA was 5.17 and 5.52 in July. Who else do you have on your team for name recognition? Glass Chipper? The Glue Formerly Known As El Caballo?

Derek Jeter – 4-for-4, 3 Runs. Pretty disappointing year for Jeter. Blame the ground balls. He’s at 67% for balls hit on the ground. The next closest person is Juan Pierre at 61.5%. No one has come close to leading the league at that high of a percentage since Luis Castillo hit 66% in 2007. And that’s not even a fair comparison because Castillo hit some fly balls that just didn’t reach the pitcher in the air.

Alex Rodriguez – Became the fastest player to 600 home runs. Was also the fastest player to frost his tips blonde, to get the names Brandon and Bronson mixed up, to press charges against Selena Roberts, to ask Joba “How’s your Mom?” while she sat in a Nebraska prison, to tell Girardi his braces “are really cool,” to say to Brain Cashman, “Where’s the Cash, man?!” then laugh hysterically and, finally, A-Rod was the fastest player to prematurely ejaculate onto Madonna.

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