Things I Hate

1) Halloween - Let's give bitches an excuse to dress up as sluts then they have the nerve to complain about rape. And let's throw in candy and chocolate because I can't stand either. Everyone knows I have sensitive teeth and refuse to eat anything chocolate related without a glass of milk. You think I'm gonna show up to a party with a gallon of milk? You might as well call me Harvey Milk. That's social suicide. I mean bringing milk to a party, not being gay. Anyway. I don't like costumes. And what if I go and don't wear a costume? You get labeled as the "cool guy." Yeah, well if "cool" means it doesn't burn when I pee then I think I come out on top.

2) When announcers say a player does a great job at "managing" a game. Hey dickhead, fans don't wanna see you hand off a football and throw short underneath passes for 6 yards. Chicks dig the long ball. I wanna see a guy who is willing to wheel and deal and maybe get picked off to only come back out on the next series and light up the scoreboard. You gotta put your balls out there to become great. And that's not football, that's just life. Those are my words of wisdom to you, Steve Caruso.

3) Zdeno Chara - Yeah I know I'm supposed to have this whole Boston love for him and all that fun shit but fuck him. The guy is like 6' 7''. He picked on Sean Avery all day today. He's 5 foot 9. Give the little guy a break. I don't like the 7 year old kid who laughs at me when I run up my driveway after I take out the garbage because I'm afraid of the dark but you won't see me throwing my elbow into his nose when he comes into my zone. Chara is just a bully and he knows it. At least Avery know he's going to get the shit knocked out of him and he still runs his mouth. Or maybe he's just stupid. Regardless, He's #1 on my list for things I love.

4) Break-ups. Enough said.

5) Justin-Bobby. I love a man with 2 first names but the whole double first name thing doesn't fly with me. And what's up with the text message game he plays. "Strike 2 boo. I'll call you later." Regular Billy Shakespeare over there.

6) SocialInterview.com - I really don't. I mean I don't care that Jordon Brault gives great hugs because I already know that but when Joe Incorvia answered "what does Paden Sadler never leave home without?" with "his ego" I spit my milk out. Hilarious.

7) Mat Kearney - for always making me sad and not give up on love.

8) Joe Buck and Tim McCarver - Do I really have to explain that? Just last Mccarver went on a 5 minute rant about how shocked he was that Chase Utley swung at a first pitch fastball.

9) Goalies - Yup. Must be nice standing in your ivory tower shouting directions as the other 10 guys bust their ass in front of you.

10) You - Most likely.

11) Taylor Swift - Ughhhhhh. You were 15 and he told you he loved you and you believed him. That's not his fault. Maybe he actually did love you. And maybe he was actually a changed dude. Stop ruining life for people like me. And maybe you're just a conceited bitch who thinks she should have the world handed to her on a platter. Like how did Beyonce win video of the year but loses best female video? Tell 'em, Mr West.

12) The morning sun - When it's in your face it really shows your age.

13) Texts after 12:30 AM - Either I'm sleeping or I'm drunk. So you're either going to get a reply that says "fuck you" or eehhhh yup. You already know.