Alex Morgan women's soccer

PUEBLA, MEXICO - California women's soccer sophomore Alex Morgan earned an assist playing in her first-ever international match, representing the U.S. in the CONCACAF Under-20 World Cup Qualifying Tournament at Estadio Cuauhtemoc in Puebla, Mexico. Morgan received a pass at midfield, turned and played a through-ball to Michelle Enyeart, who put the ball past Trinidad & Tobago net-minder Kimika Forbes in the ninth minute of the match. Enyeart would go on to score two more goals on the day for a hat track.

The U.S. controlled the match from start to finish, but needed a little luck to escape an early scare when two Trinidad & Tobago players got behind U.S. defenders. Goalkeeper Alyssa Naeher came off the line and covered the ball before any damage could be done. A few minutes later, Morgan set off scoring for the U.S. with her assist to Enyeart.

The U.S. went up 2-0 in the 30th minute when Enyeart took a pass from team-captain Keelin Winters. The pass set Enyeart up alone facing Forbes, who surrendered her second goal of the day. Two minutes later, Kelly O'Hara put the U.S. up 3-0. In the second half, Enyeart completed her hat trick on an unassisted goal to put the match out of reach for Trinidad & Tobago.

With the win, the U.S. ties Mexico for points in Group A after the first day of matches. The U.S. is in second place however, due to a lower goal differential (+4 to +7). The top two teams from each group will play in the semifinals, and the top three teams in the tournament will advance to the 2008 FIFA Under-20 Women's World Cup in Chile. Eleven nations have already qualified for the U-20 World Cup: host Chile; Japan, China and North Korea from Asia; France, Germany, Norway and England from Europe; New Zealand from Oceania; and Brazil and Argentina from South America.

Morgan had a phenomenal freshman year for the Golden Bears, starting in 15 of the 17 games she appeared in. The 5-7 forward helped Cal to a 15-5-1 record and a second-round appearance in the NCAA Tournament as she scored a team-high eight goals. She also put up two assists and led the team in total points with 18 in her first year on campus. Morgan was a Pac-10 Conference All-Freshman Team selection and earned honorable mention for all-conference honors.

Alex Morgan’s boyfriend Servando Carrasco

Fast Facts

• Time Together: Alex and Servando have been dating since attending Cal together. Servando now plays for the Seattle Sounders of the MLS, while Morgan plays for both Team USA and the Western New York Flash.
  In a lengthy article that profiled the couple on the Sounders home page, Servando admitted he probably wouldn't be paying attention to the US Women if not for Alex:
  “We’re all extremely proud of her. To be playing in the World Cup when you’re 21 years old is an amazing accomplishment. Now that my girlfriend is playing in the World Cup, I’ll be watching. Whether it’s 5 o’clock in the morning or any other time.”
• Fast Facts: While covering the US Women's soccer team this week, we're once again asking you guys to vote on Alex Morgan, not Servando Carrasco.

I've Danced This Dance Before. Don't You Lie To Me Theo. Not Today. Not Now

Q: Has Josh Reddick made the decision pretty easy about who should be playing right field right now? TE: You can't deny what Josh Reddick is doing and you can't deny that he's a different player than he's been. Josh Reddick has always had all the talents. From the day that we drafted him, the ball jumped off his bat as well as just about any player in our system and he was always really athletic, always a really good outfielder, always a playmaker out in the outfield, always a pretty dynamic baserunner. It was simply a question with Josh, and always has been, of his plate discipline and going up there and not only repeating his swing mechanics but going up there with a plan, working the count, swinging at good pitches and putting himself in a position where he could let that explosiveness off his bat play and let his natural instincts play up there. You can't put too much emphasis on 100 or so at bats, but the bottom line is he finished up so strong last year at Pawtucket to repeat his swing and swing at strikes and went off and hit for a ton of power. And he's been really good all year, not only up here but when he was in Triple A, I know his batting average was low but he was swinging at strikes, he was walking a lot more, he was hitting for power, so I think this is a different guy and a really exciting piece, not only now but for the future. So, again, Tito makes out the lineup, and I'm sure he's going to have a decision to make on a nightly basis, but I don't want to speak for him, but certainly Josh is somebody who's helped us win games you want to put in a position to have him continue to do that.

