The System Is Down. How Will I Know What Jimmy Fallon Eats For DInner?

NEW YORK -- Twitter is down. For users of the short messaging site, this means no tweeting about lunch plans, the weather or the fact that Twitter is down. The company said in its status blog Thursday morning it is determining the cause and will provide an update shortly. The status blog lets users know about planned outages and other issues on Twitter. This outage was not planned.
I really don't know what is going to happen today. I can't even fathom the thought of society not sharing useless shit with one another every 30 minutes. In that case, I'm going to list my tweets for the day.

9:21- Woke up doped up. Took a major long dookie. Lookin a little like Don King this morning.

10:00- Looked at my texts from the other night. Apparently Mindy from the shore want's to know if I could get those tickets to the concert from my cousin, the drummer from ACDC.

10:05- Just sent out apology notes to everyone for starting a forest fire with a sausage pizza and taking in a stray cat which turned out to be a raccoon in the morning which then infected 12 of my friends with rabies.

10:45- Found some old episodes of NYC prep and One Tree Hill on the DVR. Heyoooooo. All I need now is a bag of tampons. What?

11:03- @EliManning Hey man I was just wondering how it felt to be such a talentless piece of shit and still be one of the highest paid cunt buckets in the league? Let me knowwww

11:51- @MichaelJJackson Just wondering when you were gonna come to hartford to perform. Oh. Wait. Get better soon? Nope.

11:55- Just call out my name and you know wherever I am, I'll come runnin to see you again.

11:57-Saw a girl who looked like a mix between Hayden, Jessica Simpson and Tom Brokaw. Catchin' a glimpse of these warlocks. Pce Fuckers.