Lockout Professionals with Blake Griffin & Kevin Love

The NBA is currently in a lockout so Blake Griffin and Kevin Love have tons of time on their hands. Naturally they created a video seeking employment with Adrian Peterson, Tyson Chandler and Ron Artest Metta World Peace that aired at the ESPYs. The result is awesomeness squared. Lockout Professionals! Pirate!

Serena Williams' Ass Went to the ESPYs

As disgusting as that is it's sort of impressive. It's almost as if this kid is just strapped on there and the dress is holding him on. There's got to be some unique clothing designer that just makes clothes for Serena Williams, Kim Kardashian and Coco, right? They are the only three people who have these ratios. It would be uneconomical for everyone to just make clothes with these proportions. That would be bad business plain and simple. Her boobs also went to the ESPYs with the ass. Just in case you were worried they got left behind (pun intended!).

Seth Meyers' Opening Monologue at ESPYs

Seth Meyers hosted the ESPYs Wednesday night for the 2nd straight year. His opening monologue was perfect. He killed it. He was like Casey Anthony around 2-year-olds. Too soon? Or not soon enough? In case you're wondering who the chocolate hottie standing next to Dirk is in the above picture well it's his Swedish girlfriend Jessica Olsson.

Meyers ripped on pretty much everyone in sports including: LeBron James, Brian Wilson, Vancouver, Brian Cardinal!, Mark Cuban, the Nets and Michael Vick.

All of the jokes were pretty funny but my favorite was: "Yao Ming announced that he's retiring from basketball. Or that he's re-tiling his bathroom. It's really hard to say." Making fun of how Asian people speak gets me every time. Or actuarry ristening to them speak.

Oh yeah, then there was Brian Wilson wearing a spandex tuxedo suit and again trying wayyyy too hard. We get it, you're fit for a straitjacket. He's fucked three ways towards the weekend. And you wanna know what? I don't dig it anymore. It doesn't turn me on.

Brooklyn Decker at the ESPYS

Oh. My. God. Hello Brooklyn!

The ESPY's were tonight and because nothing else was on television I decided to watch them. Seth Meyers was hosting and was decent, but my main bitch, Brooklyn Decker, stole the show. Before her entrance she texted me and said "hey baby this dress is for you ;)". I get those texts quite often so I wasn't really intrigued by it. But then she appeared. In that perfect, beautiful pink dress. And then I came.


She literally looks like she wants to pop out of that dress in every single area and I'm not gonna lie, I wanna pop into her in every single area. She looks beyond good and I just pray we see her more and more often. Heres the rest of the pictures of Brooklyn

Erin who? Speaking of Erin, she tweeted "Uhhhh guess who asked to take a pic bc she said everyone says we're sisters..ummm I died.." and included this lovely picture of her and Marissa Miller. If the condition to have a threesome with these three was that I had to cut my dick off after it was over...I would do it.