We Should Have Seen This Charlie Sheen Thing Coming...

Who Wants To See Naked Pictures Of The Daddy Beater From Teen Mom?!?!?!?!

How fucking ruined is your day now? Probably your week, right? Maybe the whole month of March is gone for you but that month sucks donkey dong anyway(don't get me started on March. I hate the shit out of it. Just like 31 days of limbo. Is it winter or is it spring today? What the fuck? I don't like walking around with jeans and t-shirt. I'm hoodie and jeans or shorts and whatever. Give me 50 degree temps and higher or bust.) I've already puked 4 times since I've seen the picture and I only eye balled it once. And it looks like she's pregnant again. You know what they say. Teenager gets knocked up once, call it an an unfortunate accident. Teenage gets knocked up twice and you call her a filthy, good for nothing whore. You know it's punishable by death in some countries. Barack should seriously look into that. 




P.S. If you're gonna take naked pictures of yourself, have a pair of chesticles. Give the people something to talk about. Oh, and don't be ugly. Or pregnant. Or a bitch. That helps.

Charlie Sheen. Winning.

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I have the worst feeling that this is what it looks like 7 days before you die. But I'm probably wrong because Sheen is a "F-18 fighter jet with fire breathing wrists." Umm can you say winning?

Another ESPN Employee Disrespects The Female Gender

BUCKLAND – A senior writer for ESPN and the author of three books was arrested in front of Buckland Pizza and charged with assaulting his estranged wife and hitting a police officer who tried to subdue him, state police said.  Howard Bryant, 42, of Hawley Road in Ashfield, was arrested at about 12:15 p.m. Saturday and charged with domestic assault and battery, assault and battery on a police officer and resisting arrest, said state Trooper T.J. Tudryn of the Shelburne Falls barracks.  When reached at his home Sunday, Bryant said he wanted to withhold comment until after his arraignment Monday in Greenfield District Court. He referred questions to his agent, who also declined comment.  Five witnesses gave statements saying they saw a man arguing with a woman, police said. They said he choked her and pushed her into a car, Tudryn said.  When police arrived, he argued with them and struck Trooper Brian Doak in the chest with his elbow, Tudryn said. Doak was not injured.  “He pulled away from the police officers when they were trying to handcuff him,” Tudryn said. “He was uncooperative and resistant.” 

I don't know if it's something about sports writers that makes them jump chicks or if ESPN just has an unique eye for talent but it seems they gotta do a little bit better on their background checks before they hire someone. I remember when Harold Reynolds groping a girl was a big deal then Steve Phillips having an affair with some fat intern was even bigger.  But now these guys are turning it up a notch. Coach Neil goes on his night time adventures of hide and go seek, Jay Marrioti chokes his girlfriend and Howard Bryant decides he doesn't like his wife's tone and absolutely beats the shit out of her at 12:15 in the afternoon in front of a pizza place. Classy individuals. I think the real loser here is the restaurant they were at. A pizza place is no spot for throwing haymakers. That's a happy food so it's a happy place.

Another Sean Avery Classic

I Feel Like I Just Got Punched In The Balls

Just before Thursday's 3 p.m. ET trade deadline, the Boston Celtics agreed to ship center Kendrick Perkins Nate Robinson to the Oklahoma City Thunder for forward Jeff Green and big man Nenad Krstic, two league sources said.  Celtics director of basketball operations Danny Ainge said Wednesday that Perkins is out at least a week after spraining the medial collateral ligament in his left knee. It's a homecoming of sorts for Green. He was selected by the Celtics in the first round (fifth overall) in the 2007 draft. But he was traded with Wally Szczerbiak, Delonte West to the then Seattle SuperSonics for Ray Allen and Glen Davis.

If you take the emotion out of it and look at the players being swapped it seems like a pretty fair deal and maybe even a little favorable for Boston. I mean Jeff Green is pretty fucking good.  But that's not me. I don't take emotion out of anything and this just about sends me through the roof. I'm absolutely floored by it, even a tad devastated.  I don't really give two shits about Nate being moved but Perkins was the heart and soul of this team. He defines Celtics basketball. Unselfish, defense first mentality with a nasty attitude that you don't see in this league anymore and now he's gone. He even works his dick off to return earlier than expected after a torn ACL and how do we reward him? Ship him off to Oklahoma City instead of a new contract like he deserved. I don't know. I need a timeout to think about this one.

Might Be My Favorite Tweet Of All Time

We're at the point where Kanye can say anything and we won't think twice about it, right? Same thing goes for anyone in a nursing home. 70 year old guy in McDonalds going off about Japs isn't right but throw him in a wheelchair while he gets fed by a nurse and it's all OK. I hope this blog gets to that level someday.

