This Is My Nightmare In 2 Parts

For the first time in a Red Sox uniform, Adrian Gonzalez is proving that he is human. The All-Star first baseman is 2-for-24 since the break after another hitless effort in a 6-2 loss in Baltimore on Tuesday night. For most players in the game, it's a stretch that would barely be mentioned, even in his own home. For Gonzalez, who hit .341 in May and .404 in June, it is enough to at least draw some increased attention, especially in light of his participation in the Home Run Derby during the break. The event is often said to destroy the swings of its participants, despite sporadic quantitative proof. Gonzalez said that is not a factor in his uncharacteristic swoon. "That's not an excuse," he said. "I think the days off is worse than anything else. I don't think the Home Run Derby had anything to do with it." Gonzalez has swung at a handful of pitches out of the zone and has had his fair share of check swings, a sure sign of lack of recognition. He admits something is off.

You're not gonna find me trying to rip Gonzo a new one. I can't. The only player I like more is Pedey. I simply adore him and he can do no wrong in my eyes. But to take a page out of Larry David's book, having said that, I'm terrified. I hate the home run derby and i hate my guys to participate in it. It sounds like a great idea and I'm sure the players love to show they can mash on national television but it never ends well and you're never the same after.That's actually the exact piece of advice I tell random girls with no morals who want to hook up with Donahue. Yeah, you might giggle and you might think he's somethign to talk about because you don't know him like we do but tomorrow you're gonna wake up and be statistic on the doctor's office wall.

Reddick has fast become a fan favorite in Boston. But while he's capable of being an everyday big league right fielder, his value will never be higher than it is now. Reddick has hit .367 with four homers and 18 RBI in his impressive 2011 campaign, but he's done so in a very small sample size, and he can't sustain that type of success. Plus, many still view Ryan Kalish as the Red Sox' right fielder of the future. Reddick wouldn't be nearly enough if the Red Sox shoot for a big name like Jose Reyes or Ubaldo Jimenez, but if they set their sights on Hiroki Kuroda, Michael Cuddyer or Carlos Beltran, his name could come into play.

I've been saying this all year. If we trade Reddick, I will start burning down the homes of the elderly. Just gruesome shit.  I haven't liked a player who's been called up so much since Wily Mo and everyone knows how much I love Wily Mo. The only difference here is Reddick is a fucking player. I mean the dude rakes, fields, and might one of the most underrated base runners in the league. I don't understand why we'd shop him around. He also has the best hair on the team. Not even a question there. I actually saw his hair flowing out of his hat one night and right then and there I decided against getting a haircut and now I got the cutest little flow that 2 year olds want to play with in line at CVS. He was also #24 and you know he's not gonna take that number in Boston until he knows he's gonna be here a while. Here's my idea. No trades unless it's for another pitcher. We're the best team in baseball by far. Don't fuck it up. The Yankees need to make a deal or it's for them. Not us. We get Lester healthy and Bucholz healthy and keep this Drew/Reddick platoon going and we're golden. That right field bat we need is Ryan Kalish and he's listed day to day. Take a lesson from Obama's page and do nothing. Oh wait.


P.S. I woke up this morning and couldn't walk. Foot blew up like Kuwait over night. Big goon from New Hartford with ugly cleats, I'm comin for ya. Looks like me and the cat are gonna be having a contest to see who can move the least and fall asleep in the most sexual positions. Expect posts out the anus.