Sunday, January 31, 2010

John Terry Is The Worst Friend Ever


When a court overturned an injunction on publishing some John Terry gossip, we thought it was a standard "affair with teammate's girlfriend." But, holy shit. We had no idea. According to the News of the World, which must have been furious that the courts held up this epic scoop, Terry and Vanessa Perroncel have been carrying on since at least September — behind the backs of Terry's teammate at Chelsea and for England, Wayne Bridge, and oh yeah, Terry's wife. Early in their relationship, they became worried because they hadn't used protection. Sure enough, they found out Perroncel was pregnant. They then waited five weeks before deciding to get an abortion. (Like that bolding? Very British tabloid.) Terry asked for permission to leave national team practice to be by her bedside. (One can imagine Bridge asking him why he had to leave. Poor, poor bastard.) After the procedure, Terry gave Perroncel £20,000 to "cheer herself up". And apparently, the experience brought them closer together.

Essentially what we have here is the Tiger Woods of England and it might even be bigger than that. This isn't just some athletic scandal. This is equivalent to Obama knocking up Biden's wife and then they gotta go solve world peace together. I'm not even exaggerating that because that's how important soccer is over there, especially when it concerns the captain of the national team. On top of all of it, she got an abortion. Yeah, eat your heart out Tebow. This is just one of those stories you read and the only reaction is, "holy shit." There are only 3 times in your life where 'holy shit' is completely acceptable to say in public, even around children. If you see a cat beating up a dog, the white house is on fire, and when 2 world famous athletes are involved in a sex scandal that includes an affair, an abortion and a french underwear model.

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