You Hurt So Many People When You Delete Your Facebook

You're probably wondering what the fuck this post has to do with anything so let me give you a little taste of what has me boiling right now. I venture onto my homepage like I do every night to do what I always do. Look at pictures of myself. Over and over again. Some days I like me and some days I don't. Well today I noticed I was missing like 15 pictures of the riz daddy AKA Rizzy Pageviews AKA Connor donthurtem Rusinko. What the fuck is that shit? How bout a little heads up you selfish slut(say that 5 times)?  Some bitch decides to delete her facebook to be "cool"  and go against the grain or maybe she's being sexually harassed via facebook and I'm left with a stinking pile of shit. I don't give a fuck if Jeffrey Dahmer is stalking you. You don't quit on Facebook like a pretentious asshole. Now how am I supposed to decide if I'm good looking on a daily basis? I need that shit for my sanity. You know I'm still heated about losing out on that class cutie contest in high school. I know for a fact that was rigged but such is life for a god when he's stomping amongst mere mortals, I suppose. I'm just saying you gotta let motherfuckers know when you're about to delete because you take all your photos with you and that's fucking criminal. Like yeah, you took the picture but I made the picture. Take a peek in my eyes and you get lost in these ocean blues. Fact. I've noticed I have a long chin though, and I don't know what that's all about so I won't miss looking at that I guess. Whatever. You're still a quitter and quitters never win.


P.S. Well done to whoever made that illustration for deleting your facebook. Real creative, bro.  Face. Book. Trash. Bravo.

Get Me This Kid On The Blog ASAP

Hockey players might be the most down to earth dudes on the planet. Not a chance this shit would fly in a NBA locker room because they're egos are so big but hockey players are just a bunch of dudes.

I Aint Scared. Bring it Bitch

Other suitors came and went, but Carmelo Anthony's long anticipated marriage to the New York Knicks The Knicks and Denver Nuggets agreed to a blockbuster three-team trade on Monday night that sends the All-Star forward to the Big Apple, sources told ESPN The Magazine senior writer Chris Broussard. The deal does not become official until a conference call with the league takes place on Tuesday.  The deal ends the season-long trade saga involving Denver's All-Star forward and sends him to New York where he has publicly stated he would like to play. If it goes through as anticipated, Anthony is expected to sign a three-year, $65 million extension with the Knicks, where he will play alongside good friend Amare Stoudemire. New York gets a potentially explosive frontcourt -- Stoudemire is second in the league in scoring at 26.1 points per game and Anthony is sixth at 25.2 -- but it comes at a heavy cost. appears to have finally taken place. As a part of the deal, the Knicks will send Wilson Chandler, Raymond Felton, Danilo Gallinari, Timofey Mozgov and a 2014 first-round draft pick to the Nuggets, who would get additional picks and cash, the sources said. Along with Anthony, New York would get Chauncey Billups, Shelden Williams, Anthony Carter and Renaldo Balkman from Denver. 

Carmelo Anthony is a nice player. He's a nice scorer. I like him. But Carmelo is pretty much Tracy McGrady 2.0. Great scorer in his prime, will win you regular season games, get you to playoffs every year but will only go beyond the first round once because he's a piss poor leader who only cares about his numbers at the end of the day. You know who else is like that? Amare. The biggest fraud in the NBA. So now the Knicks have two egos in the most ego filled city with the most ego driven fans.  Listen, I like the trade a lot. It makes New York basketball relevant and entertaining but they don't scare me. They might be a 5 seed now instead of a 6 but they're not built to win a title and they never will be with their offensive philosophy. That's a fact. I'll bet my life that New York doesn't get the Finals once in the next 10 years. Just too much emphasis on run and gun and not enough on defense which is a must in the playoffs with grind it out games. So I'll say this to close it out. Fuck Carmelo. Fuck Amare. Fuck New York. Suck my dick and kiss my ass. Everyone.

Beckham Treats Tottenham To Pie and Mash? Sounds a Bit Sexual, No? Count Me In!

LONDON -- Before returning to Los Angeles, David Beckham treated Tottenham staff to a traditional English lunch of savory pie and mashed potato as his training stint with the club ended. Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp says Beckham had the meals delivered to the club's training ground in east London from "somewhere up the road, and we all tucked in." Redknapp, who was brought up on the dish in London's East End, says "some of the foreign lads were not too sure what to make of pie and mash, so we had their portions." Beckham was limited to training after being denied the chance to play competitive matches for Tottenham by the Los Angeles Galaxy.

Fun fact about myself that will help you see the few differences between me and Becks. I don't eat pie(i mean that in three ways) and I don't eat Mashed Potatoes. I don't eat any potato product, actually. That means french fries, chips, and anything you can think of. How the fuck do you think I stay so svelte like a burmese python? SO let me tell you how this relates to the story. If I let Beckham train with my team and all he does to show his appreciation is order up some bitchass pies and mashed potatoes, I'm pissed. I mean I'm livid. Even a tad furious and I very rarely use those words so you know it's serious. That's absolute fucking bullshit. I don't give a shit if it's English tradition, this guy has more money than God. Give me a car, a watch, 3 strippers, one virgin prostitute and a signed picture of Stevie Wonder. That's all I want.

Celebrating Presidents Day The Only Way I Know How. Reading Stories About How Badass Andrew Jackson Was.