I swear to you right now. If Theo ends up trading away Josh Reddick and this whole "exciting piece for the future" talk is all mind games to trick another team then Donahue will start raping 8 year olds, one by one. First it'll be the brunettes and then blondes. Nothing and I mean nothing sets me off more than that doublespeak, dishonest bullshit that so many GMs use. One minute you're talking up your players and the next you're hoping some shmuck like the Mets hears it and they offer you everything but the kitchen sink for him. I actually know a ton of chicks who would be great GMs. Just dishonest, conniving little slut rags who deserve nothing more than to get beat by their fathers. 


P.S. I felt bad about that getting beat by their fathers line right after I typed it. Domestic abuse isn't funny. Unless it's deserved. For example, a dishonest, conniving little slut rag would deserve this.

Ozzie Guillen Gets Nailed in Eye, White Sox Lose, Ozzie Rants - In That Order

Last night was not a good night for Ozzie Guillen. The Chicago White Sox were leading the 40-57 Kansas City Royals 1-0 in the bottom of the 8th inning. Then the Royals tied it 1-1. Then one batter later Ozzie Guillen got nailed in the right eye with a foul ball.

Then in the bottom of the 11th the White Sox lost on a wild pitch. All of those factors added up to another classic Ozzie Guillen post-game rant. Try to keep track of all of Ozzie's F-bombs in this one. Ready. Set. Go!

After the game he tweeted a phrase that translated to "going to the red wine" but apparently it was a reference to the Venezuelan soccer game. He obviously went home after this game and got hammered so I'm going to stick with believing it's the wine translation.

Gruesome Video of Stephen Drew Sliding Into Home & Breaking His Ankle

Last night in the Arizona Diamondbacks vs. Milwaukee Brewers game, Diamondbacks short stop Stephen Drew tried to score from second on a single by Chris Young. Drew slid into home and suffered a gruesome broken ankle that will require season ending surgery. It was a freak accident and the video is brutal yet I can't stop watching it over and over. Now if only this would happen to JD Drew soon.

Killing It and Not Even Trying To

I love it when chicks wear those things. What is it called? Onesie? Romper? Rumper? Jumper? Something like that, right? I don't know what it is but it's working.

Adrianne Curry is Really Good at Twitter...Again

Adrianne Curry is back to tweeting pictures of herself in barely any clothes this week. She has been going to the pool/tanning/spending tons of time making her nerdy costume for Comic Con and tweeting pictures of it.

Does she realize that she's putting all of this effort into looking hot to go to Comic Con? The people that go to Comic Con only care that you have 2 X chromosomes. Wearing a costume like that to Comic Con will probably get you roofied. To be honest, I'm not totally sure which one she is in the picture on the right below and I'm happy about it.

Spider-Man 4 Trailer Released

We are on a roll with trailers being released for movies that don't come out until Summer 2012. Last week The Dark Knight Rises trailer was released and now we have the trailer for The Amazing Spider-Man. Yeah, you're right. It is sort of a gay title. This movie is a reboot in the Spider-Man series which means you're supposed to forget all of the previous Spider-Man films but I'm not sure even a lobotomy could remove this scene from being etched into my brain.

God that scene was awful. I mean, yeah. Just yeah. I don't even have words to describe it. Luckily the only way to go from there is up. The Amazing Spider-Man will be released July 3, 2012 and stars Andrew Garfield as Peter Parker, Emma Stone as Peter's hot blonde girlfriend Gwen Stacy and Rhys Ifans as a scientist Dr. Curt Connors who turns into a lizard monster. It focuses on Peter Parker developing his super powers in high school.

Didn't I already see most of this movie 9 years ago? We get it, he gets bit by a spider and gets super spider powers. Oh well, it still looks pretty badass. Especially the part of the trailer where the movie goes into POV. We have 3-D and 1080p with screens bigger than Gabourey Sidibe so we might as well utilize them with sweet POV action scenes of Spider-Man jumping from building to building. Below are pictures from EW and some from on the set. Check them all out after the break.

Photos: EW.com & Super Hero Hype

This Is The Last Post That Will Ever Have To Do With This So Called "Blog War"

So the general consensus is that I'm awesome, right? And that I'm the Godfather and virtually untouchable? Rightfully so. I earned this shit.  And there will be no spilled blood until I say so and right now I say let it rain. I love it. But seriously, mention me one more time in a negative light and I swear to Andre 3000, I'll fucking slit your throats.


P.S. They're not seriously hating on Tina cuatto are they? Respect your elders. Little secret is that I've had a crush on her for years so I'll defend her honor. Or does she have a brother that I don't know about?

