Jersey Shore Episode 2 Breakdown

-The boys return from the club. Ronnie has what I call the "drunk voice" working. It's that raspy, I've been yelling all fucking night and I can rule the world type of voice. 80% of the time I have that voice.

-Ronnie says he's gonna go sleep with sammi. This is all about 3 hours after he called her cunt and 2 hours after he made out with 2 grenades at the same time. Props to Ronnie. Kid has some balls.

-The Situation says "the whole Ronnie and Sam situation? Baaad situation." That counts for like 3 drinks right?

-Ronnie wakes up and says what the fuck? Doesn't remember a thing. Oh, he also has his wrist taped in his interview. Is that new? I like the style. That's my new way of saying I destroyed shit last night. 

-"I.F.F. I'm Fucked Foundation." Love that.

-Sammi wakes up and Ronnie gives her the "Oh shit" face. A.K.A. Did we do anything? Oh shit. We did? Ooooh shit.

-Sammi asks the boys about Ronnie's behavior. All they say is "he was drunk. To say the least." Just bros looking out for other bros.

-Girls go shopping because Miami shopping is different from Jersey. So it's slutty instead of trashy. Jwoww describes it as "perfect, pefect, perfect. It's my scene." I rest my case.

-Snooki drops $395 on glasses. How does this bitch have that much money? That's why the world hates us.

--Snooks drops all the marinated chicken on the floor from the fridge. Vinnie panics and asks The Situation what do. "Pick the shit up, dog!"

-Snooki and Jwoww confront Angelina about talking shit. Jwoww tells her she heard it from her best friends named "J-420, Joey yanks, and Bill" I bet Bill doesn't fit in very well.

-Angelina is given 3 options from Jwoww. A) You can stay get your ass beat or B) You can stay and get your fucking ass  beat, C) you can stay and get you fucking ass beat. I think I'd go with A.

Situation says "Jwoww is up in the gym, throwing out combos. It's like Rocky Vs. Apollo. Rocky doesn't stand a chance right now."

-Pauly D is promoting a grenade free america. At least somebody is doing it.

-The Situation tells the girls about Ronnie being an idiot. He's such a shit stirrer. How hasn't he got his ass beat?

-Last year the boys of Jersey told us about GTL. Now it's T-Shirt time. You gotta rock the shirt before the shirt and then right before it's time to leave, you throw the real T-shirt on.

-Angelina must die. Cock blocking on Pauly D like a motherfucker because he's dancing with a married girl or soon to be married girl or some bullshit. Pauly D says "I aint trying to get married! I'm trying to have a good time."

-Drunk Angelina confesses her love for Pauly, slaps him, cries then confesses her love again. Pauly D and Situation tell her she has nobody in the house and everyone hates her. I give it 3 weeks before this bitch is off the show.