The Seminoles attacked Jackson's Tennessee volunteers. The Seminoles' attack, however, left their villages vulnerable, and Jackson burned them and the crops.  Jackson captured Pensacola, Florida, with little more than some warning shots, and deposed the Spanish governor. He captured and then tried and executed two British subjects, Robert Ambrister and Alexander Arbuthnot, who had been supplying and advising the Indians. Jackson's action also struck fear into the Seminole tribes as word spread of his ruthlessness in battle (Jackson was known as "Sharp Knife").

Jackson was the first President to invite the public to attend the White House ball honoring his first inauguration. Many poor people came to the inaugural ball in their homemade clothes. The crowd became so large that Jackson's guards could not hold them out of the White House. The White House became so crowded with people that dishes and decorative pieces in the White House began to break. Some people stood on good chairs in muddied boots just to get a look at the President. The crowd had become so wild that the attendants poured punch in tubs and put it on the White House lawn to lure people out of the White House. Jackson's raucous populism earned him the nickname King Mob.


And then there was the Trail of Tears and Indian Removal and blah, blah, blah. Let's ignore that. 

On January 30, 1835, what is believed to be the first attempt to kill a sitting President of the United States occurred just outside the United States Capitol. When Jackson was leaving the Capitol out of the East Portico after the funeral of South Carolina Representative Warren R. Davis, Richard Lawrence, an unemployed and deranged housepainter from England, either burst from a crowd or stepped out from hiding behind a column and aimed a pistol at Jackson, which misfired. Lawrence then pulled out a second pistol, which also misfired. It has been postulated that moisture from the humid weather contributed to the double misfiring. Lawrence was then restrained, with legend saying that Jackson attacked Lawrence with his cane, prompting his aides to restrain him.

Jackson fought 13 duels, many nominally over his wife's honor. Charles Dickinson, the only man Jackson ever killed in a duel, had been goaded into angering Jackson by Jackson's political opponents. In the duel, fought over a horse-racing debt and an insult to his wife on May 30, 1806, Dickinson shot Jackson in the ribs before Jackson returned the fatal shot; Jackson allowed Dickinson to shoot first, knowing him to be an excellent shot, and as his opponent reloaded, Jackson shot, even as the bullet lodged itself in his chest. The bullet that struck Jackson was so close to his heart that it could never be safely removed. Jackson had been wounded so frequently in duels that it was said he "rattled like a bag of marbles." At times he coughed up blood, and he experienced considerable pain from his wounds for the rest of his life.

 So let's recap for a bit. He intimidated the Seminole tribe with his antics, threw a fucking banger of a party for his inaguaration where let everybody in, beat his assassin with a cane and got into 13 fights in his life, one of which wa sover a horse racing debt and an insult to his wife. That's my kind of guy.

Let's Fucking Go

The site of 4 dudes with cups on has never turned me on so fast. I need the spring. I need 64 degree temperatures. I need bitches in sun dresses. I need Boston Red Sox baseball.


P.S. I'm still debating if I should buy the Gonzo or Crawford T-shirt. I love a fast black outfielder with tatted arms more than the next guy but intelligent power hitters are like my kryptonite.

The Slam Dunk Contest Is a Joke.

Blake Griffin dunked over a car to win the competition? Cool. Did he do a 360 or tomahawk? Nope. Simply jumped a car and threw it down with 2 hands. Cool to see but was it shocking? Fuck no. Blake Griffin does nothing for me. He has big dunks in games that don't mean shit because his team plays slapdick basketball. He's never gonna be apart of a championship winning team and he's not someone I'm drafting as a #1 pick to lead my franchise. He actually represents everything the dunk contest is all about. Just one giant gimmick. McGee tried to dunk 3 balls, The dude from Oklahoma city brought out some child actor and Blake Griffin jumped over a car with a choir singing behind him. None of which made me say "Oh shit." That's what dunk contests should be about. "Oh shit" moments and I haven't had one since 2001 and it's absolutely fucking shameful.

I'm Not Sure But I'm Pretty Sure The Nets Owner Wined and Dined Carmelo

Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov said he had a “fantastic” meeting with Carmelo Anthony, but still does not sound confident he can land the Nuggets star. "It was a fantastic meeting, trust me," Prokhorov told CNBC in an interview that will air Tuesday. "No words, live music, excellent atmosphere. We looked into each other's eyes. Just real man talk." But Prokhorov still thinks he should have avoided a meeting with Anthony, who may only sign his three-year, $65 million extension if it includes a trade to the Knicks. The two sides had a meeting scheduled in January that the Russian billionaire cancelled, but the two finally got together on Saturday with some prodding from Nets GM Billy King. “As you know, my instinct was to stay away and I still think that is (the) right decision," Prokhorov said. "But when the meeting was fixed Billy King called me and said, 'We need you.' I was convinced and I still think I'm right to stay away, but we have teamwork so sometimes we need to be all together."

No words, live music, excellent atmopshere and they looked into each other's eyes all night? Huh? That either sounds like a scene from a bad chick flick or a very well shot porno. Russian guys with money creep me the fuck out. Maybe I'm still paranoid about the Soviet Union getting back together like a 80's rock band but whatever the case is, this story makes me want to shower the awkward off me. There's no such thing as "real man talk" if you looked into eachothers eyes all night and listened to live music. I'd bet a billion dollars that Prokhorov placed his hand on Melo's knee at least twice during this little meeting. Like once was an accidental swipe as he went to get his dropped napkin but the next time he was sure to make eye contact and give a little wink.

