Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Did I Really Spend 1 Hour and 45 Minutes Watching This Movie Called "Going The Distance"

Big fan of Charlie Day, saw he was in the movie, it was on HBO and quickly DVR'd it for a boring day and a way to kill some time. No secret I'm a sucker for romantic comedies. Big mistake. Huge. Here's a little synopsis for your ass in the classic "Ogling Ed Hochuli Ruins a Movie for You Part 3." Two main characters are Justin Long and Drew Barrymore. I come from the movie camp of never making your storyline revolve around a clown like Justin Long, who used to play a dorky teenage at that show "Ed" and Drew Barrymore who's career should have been on life support by 2004. Maybe even retire after Never Been Kissed bombed. Chick is a nerd. No way she can be a love interest or leading lady in anyway. Did I mention she's ugly as shit? Anyway, movie starts off in NYC. Justin Long breaks up with his too hot for him girlfriend after he didn't buy her a bday gift and he goes to the bar to drown his sorrows while Drew Barrymore is getting shitted on by her boss at her newspaper internship so she also retreats to the watering hole for a drink. And now we're supposed to believe love happens by the two of them happening to compete on some pacman bullshit arcade game? Like it was meant to be because they're the two highest scores of all time on it? Blow me. You know how old Drew Barrymore is? 35. We're supposed to believe she could pull off a 20 something grad student? I'm not dumb, hollywood. Anyway, these two embark on a 6 week relationship before she has to return to college in California in the fall to finish school and they decide to keep the long distance relationship going. Talking on the phone everyday, ignoring the 3 hour time difference and all that. You know what else the movie ignores? Life over a 4 month period of not seeing each other. So Justin Long went home after work and just sat on his computer all day and night? Didn't talk to any girls? Didn't see any temptations out there? 4 months. Not 4 weeks. 4 fucking months. Let this all be a lesson to you fucks who think it'll be easy to keep your relationship going in college. It's not gonna happen. You'll break up by October. I'm not sure what time timeline is here but I think Justin Long goes out to visit Barrytits in November and they do their thing bu then they don't visit each other again until April. Oh whoops, Barrymore has always said she wants move back to NYC but the newspaper industry is in disarray. That's actually a big part of the storyline. She has a job offer from some San Francisco paper but that means she's gonna be living in Cali permanently. Justin Long flips a shit because Drew didn't tell him she interviewed at the Cali paper. I'm not sure if they break up here or what. There's a ton of resentment back and forth and childish yelling about why one of them is selfish for wanting to stay in their respective cities and yada, yada, yada. Anyway, they break up for sure. 6 months passes. Neither of them has fucked anyone or got into any type of relationship? Riiiight. Because that's how life goes. Barrymore gets a package one day with tickets from Long for a concert featuring one of the first bands they saw together. She's touched as fuck. Bout to cry and shit. Did I mention Justin Long works for a record label in NYC? Managing and searching for talent and all that gay stuff? I should've. That's kind of big too. So Drew Uglytits goes to the concert, totally thinking Justin Long is in NYC. WRONG! Justin Long is now the manager of this once little known band and he's permantly moved out LA! Yay! We all win! Except that LA is a 6 hour car ride from San Francisco or 1 hour by plane. But we're totally gonna ignore ticket fares and gas prices.

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