A Thief With Manners Is The Worst

SEATTLE -- Authorities have made an arrest in a weekend convenience store robbery that a Seattle store owner found remarkable for the robber's politeness. Sgt. John Urquhart, of the King County Sheriff's Office, says officers quickly identified a suspect from tips received after surveillance video of Saturday's robbery "went viral." The man is seen in the video telling White Center Shell station owner John Henry: "I'm robbing you, sir." He takes $300, apologizing and saying he has bills to pay and children to feed. If he ever gets back on his feet, he tells Henry, he'll pay the money back.

This fucking sucks. If I'm ever gonna get robbed, I want it to be the real deal. Not some slapdick thief with manners who apologizes and gives me some sob story about his starving children. Fuck that. Punch me in the face and pistol whip me or something. Give me a black eye and a lip that needs stitches. Ladies get moist for that. I want a story to tell for years and have my bar tab paid for me. I'm not trying to sound like a tough guy but how do you surrender to a dude who apologizes for robbing you? I'd turn around and hit him with a cheap shot down below, when he bends over to catch his breath you punch him with a pacquiao right hook, maybe a couple jabs and finally when he's down on the ground you can just kick the shit out of his face. As long as he doesn't die, it's all good I think. Self defense holds up in court like a motherfucker.