Chuck Sheen Getting Cooler By The Day

Charlie Sheen threw ANOTHER party at his house this weekend ... and he had to fly across STATE LINES to pick up his guest of honor -- the awesome, bearded San Francisco Giants pitcher Brian Wilson. TMZ obtained video of Charlie and Brian arriving at Van Nuys airport on Friday. Sources close to the actor tell TMZ, Charlie flew on a private jet earlier that day to pick up the Giants closer in Arizona -- where the team is holding spring training. We're told the trip was all for a brief male bonding session at Charlie's pad -- where Charlie, Brian, and several other ball players watched movies and chilled for several hours. For a change, this Sheen party was only "R"-rated -- because according to sources, the crew clinched the evening with a screening of Charlie's very own 1989 classic "Major League." Charlie flew Brian back to Arizona hours later. No drugs, no booze, no cops ... and no sign of "The Machine."

I'm seriously just waiting for my invite at this point. Don't be surprised if you see a private jet come to pick me with Charlie Sheen and Brian Wilson lounging in the back. But on a scale of 1-10 how cool of Charlie Sheen right now? He doesn't just ask Brian Wilson if he wants to hang out. He flies a private jet to Spring Training and probably lets Barry Zito and Pat Burrell tag along because that's what cool guys do.

Sean Avery and Andy Cohen Are Boys?

And that's not just one of your poses where you act friendly for the cameras. That's a genuine arm around the shoulder and Andy Cohen then leaning his package into your thigh. Kinda gay, right? And let me just make it clear that I have nothing against the gays. I'll go fishing with one but all the gays do it seems like is bitch and whine about not being equal. Well hey assholes, nobody is gonna treat you as equal if you keep crying and telling us you're not on our level. Play the part to get the part. You want some respect? Go out there and get it for yourself. Don Draper said that.

I Want To Remake This Video So Bad I Can Taste It

Just way too easy. It's no secret I have golden pipes and my go to dance move is the hip sway/finger snap. Bitches over 50 eat that shit up. Plus I'm 90% sure this song was written from my perspective.


P.S. I got a funny little feeling that Rick Springfield and Jessie weren't the best of buds after this song hit #1 on the charts.

R.I.P. To The Greatest Uncle Of All Time

Jerry Seinfeld spoke out Thursday about the passing of Len Lesser, saying his "Seinfeld" co-star was one of the cast's "favorites." In a statement sent by Seinfeld's rep to the Daily News, the comedian harked back to an episode in which Uncle Leo is arrested after Jerry catches his elderly uncle shoplifting a book ("You still say hello," Leo quips).

Miguel Cabrera Getting a Jump Start On The Weekend

LAKELAND, Fla. -- Detroit Tigers star Miguel Cabrera was arrested late Wednesday on suspicion of drunken driving in Florida, leaving teammates stunned and concerned about the slugging first baseman less than a week into spring training. The 27-year-old Cabrera has struggled with drinking-related problems in the past, but he's coming off perhaps his best season. He hit .328 with 38 home runs in 2010 and finished second in the American League MVP vote. Cabrera was spotted by a deputy in a car with a smoking engine alongside a road in Fort Pierce. Inside the vehicle, Cabrera smelled of alcohol, had slurred speech and took a swig from a bottle of scotch in front of a deputy, according to the St. Lucie County Sheriff's Office. He refused to cooperate and more deputies were called to the scene. The arrest occurred about 110 miles southeast of Lakeland, where the Tigers hold spring training. Pitchers and catchers began workouts earlier this week, but position players like Cabrera don't start until Saturday. "It was obviously a shock to everybody," catcher Alex Avila said. According to the police report, Cabrera was wandering into the road with his hands up before he was handcuffed. The report quoted him saying, "Do you know who I am? You don't know anything about my problems," and cursed at deputies who tried to get him into a patrol car.

Just a word to the wise about dealing with the police and alcohol related case. If a cop stops you and doesn't realize who you are from the beginning, chances are he has no fucking clue who you are and still won't know when you drunkenly ask him. But I feel like this is the only way to go if you're dumb enough to get yourself in this situation. Just crack the bottle, scream obscenities, talk about how you used to get beat as a child and keep going because once they get the cuffs on you it's gonna be like Dr. Drew's Sober House and the fun times are over.

Feel The Burn, Gary!

Warm temperatures make bitches dream of bikini season. Get that tummy tight and do those sit-ups right.

Joba Looks Good...

I think I'm having a rough week and then I just think about the past 5 months for Yankee fans. Tragic. Just fucking tragic. Nothing and I mean nothing will take the wind out of your sails faster than one of your star pitchers showing up to spring training with enough belly fat to cover an Apache Indian's wigwam. That's true for baseball and life in general. It's all about managing expectations. Do I expect Sellberg to come home from college in Tampa with 15 extra pounds on him? Absolutely. Will he? Probably not, he's become a big health nut these days. So win-win, right? Here's a lose-lose for your ass. Nice girls goes off to college, comes home with 15 extra pounds. She loses a lot of self esteem and you lose all respect for her. I see it every May 15th and it's fucking heartbreaking. How do I tie this back to Joba? He's a fat asshole who I've never respected. Done.

