What Lauren Has In Her Pocket?

JACKSON, Mich. -- Jackson police are working to crack a case of fowl play. They're searching for a man who broke into an apartment about 11 p.m. Tuesday and stole a family's holiday turkey.Police Lt. Christopher Simpson told the Jackson Citizen Patriot the man ran into the kitchen and stole the turkey out of the freezer. He said the 6-foot, 300-pound bald man "fled with turkey in hand." Police said a woman and two children were home at the time, and no one was injured.


Uhhhhh. Yes. I love this story for so many reasons. First, I thin no matter what the circumstance is, 6 foot, 300-pound bald men are absolutely hilarious. Just the vision of them. An instant punch line in my opinion just like when you're conversing about any subject and someone says Dan Donahue and it brings a chuckle from the crowd. But let's face facts. You gotta give the man his props for fleeing with the turkey in hand. I mean it's not like you're carrying the pigskin across the 5 yard line here. I need Green Bay to sign this drunk asshole to a contract to protect my fantasy QB, Aaron Rodgers.