Paris Hilton Storms Out of Interview

Paris Hilton turned 30 in February and now has a new reality show called The World According to Paris on Oxygen. The show has been getting horrible ratings and The New York Times writes that in the show Paris comes off as "a Sony Walkman in an iPod era, a Friendster in the age of Facebook." I couldn't have said it better myself. The bitch sucks and is a no talent ass-clown that had her moment 8 years ago yet refuses to accept that.

She sat down with ABC News reporter Dan Harris for a segment on Good Morning America today I know this is shocking but she walked out of the interview and threw a shit fit after he implied that her time in the spotlight is over.

Classic Paris to forget to turn off her microphone before crying about not wanting the video to be used. What a cunt. I realize she's probably the dumbest person on the planet behind the cast of Jersey Shore and ahead of Jessica Simpson but all of them could come up with an answer about how their time in the spotlight isn't over. If you can't even answer why your moment has passed then you're time is clearly up. The only way this would have been better is if she just started crying.

No More Drunken Puppy Buying

NEW YORK (AP) - A New York City pet store that's surrounded by bars has banned drunken puppy-buying. Workers at Le Petite Puppy in Greenwich Village say customers tend to stumble in after happy hour and purchase a dog without thinking. Drunken customers now are forbidden to even hold the puppies, because they can drop them. Store owner Dana Rich tells WINS-AM that she instructs people who have clearly been drinking to come back the next day. Employees say they stress how much work it is to own a dog. They say they would rather lose a sale than send a puppy into an unsafe home.

I have to thank my lucky stars that there aren't more puppy stores around here or else I'd be in there everyday like a child molester at 11:45 recess scoping out the talent. I can't get enough of those little suckers.  I look at Brady everyday and pray to Juan Pierre that he turns into a black lab. But the bigger story here is the store turning away drunk people because of the bad decisions that alcohol influences. Music to my ears. I mean it when I say I think I make 1 mistake every time I drink. I'll be pitching a perfect game into the 9th only to leave my curve ball up too high and there goes history. Most of the time it's little shit like pissing a girl off by bringing up her period or tweeting at a 16 year old with a nice rumpus but every once in a while I'll get real revved up and whack a fucker in the face. I've actually done the math. I'm good for a fight once every 7 months. Kind of spooky. You know what else a couple brewskis do? They make me happy and delightful to be around. You want me to buy that shot? Put it on my tab. Do I think you lost weight? No  but I'll tell you you're fucking glowing tonight. Will I promise to call you tomorrow? Absolutely. I'll even text you before I fall asleep tonight. Puppy for sale? Mine. Then 8 AM rolls around and the only thing I'm saying is, "ahhh shit." Well done, puppy store. Well done.


I'm killing it on the blogs today. KILLING IT. I never want this foot injury to go away. 

Shit. Looks Like I'm Gonna Be Getting Sued By Matt Damon/Jim Halpert/Usher/Tom Brady/George Clooney and Joe Biden Soon...

Kim's attorney, Gary Hecker, filed the federal lawsuit against Old Navy in U.S. Disctrict Court bright and early this morning, over the retailer's "unauthorized use of Kardashian's name, likeness, identity and persona." In addition to compensatory and punitive damages—which a source tells E! News could total up to $20 million—Kim is also seeking an injuction against the company for the alleged violations. "I've worked hard to support the products I'm personally involved with that I believe in," Kim said. So why after waiting so long is she only now filing suit? Well, it's not a pride thing—despite the fact that the ad's Kim doppelgänger, Melissa Molinaro, is now rumored to have coupled up with none other than Kardashian ex Reggie Bush (hey, the guy's clearly got a type).

I really don't give a fuck. I just thought the title I made was worth a blog post. 

Wowzers.

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. -- Tiger Woods fired caddie Steve Williams on Wednesday, leaving his good friend stunned and ending a 12-year relationship in which he won 72 times worldwide and 13 majors. "I want to express my deepest gratitude to Stevie for all his help, but I think it's time for a change," Woods said on his website. "Stevie is an outstanding caddie and a friend and has been instrumental in many of my accomplishments. I wish him great success in the future." Woods did not say who would replace Williams or when he would return to golf. Williams could not immediately be reached Wednesday afternoon, although he posted a statement on his website confirming he had been fired. "Needless to say this came as a shock," Williams said. "Given the circumstances of the past 18 months working through Tiger's scandal, a new coach and with it a major swing change and Tiger battling through injuries, I am very disappointed to end our very successful partnership at this time.