I'm In The Worst Blogging Slump Of My Career

 

My mojo is at absolute zero and it's fucking perfect timing because page views are at an all-time high right now. I don't know why or how they're so high but facts are facts. People come to see an epic show and I feel like a clown, riding around on a tricycle. Would it help if Scotty blogged again? Uhh yeah. Too bad he's demanding a 6 figure salary to return and has been too busy getting into relationships lately. Listen, I wanna blog and make bitches giggle but I can't seem to do it lately. It's like my head is strong but my heart is weaker and I don't play those half-assed games. Always empty the tank as I like to say. So I just wanna apologize because it aint easy being awesome 24/7. I also want to apologize to Dom Bazolo for knocking his cookie off his trey during lunch sophmore year and then stepping on it and making it look like it was an accident. It was no accident. You were a dick and I'll still slap the shit out of you if I ever see you in public. But stepping on your cookie wasn't cool. Sorry. I should probably also say sorry to the old lady that I gave the finger to today and then told her to eat shit out of her decaying husband's Depends. She's probably gonna die of a stroke in 12 days and it's all my fault. Sorry. Also, I'm pretty sure I spent 10 minutes staring at the chick's tits across from me in Microeconomics this morning. Sorry. Aren't I just the worst?

P.S. If I ever say I'll call you back, there's a 96% chance that I'm lying and I don't want to talk to you at that moment or talk to you ever. Sorry in advance.

Brian Wilson Quickly Becoming My Favorite Non-Boston Baseball Player

Hot Bikini Tattoos of Women

Bikini and tattoo became the center of the trend this year. Not a few of the celebrities and the women begin to look in a bikini and tattoo world. What is the relationship bikini and tattoo? a question ...

 

Bikini and tattoo became one of the lifestyle of this modern era. Bikini further expose the physical form sexy body and tattoo to expose a decorations of sexy body. Unique form apparel bikini extremely popular. While the tattoo of a small and located on the hidden body part preferred.
 
Bikini with bright colors and flashy or contrast with skin color bias becomes very harmonious plus a small tattoo pictures next to them. Sexy bikini body with the unique combination with a small tattoo pictures on a particular body part will be the hallmark of a person.
 
The Hollywood celebrities who liked it a lot. It's just that the authenticity of the pictures or photo-placed photo as wallpaper photo material, many are not original. Wallpaper designs are displayed while browsing on the internet are pictures that have been through the editing process. So sometimes we are less confident with the design of wallpaper that appear.

Oh No. Manny Caught Bieber Fever, Too

There are 3 guys who I will never criticize for their looks or fashion and that's Tom Brady, Beckham and Manny Pacquiao. The first two are a given but I don't question anything Pacquiao does because I think he's secretly the second coming of Jesus. I mean he does nothing wrong. He doesn't talk shit, he's a congressman, he's rich as fuck but acts like he's just a regular joe who's thrilled to be alive. Another reason I don't sweat  the choices Pacquiao makes is Manny knows. That's it. Manny knows.

Real Ronaldo Calls It Quits

SAO PAULO -- Ronaldo retired from soccer Monday because his body can no longer meet the demands of the game, ending a magnificent career in which he won two World Cups with Brazil and thrived with some of Europe's top teams. With tears on his cheeks, the 34-year-old striker announced his decision at a news conference. He played 18 years despite repeated knee trouble and leaves as a three-timer FIFA Player of the Year and the top goal scorer in World Cup history. "It's very hard to leave something that made me so happy," said Ronaldo, with sons Alex and Ronald by his side. "Mentally, I wanted to continue, but I have to acknowledge that I lost [the fight] to my body."

In other words, Ronaldo got too fat and drunk to play soccer effectively anymore.And that's nothing to be ashamed of because that's the ultimate dream in my eyes. Become a global icon, make millions and millions of dollars then just get fat and gross and drink beer everyday on a hammock for the rest of your life.

Happy Valentines Day...

Don't pout and sulk in the corner. Go out there and get some strange ass.

Golf Announcers Not Pleased With Tiger

Listen here bro and listen closely. You take your gay english accent and talk about your guys all you want. Lee Westwood, Rory, Ian Poulter, Paul Casey, whoever. You got all of Europe covered. But don't you dare call Tiger names and let me hear about it. That's our guy and more importantly that's my guy. Yeah, he's made some mistakes and had a few too many affairs for my liking but that's our problem. Go sip some more tea and get yourself into a war that we have to save your ass from again. Don't you have a royal wedding that needs some commentating?


P.S. Doesn't Tiger own that course in Dubai?

