Razzball Fantasy Baseball Daily Post - August 6

This girl is like the Mother Theresa of the pagan world. She has a magical vagina, great cleavage and isn't afraid to show off the latter. She was tweeting pics of her great cleavage the past 2 days which caused the worst workplace dip in productivity since March Madness. Anyone who tweets awesome pics of their cleavage should be followed - I think 4.3 million people agree with me. Oh yeah, she's got a hot 14-year-old sister.


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Picking Up This Minor Is Statutory

Almost a 11 K/9 in the minors is, uh, Mike Minor. He major, Kanye. I hope Roberto Kelly doesn’t come back to visit the Braves because when R. Kelly sees a minor, urine trouble! So should you play some Gary Glitter if you’re lusting after this Minor? In 118 2/3 IP this year, he has 144 Ks and 44 walks. Hello, beautiful. Want me to continue? Of course you do. You’re greedy. In Triple-A through five starts, his ERA is 1.99 while rocking a .171 BAA. He probably only has around 7 starts left in his arm this year before the Braves shut him down, but that’s all right, no one has many starts left. Minor’s a must grab in NL-Only and keepers. In mixed leagues, I’d grab him for his first start vs. the Astros, then go from there. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Kris Medlen – Medlen’s donezo. Shut it down, Kris. He’s about to. Medlen’s headed for TJ surgery, which is when six drunk frat boys give a horse tranquilizer to– Wait, checking notes. Ah, that’s Tijuana, not Tommy John.

Kevin Youkilis – Out for the season. You kinda knew this was coming. What can you do? Put on a potato sack and walk into traffic? Sure, but after that?

Carlos Delgado – He’s got suitors. Right now, his Mom’s fielding calls while he tries on dresses. Who really wants to take Delgado’s I-haven’t-played-in-two-years virginity? Wouldn’t be surprised if he lands with one of the Sox. Red would be my guess, but the White ones might pull it out. Means nothing unless he gets hot and you’re crazy desperate. He’s old and rusty right now.

Jason Bay – Reportedly not close to returning. That’s more good news from Bay.

James McDonald – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks. Not that long ago, I liked McDonald. Then the Dodgers diddled him as they’re wont to do. Now he’s in the Pirates rotation and there’s no reason they shouldn’t throw him out there every fifth day. McDonald should K around 8 per nine. (In the minors, he had a 9+ K-rate in his career.) His walks can get wonky, but in deep leagues, he’s definitely worth a look.

Joaquin Benoit – 1 IP, 2 ER. I haven’t had room for many MRs this year. Been chasing too many saves. Two days ago, I found room on one team for Benoit. He had given up only 3 earned runs the entire year. Until yesterday. When I was picking up Benoit, a little old lady walked passed my window chanting “Flores para los muertes.” I should’ve known it wasn’t a good sign.

Jhoulys Chacin – Returning to the Rockies rotation. He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell. You can hardly wait! Yes, you can. Or can’t. Whichever one makes more sense.

Roy Oswalt – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks. What’s red, gray and all over the strike zone? Oswalt. Against a more patient team this would’ve been a very ugly start. Cust kayin’.

Daisuke Matsuzaka – 8 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks. It was against the Indians, I shouldn’t have to say more.

Nyjer Morgan – Hits the DL with hip pain. He hurt it falling on one of Ronnie’s grenades.

Ryan Zimmerman – 2-for-4 with two homers. After the game, the press couldn’t wait to talk to him about Strasburg.

David Murphy – With Vlad resting for the playoffs just about every other game, Murphy has seen a decent amount of time lately. In the last ten games, he has three homers and two homers in back-to-back games. He has 7 homers right now. I wouldn’t be surprised if ended the year with 15 homers. He doesn’t face many lefties, so you’ll have platoon him into your fantasy lineup, but I like him. If it makes you feel better, I grabbed him in one league.

Adrian Beltre – 1-for-4 with his 20th homer and 75th RBI as he bats .336. How’s this for a nickname for Beltre? The Contract Killer.

Mike Gonzalez – Came in the 8th inning, gave up a single to the lefty Abreu and was promptly lifted. The problem, if there is a problem, is Buck Showalter might see Mike Gonzalez and think he’s a LOOGY. Sometimes old school managers see a lefty and get confused. For further discussion, see Bobby Cox’s handling of Gonzalez.

Nick Markakis – Sparkakis! He actually leads the major leagues in doubles which makes me think he might be a sleeper next year. Doesn’t change how terrible he’s been this year though.

Max Scherzer – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 Ks in a no-decision against the White Sox. Don’t look now but that’s 11 straight starts where Der Hurler has thrown at least 5 IP and given up no more than 4 runs. His WHIP will be high until he gets better control but he’s a good option if you need K’s (nearly a K an inning this year).

Kevin Slowey – Masterful for 7 innings against the Rays (0 ER, 2 baserunners) then ol’ Gardy brings him out in the 8th only to give up an Upton HR then load the bases so Mahay can give up a pinch-hit grand slam to Jason Bartlett. I can picture every fantasy owner seeing him come out for the eighth saying ‘Nooooooo!’ in slowey-mowey.

Russell Martin – Sounds like he’s done for the season. Too bad, so sad.

Bobby Jenks – You know Ozzie couldn’t have been happy when Jenks gave up a 3 run lead by giving up a two out, 3-run HR to Ryan Raburn. When Ozzie confronted him about it, Jenks pissed him off further by getting into a sumo wrestling pose instead of donning a mask and putting on tights.

Kila Ka’ahiue – The Good Eyein’ Hawai’ian got himself a place to play. The Royals traded him? Nope. That crazy guy who wanted to kill Matt Stone and Trey Parker put a jihad on the Royals and took over their team? Nope. The Royals designated Jose Guillen for assignment. Holy shizz balls, the Royals are making sense! Member two months ago when I sat behind you at your computer and kept buzzing you with an electrical current to pick up Ka’aihue? Don’t make me do it again, my electric bill was outrageous.

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