Someone Tried To Kill Paris Hilton - Unfortunately Unsuccessful

This is a serious topic and I probably shouldn't be making a joke of it, but nobody really likes Paris Hilton so who cares. Apparently Paris woke up to her dogs barking and a large man trying to get through the window with 2 knives. She tweeted: "So Scary, just got woken up to a guy trying to break into my house holding 2 big knifes. Cops are here arresting him."

She also posted this picture:



Apparently I'm the only one who see's the mistake in this picture. They're arresting the man who tried to do this world a great deed while they should be arresting that dumb bitch Paris.

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Lindsay Lohan Offered 1 Million Dollars For Post-Jail Interview

I seriously hate this dumbass bitch. Lindsay Blohan who should be in jail for another 2 months is now being offered a million dollars for her first interview after jail. This is the kind of shit that makes Lindsay still think she's relevant in this world. Nobody likes her, she sucks at acting, and doesn't even have that big of tits! She gets special treatment in jail, leaves early, and now is getting paid to tell her lame, most likely made up story.


Die Lohan.

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Neil Patrick Harris Pregnant With Twins

...Was what I first thought when I read the article about him having twins. It really threw me off because all my information of Neil Patrick Harris points to that he's a dude. And a gay dude. So all the sudden I'm freaking out because there is an awesome gay dude pregnant with twins. After my shock, I realized I was quite wrong. In actual terms, Harris and long term partner David Burtka are using artificial insemination to have twins- a boy and a girl.


Harris tweeted:
"So, get this: David and I are expecting twins this fall. We're super excited/nervous/thrilled."

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Lady Gaga Does Coke

No not that kind of coke.


Oh yeah, that kind of coke. Apparently Lady Gaga still does coke "a couple times a year", but don't worry guys, she's still "terrified of heroine." This isn't really a surprise because Lady Gaga totally looks like a coke head. I think it's awesome. Drugs are tight, weird celebrities are tight, so I love weird celebrities on drugs! Gaga did insist on saying she does not condone her fans doing the drugs and hopes they won't. But she's lying. Drugs are tight.

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"California Gurls" and "Tik Tok" are the Same Song

Yankees v. Red Sox, Dogs v. Cats (great film), Republicans v. Democrats, and now we have Ke$ha v. Katy Perry. Some genius out there figured out that "California Gurls" and "Tik Tok" are basically the same song, and he has proof. Hell, they were even produced by the same guy.

Now I don't know who is the thief in this situation, but Katy Perry is way hotter so that means Ke$ha is the scoundrel. Ke$ha sucks, but at least all of her songs don't sound the same like the Dave Matthews Band, and lucky for us neither of them have stooped as low as Nickelback...

Wesley Snipes Goes to Jail

Wesley Snipes, aka your shadow, aka the darkest man alive is going to jail today for a bad-ass reason. No he didn't kill anybody. No he didn't rob a bank. It's even better, tax evasion. Now I'll let you calm down from your shock for a second because I understand how terrifying of a crime that is. I'm secretly still hoping this arrest will lead to the discovery of 500 headless bodies buried underneath his house. These are the type of celebrities I love and my dying wish is to see a Wesley Snipes porn tape. With Tara Reid.