I'll Drink To That

Everyone remembers the first time they bonged a beer. And thanks to The Boob Tube, everyone will remember the beers they bonged at your bachelor party. Actually, your friends' memories might be a little fuzzy. But we're sure the ridiculous pictures you post on the Internet the morning after will help your friends recall exactly what happened. Your wild and crazy friends will love shotgunning beers from the nipple of this giant breast-shaped beer bong. Use The Boob Tube at the house to get the party started, and bring it along to the bar to see what kind of trouble you can cause.

Seems like something Donahue would bring over and I wouldn't even bat an eyelash over it. 

Fuck Lady Gaga

She promised a surprise, and we got one: Lady Gaga arrived at the Grammys in a gigantic egg carried by four men, like an avian Cleopatra. Was she Born This Way? Ok, that's a pun on her brand new song, which she'll be performing tonight.

Fuck Lady Gaga. Just fuck her. I've had enough of her whole shock and awe routine like she's some rebel or danger to society. First of all, I don't plan on watching the Grammys just like I don't watch the MTV Music Awards. I'm not 13 and I don't have a vagina. I'll watch the Oscars because that's what adults do.  Back to Gaga. I hate her and I hate her with a passion. She's on Lebron and Taylor Swift level of hate for me. I don't like bitches who try to be bad. Either you're a a bad bitch or you're not and by always trying to make a statement you give yourself up. She's like the dude at a party who always tries to turn it up another level. Listen, if the party is meant to be great then it's meant to be great and it'll get there in time. You don't need to jump on the table with your shirt off and slap a chick's ass in order to get a rise out of people. Gaga is just too much for me and the jig is up, baby. We get it. You're a fucking weirdo. No go back to producing songs for hot girls.

Amen, Brother.

You can't see me right now but I'm pouring out a bottle of liquor for you and the rest of your heartbroken comrades.

I Did The Same Thing When Nomar Got Traded

You don't know how it feels to be told your favorite baseball player is being traded from your favorite team. It's like watching an execution on Al-Jazeera. You know it's gonna happen and all you can do is watch from the TV and hang your head in sadness.



P.S. This mom is a total bitch. I'd slap the camera out of her hand and tell her to make me some more chocolate milk and go heavy on the Kahlua because it's gonna be a long day.

I Still Think Charlie Sheen Is The Coolest Dude On The Planet

Stay off the crack, drink chocolate milk, enjoy your moment. Done, done, and done. And yeah, sometimes enjoying your moment means having a 3 day bender with porn stars and a briefcase full of cocaine. Man gotta do what a man gotta do.

This Party Looks Dope.

Fucking Egypt, man. Way to set a bad example for those Tea Party assholes. They're gonna be keeping Barack up all night with their faggy chanting just because they made peaceful protesting look cool again. On a side note, how awesome must it be to be in Egypt right now? It's no secret I have a thing for middle eastern looking broads and nothing sets off the chicas like new found Democracy.

Legendary.

BOSTON -- With a pair of first-quarter 3-pointers, Boston Celtics guard Ray Allen matched and eclipsed Reggie Miller's NBA record of 2,560 career 3-pointers Thursday night against the Los Angeles Lakers.  Allen took a feed from Garnett and got off the record-tying shot before Derek Fisher could rush out to defend with 4:13 remaining in the first quarter. Allen nearly assumed sole possession of the record a moment later in transition, but a 3-pointer from the left side of the arc wouldn't fall. A short time later, with 1:48 to go in the first quarter, he buried No. 2,561 from nearly the same spot as the tying shot. Allen got a wide-open look and buried the triple to establish the NBA mark. Between the first and second quarters, the moment was recognized in TD Garden and the crowd serenaded Allen with a prolonged standing ovation. After acknowledging the crowd, Allen went over to greet Miller, sitting courtside as an analyst for TNT, before greeting his mother, Flo, and his wife and children. "What I thought about is: 'Is it really going to happen?' " said Allen after the game. "I know I only needed two 3s, and on any other day, any other game, it seems like it would happen just like that. I wouldn't have to think about it. But that second three, it seemed like it was slow motion for me, because I saw the whole thing develop. "As I've gotten older, I play the game and I can see it, somewhat in a second motion so to speak. Where the ball kind of comes slow, like somebody is slow-motioning on TV. That's exactly how it felt, because the minute we got the stop and [Rajon] Rondo got the ball, in my mind it just started, and I just said to myself, 'This is it.' 

That's all I got today.  Ray Allen A.K.A. Jesus Shuttlesworth. The greatest shooter that ever lived.

Huh?

Still think you can fuck with this blogging machine? I bet you wanna fuck this blogging machine. 1,151 views today and it's 7:14 PM. Find every teacher who called me lazy, every girl that ever dissed me, every coach that benched me, every dude who thought he could out hustle me and ask them one thing. HOW DOES MY ASS TASTE?

Let's do this thing!

My Message To Syracuse Basketball.

No excuse to lose to Georgetown at home. None. Not one fucking excuse. I'm tired of this shit. I'm sick and fucking tired of a 7-5 Big East record. I'm fucking tired of losing to Georgetown and Villanova. I'm not here to fuck around this season. You may be but I'm not. I guarantee you if we don't play better on Saturday you won't be able to bear the next 4 fucking days. I'm not here to get my ass beat on Saturday and you better understand that right now. This is absolute fucking bullshit. I'll run your ass right in the ground, you'll think last night was a fuckin picnic.