Sooo this might be news to you but it's becoming clear to me that Tiger might not be the greatest guy on the planet. Who the fuck fires their best friend and caddy over the internet? There's got to be some major story that we don't know about, right? You fire dickheads with no brain on a Wednesday. You don't fire your caddy and friend of 18 years on a Wednesday. It just makes me scared that one day I'm gonna sit down and sign in to blog and the password is gonna be changed by my cat. I'll look over my shoulder and he'll be sitting there like, "things done changed around here rza" and that'll be the end of our relationship. It's a cold, cold world out there.


P.S. The Steve Williams book that comes out in 5 years is gonna be the greatest thing to hit print since "Reba: scenes behind closed doors and my secret love for Jordon Brault."


P.S.S. Did those motherfucking children from that other, other blog really say I hit the refresh button 50,000 times a day? I didn't want to get involved in this fight but now I think I have to get involved in this fight. I mean I hit the follow button on their blog to be a nice guy but not anymore. I'm comin for ya and I'm gonna keep comin for ya everyday until you're a miserable little prick. I'll make those gay kids who commit suicide look like a fucking picnic.

3 Is a Crowd, Boys.

RJ's Daily Extension? Not sure what that even means but I'll go along with it because I saw it pop up on my twitter feed. I thought it would be some sort of competition but then I got to reading and remembered I'm the one with a crown on my head. I'm also the one who has been out of high school for 3 years. But I'll tell you something, I'm not hating these other blogs trying to cyber blow me. Maybe you can wash my grundle for me in the shower, too? It's like I'm eating chocolate covered strawberries from my castle in Rome while these other warring nations scrap in some civil war bullshit, awaiting the approval of the big bad emperor. Well it aint gonna happen. Not on my watch. I like war. I like watching bloodshed. Divide and conquer is the name of the game.

TheLegend? Really?We'll see about that.

William Levy and Jennifer Lopez denied having an affair

William Levy and Jennifer Lopez  denied having an affair

William Levy, the man attributed to be the reason for the split between Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony, want to set the record straight on rumors the radical.

Earlier, Cuban actor/model featured in Jennifer Lopez's video "I'm Into You" music, released a statement in the wake of the false report recently. "My thoughts are with Jennifer and Marc during a very difficult time," said Levy in a statement. "My relationship with Jennifer have been really professional. This Rumor is thought to suggest something more personal is 100% false and inaccurate. My best wishes go to their families. "

Model William Levy denied having an affair with Jennifer Lopez. William Levy, known as ' Brad Pitt in Cuba ", appeared in the steamy coast scenes with Jennifer Lopez in a video for the song the singer 's" I'm Into You ".

Viewed by his statement, it seems as if the Levy certainly wasn't too happy with his name floating around tabloid. No one wants to be a reason for breaking a a happy home, especially the star-studded one like JLO and Marc, so time will tell whether or not the rumor is true. Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony announces the end of their marriage on Friday but it seems both have struggled for years.

According to one source, "they have the wedding that was very up and down. They would go into heat, a terrible fight.

jonah hill weight loss (skinny) june 2011 - skinypicture

Picture of Jonah Hill weight loss (skinny)  June 2011

Shape of the face and the body of Jonah Hill after successfully losing weight (jonah hill weight loss) up to 40 pounds. Can you imagine any effort has been done to gain weight very much different from before.

Check Out These Morons

The hidden gem of the internet on hot days is those photo galleries on WFSB that people send in to show you how they're staying cool in the heat wave. Just look at this dumb broad with the upside down sunglasses. Is that supposed to be funny or is she just an idiot? What's the thought process that goes through people's minds when submitting pictures? Are you sitting in the pool and all of sudden you're like, "Oh man, Scott Haney has to see this! Dennis House get a load of us!" And you have to think they put every picture on the site because there can't be that many dorks who do this, right? I don't know. Kind of makes me want to go sit next to a sprinkler, put whipped cream on my chest with cherries on my nipples and send it in just to see if I make it on the picture gallery.


P.S. It's actually my dream to be randomly interviewed by a news station. I'll be pumping gas and Rachel Slutzker starts asking about prices or something. The amount of sexual innuendos and inside jokes I'd use is unfathomable. Is that a word or did I pull it out of my sweet candy ass?

"Is It Gay" Question Of The Day

Headbands. Gay? I rocked one last night and it didn't feel right but it felt a shit ton better than having sweaty hair all up in my business. It's probably more gay that I'm 21 and still want to be David Beckham so bad I can taste it.