And Then This Made My Heart Melt

That's what they used to say about me in P.E. and we'd play mat-ball like it was our last day on earth. I may not have been the biggest or the strongest but doggone-it, I was the fastest on four legs. Ya, Four legs. Think about it.

This Made My Dick Move.

I need this season to start and I needed it to start yesterday. The thought of Gonzo crushing balls over the monster in spring is the only uplifting image in my head these days. Plus people seem to like me a lot more in the warm weather months. Babies, cougars, dogs. You name it and I guarantee they'll be jumping on my lap once the temperature goes above 50.

Carmelo Anthony Must Die

As rumors swirl that Carmelo Anthony is heading to New York or Los Angeles, the Denver Nuggets forward said he's thinking about staying put. Anthony said he would "take a real hard look" at signing a three-year, $65 million extension with the Nuggets if he isn't dealt by the NBA's Feb. 24 deadline, according to the Denver Post.  Last week, sources told ESPN The Magazine's Chris Broussard that the Knicks and Nuggets were discussing a trade that would involve the Wolves and land Anthony in the Big Apple. Then Tuesday, sources told Broussard that the Lakers and Nuggets had initial talks about a deal that would send Anthony to Los Angeles and Andrew Bynum to Denver.

I'm so fucking sick of this shit it's not even funny. One day he wants out of his relationship with Denver and starts making googly eyes at the Knicks and the next he's talking about life in Brooklyn with the Nets or maybe, just maybe he'd stay in Denver for 3 more years. Oh, and there's the possibility of being a Laker, too. Well fuck off, bro. I'm not a Nugget fan in anyway possible but if I was, I'd throw this asshole out on the street faster than you can say Millard Filmore. How have people not turned on him yet? I get that he's still playing hard for the team but deep down he doesn't want to. You can't play on broken strings. Yeah, the truth hurts but a lie is worse. It's not genuine love. Both Parties are simply playing roles in a bad chick flick right now and it's pathetic. You can only dick around with someone's heart for so long until they just decide you're not worth sweating over and you become dead to that person. I've done it to at least 10 different people in my life. I woke up and said, "you no longer exist. You're dead to me and anyone you associate with is dead too. So die." That's what Denver has to do and ESPN has to stop reporting about every fucking whisper about 'Melo.


P.S. Melo to the Lakers would be a dream come true. You think Gasol can hold down the middle against KG, Perkins, Shaq and Big Baby without Bynum? OK. We got 24 hard fouls to pass around on his bitch ass.

Bikini Wax Tips at Home

Bikini wax is currently a trend among the womens. Why is that? Womens are one of the creatures that are full of discontent in some respects. indeed not all women are like that. but most experience this. They are always correcting flaws in himself. Especially on vital matters, such as members of the body.

 

Before and After  Process

 

Bikini wax is the solution. Results from a bikini wax can be felt also at home. It would be more comfortable if clean fron the hair. Many bikini wax product on offer. many kind of bikini wax types with different results according to need.

Also how to do it also no difference between a bikini wax product. It should be done if they wear a bikini with the most minimal model attached on the body. Just select the appropriate requirement for the results in accordance with the desired.

For the needs that they need to go to the salon for maintenance. With a bikini wax they can remove all or part of the fur around the genitals. So when wearing a bikini is very minimal, feathers will not be visible.

This Is The 17 Year Old That Mark Sanchez Courted? You like that word I used? Courted. Makes Me Feel Classy

She's in high school and dating the star quarterback -- of the Jets! Superstar Gang Green play caller Mark Sanchez "hooked up" in his New Jersey home last month with a striking 17-year-old Connecticut high-school girl -- whose preppy dad is a super-wealthy financier, a bombshell new report claims. Sexy rich girl Eliza Kruger not only bragged on Facebook about "MARK F--ING SANCHEZ" texting her after they flirted at a hip Manhattan nightclub on New Year's Eve -- she also took photos of a mussed-up bed in his boudoir as "proof" of their huddle just days later. "We went back to his place in Jersey after dinner. He lives on a golf course. There was a big storm," Eliza told Deadspin.com, according to that Web site, which identified her only as E.K. Asked if she "hooked up" with the 24-year-old Sanchez that night -- after they dined together at Midtown hotspot Nobu the first week of January -- the Greenwich high-school senior said, "Yeah," albeit somewhat reluctantly, according to Deadspin. When a Deadspin editor told her he would research the legality, Eliza reportedly replied that the age of sexual consent in New Jersey is "16. I checked." Eliza told Deadspin that Sanchez continued contacting her after they went to his home. "He would send me a text at 2 a.m. on a Wednesday asking if I was out that night," she told Deadspin. "But I'd be, like, I have school tomorrow."

 

 I don't really get it. She's not ugly by any means but at the same time, she looks like your typical 17 year old high school student. Which would be fair game and everything is peachy if you're not a 24 year old professional QB of the New York Jets. I mean this is Mark fucking Sanchez we're talking about here. An absolute stud in my eyes. He could bag any chick in NYC he wants and he's chasing a high school student from Connecticut with average looks? Really? Did Sean Avery stealing his model girlfriend really send him into that deep of a tailspin? I think the best part of the story is Sanchez texting her at 2 A.M. on a Wednesday, asking if she's out and her replying with "I have school tomorrow." Poor girl probably had a mean vocabulary quiz in English the next day and The Sanchize is sending creepy messages in the late night/early morning hours. Have some courtesy, bro. Those SAT words are a motherfucker.

P.S. How long before the New York Jets blow up? First Braylon Edwards get a DUI, then Rex Ryan's foot fetish videos leak, Cromartie calls Tom Brady an asshole and gets slapped by the media, they get their ass kicked by Pitt and now Sanchez is being creepy and dating a 17 year old. Just a scumbag crew of misfits.

Swag.

Takes a bold man to wear suspenders and not even think about. That's exactly what Berm is. No bullshit on this one. His swag is on a hundred, thousand, trillion right now. Head over to www.oxygenashtray.blogspot.com for some funky fresh tunes. Oh, and you should listen to Cut Copy's "Zonoscope." It makes me want to shake my ass and I don't shake my ass.

A Thief With Manners Is The Worst

SEATTLE -- Authorities have made an arrest in a weekend convenience store robbery that a Seattle store owner found remarkable for the robber's politeness. Sgt. John Urquhart, of the King County Sheriff's Office, says officers quickly identified a suspect from tips received after surveillance video of Saturday's robbery "went viral." The man is seen in the video telling White Center Shell station owner John Henry: "I'm robbing you, sir." He takes $300, apologizing and saying he has bills to pay and children to feed. If he ever gets back on his feet, he tells Henry, he'll pay the money back.

This fucking sucks. If I'm ever gonna get robbed, I want it to be the real deal. Not some slapdick thief with manners who apologizes and gives me some sob story about his starving children. Fuck that. Punch me in the face and pistol whip me or something. Give me a black eye and a lip that needs stitches. Ladies get moist for that. I want a story to tell for years and have my bar tab paid for me. I'm not trying to sound like a tough guy but how do you surrender to a dude who apologizes for robbing you? I'd turn around and hit him with a cheap shot down below, when he bends over to catch his breath you punch him with a pacquiao right hook, maybe a couple jabs and finally when he's down on the ground you can just kick the shit out of his face. As long as he doesn't die, it's all good I think. Self defense holds up in court like a motherfucker.

A-Roid Wants His Balls Back

A few Fox honchos’ ears were burning Sunday night in Dallas — and it had nothing to do with the action on the Cowboys Stadium field. Turns out Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez wanted to slug a few folks after he spotted himself and his girlfriend Cameron Diaz being shown to the 111 million people watching the game. America saw the actress lovingly feeding popcorn into A-Rod’s mouth. “He really went ballistic — thinking the cameraman was out to get them in a paparazzi-like shot. … That’s so crazy,” said my source. “Anyone who knows anything about producing a live sports event — especially something as huge as the Super Bowl.

Just the other day I was thinking it's been way too long since I've heard a classic A-rod story. Then Sunday rolls around and he shows his vagina on the sports' biggest stage in Dallas. Obviously embarrassing to be caught on camera with your declining girlfriend(diaz hasn't had mojo since JT dumped her ass) feeding you popcorn but then he turns it up another notch with his tough guy act, yelling about some conspiracy Fox has against him. This bottom line is this. A-rod is a bitch. Always has been and always will be. Yankee fans know it and I guarantee you not one Yankee player would have his back in a bar fight. Any normal player would walk into his locker room the next day and probably get some shit for his girlfriend feeding him on national television but not A-Roid. I bet Derek Jeter just rolls his eyes and Swisher doesn't even blink. A-rod is "that guy." Totally on his own level of being a self conscious vagina.

Togs Just Went Nuts Over This

NEW BRITAIN, Conn. -- A new controversial sex seminar that could be coming to Central ConnecticutIsland based sexologist was initially slated to come to campus last week. Fornication 101 is a seminar that promised to help participants "experience the erotic attitude awareness and sexual skill building.""It doesn't seem to be a bad thing," said student Ethan Pelletier. "We're all adults here." 

I feel like I have to go to this just to live blog the type of questions Togs will ask during the Q&A session. I'd expect something of this variety from him:

"Fornication. Is that spelled with a F or is PH? As in Phat or Phat Farm? Ya know, like coolness?"

"Is it true that if you don't use it, you lose it?"

"You think we'll have the NFL next season? I hope so!"

"Nice to meet me, how do you like your eggs in the morning?"

"Only the gays get HIV, right?"

"So you're telling me condoms aren't reusable? That explains so much"

"What's a guy gotta do to get a little slap and tickle around here?"

"I'd like to have sex with my shirt on, I think. Like when I go in the hot tub, ya know what I mean? This isn't a question. Just a fair warning to the opposite sex."

"What do I have to do to be Dan DonkeyDong Donahue? Teach me."